Just when you think it's safe to go into the garden (when the snakes are hiding behind the hot water system and the bindii's aren't pricking) the neighbour from hell starts having a cut on the fenceline foliage.

His trick is to cut massive piles in one go and dump them on our front lawn (as is his right, though when I trim the neighbouring foliage on the other side I do it in small doses and dispose of it myself so as not to be antagonistic.)

Anyway, so he's cutting away, vigorously, and since I am at the washing line I request that, this time, he just cuts what is on his side of the fence, not reach over onto our side and cut way back and f@#* the plants. (I don't say and f@#* the plants, but that is what he does.)

Then he starts whinging about the root system (it's a split level of about 3 feet between us ) and that he is a vegetarian and our plants are too big now and he can't grow vegetables...

wtf. We put up with his Sunday morning en masse hand clapping and his wife who sounds like Homer Simpson and their ugly tv satellite dish... and he's got issues with our plants being too big.

I can't wait to get the f*@# out of this suburban hell hole.

(Rant over, but pit of the stomach anger and impatience still boiling.)

Everybody needs good neighbours, with a little understanding......

I knew some bright spark would come up with something like that. You wait 'til you've got a female Homer Simpson laughing in the back yard morning, noon and night with a husband who cuts yer trees, pulls up your roots, dumps crap on your lawn and hoses something out, noisily, at the same time every evening and installs a fricking great satellite dish on yer back fence.

Sorry! I do have one weird neighbour and that'll do me thanks very much. Never mows, one dog barks 24/7, one scrawny Sulphur Crested does it's Pterydactyl impersonation every hour, people knocking at our door looking for him as he can't be arsed to label his mail box properly etc etc etc

Mind you, the people turning up to see him must be fairly stupid. Our large mailbox has our number on in very large, very clear font so why they knock at our door and ask if we're his number is beyond me.

Do they have planning permission for the satellite dish?

Do they need planning permission? (She asked, innocently).

Honestly, there are so many satellite dishes around Brisbane Southside, I doubt the bureaucrats could keep up with planning permissions.

On fences? Seriously I have no idea, I thought people put them on roofs unless they were NASA or pubs or something

No, I think these are too big for roofs. I'm talking whopping great satellites... of the type used to pick up indian or chinese television in australia for example.

Like this.

Could be worse. When we were in England we had a tiny terrace house and the girl next door had some serious mental health problems and one of her habits was to stay up all night bouncing a golf ball from her, to floor (bare floor boards!!) to wall and back. Then we had two 19 year old chav girls move in the other side who partied day and night. Not pleasant

We have a wannabe Xfactor type next door. When she practices her "singing", which mercifully is not that often, we have to close all the windows and move to the other side of the house. We are not even attached properties.

Somebody in her family needs to sit her down and tell her that she cannot sing.

Reminds me of the Fools & Horses sketch where Del and Rodney had the dish from Gatwick Airport on their balcony!

My neighbour is WELSH,WTF !!!!!!!

You're obviously living in a classy area then

I love the outdoors lifestyle, NOT!!! it means the freaking neighbours are in yer face 24/7.

These will cheer you up

Nurse neighbour, 3 maltese shitzu dogs, locked out on deck for her 10 hour work shifts, and ALL YEAR Christmas lights, you know the solar ones that dont even switch off, most go all night.

Speaking of going all night, when we first arrived we rented and next door was some bird who like to shag all night, screaming pump me pump me over and over. The guy in the townhouse on the other side finally had enough and threatened to thump her and the latest fella at 3am After that she moved the bed, must have been on his side, so she moved it so we could feel the wall banging along with her. OMG

The tennis players, acerage, 5am in winter all tennis court floodlights on

Your neighbour laughing homer style all day probably has nothing on nurse nutters daughter, a 16 stone hulk, with a voice like a foghorn, and language that would make trucker blush, 20 metres away and you could hear every word she said, worse she used to make all mobile calls outside, day and night.

BBQ's, stinky sausage smoke lovely in the rancid summer fug, blowing into your house.

I like cold climates, neighbours safely tucked inside with doors and windows shut.

We were stuck next to a bloke who kept 2 x rottweilers in his back garden and had an open fence at the bottom. Every time anyone went by with a dog, if there was a fox or a cat they just launched at them. I spoke to him about it as we were knackered with them barking all night and he said that it couldn't be his dog as they had been de-barked. A few weeks later he sneaked up and cracked our builder over the back of his head as he didn't like the fact that we were infilling our porch (so small we didn't even need Planning for it and he couldn't see it from his house anyway). The police were called and he tried to blame the builder. Thank god there wer witnesses.

I've heard a few complaints about Aussie neighbours; is it any worse than in the UK or are we just a bit less tolerant and they don't get as riled as us?