The oirish
Mar 17th 2008, 1:24 pm
#1
da Bonehead
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Lion in da jungle
Posts: 22,767
The oirish
"Murphy, get me a packet of John Players from the corner shop please".
"Okay Patrick. Oh, what if they haven't got Players ?"
"Oh, anything will do".
15 minutes later Murphy hands Patrick a pork pie.
"Okay Patrick. Oh, what if they haven't got Players ?"
"Oh, anything will do".
15 minutes later Murphy hands Patrick a pork pie.
Mar 17th 2008, 1:26 pm
#3
Handsome Internet Guy
Joined: Feb 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 6,116
Re: The oirish
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice.
Mar 17th 2008, 1:28 pm
#4
da Bonehead
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Lion in da jungle
Posts: 22,767
Re: The oirish
Mar 17th 2008, 1:33 pm
#6
Joined: May 2006
Location: in the Sydney asylum
Posts: 20,690
Re: The oirish
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000. That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.'
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'
Did you hear about the worst Irish aviation disaster... A light aircraft crashed into a grave yard, the police have recovered 800 bodies!
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'
Did you hear about the worst Irish aviation disaster... A light aircraft crashed into a grave yard, the police have recovered 800 bodies!
Last edited by asher; Mar 17th 2008 at 1:35 pm.
Mar 17th 2008, 4:31 pm
#7
Happy migrant
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Newcastle , NSW
Posts: 6,756
Re: The oirish
Good job the Irish can laugh at themselves. My Mums Irish and I'm always laughing at her 
Happy Paddy's day everyone
Happy Paddy's day everyone
Mar 17th 2008, 7:45 pm
#8
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 721
Re: The oirish
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
Mar 17th 2008, 8:33 pm
#9
In Perth & Loving it...
Joined: Feb 2008
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 539
Re: The oirish
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
Mar 17th 2008, 9:24 pm
#10
Banned
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Morayfield - The Posh Part
Posts: 10,138
Re: The oirish
WHy is come white and piss yellow?
So the irish know whether they are coming or going !
So the irish know whether they are coming or going !
Mar 17th 2008, 9:49 pm
#11
Curse you aqua scum
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 281
Re: The oirish
One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly,emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"
And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whisky?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "'Tis absolutely fantastic!
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too.
Suddenly,emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"
And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whisky?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "'Tis absolutely fantastic!
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too.
Mar 17th 2008, 11:18 pm
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 869
Re: The oirish
I am reporting each and everyone of you for racism towards the irish
Now just let me finish of my 6 beers and half bottle of whiskey and i will get round to it
I have an excuse its still paddys day here
Mar 17th 2008, 11:22 pm
#13
Banned
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Morayfield - The Posh Part
Posts: 10,138
