I am in the military, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery



STEP 1: Speech:-

a) Time should never begin with a zero or end in hundred.

b) "F**k" cannot be used to replace whatever word you cannot think of right now, Try "Um"

c) Grunting is not talking

d) It's a phone not a radio. Conversation do not follow a set procedure and do not end in "out"



STEP 2:- Style:-

a) Do not put creases in your jeans

b) Do not put creases in the front of your dress shirts

c) Do not iron your collar flat



STEP 3:- Women:-

a) Being divorced twice by the time you're 23 is not normal

b) Neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first

c) Marrying a girl so you can move out of the barracks does not make good financial sense



STEP 4: - Personal Accomplishments:-

a) in the real world, being able to do push ups will not make you better at your job

b) Most people will be slightly disturbed if you tell them how many people you have killed/ seen die

c) How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment



STEP 5:- Drinking;-

a) In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you a reprimand and formal warning not a pat on the back

b) That time you drank a full slab of beer and pissed in your wardrobe is not a conversation starter



STEP 6: Bodily Functions:-

a) Farting on your co-workers and giggling while you run away is considered 'unprofessional'

b) The size of the dump you have just took will not be funny, no matter how big it was, How much it burned or how smelly

c) You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is



STEP 7: The human Body

a) Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem its true.

b) Most people will not be happy if you run across a town centre with your arse hanging out



STEP 8: Spending habits

a) One day you will have to pay bills

b) Buying a £40,000 car on a £20,000 year salary is a really bad idea

c) One day you will need health and dental insurance



STEP 9:- Interacting with civilians:

a) Making fun of your neighbour for being fat will not be appreciated



STEP 10:- Real Jobs

a) They really can fire you

b) On the flip side, you really can quit

c) Screaming at people who work for you will not be seen as normal. They can really quit too

d) Taking naps at work is not acceptable

e) remember 9 to 5 not 0530-1800



STEP 11:- The Law

a) Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison

b) Your workplace, unlike your command, can't save you and probably won't; In fact, most likely you will be fired 5 minutes after you have been arrested.

c) Even McDonald's does background checks, and 'Conviction' doesnt look too good on you CV

d) Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you arrested, not yelled at on a Monday morning beforethey ask you if 'you won?'



STEP 12: - General Knowledge

a) You can really say what you think about the Prime Minister in public.

b) Pain is not a weakness escaping the body, it's just pain.

c) They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important than you, so be polite

d) And Lastly, READ THE CONTRACTS BEFORE YOU SIGN THEM.

REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME!!!

Made me giggle, emailed it to the OH who will probably read it to his Aussie digger mates at work lol

I dont see a problem with any of this stuff....

Its our militaryness that makes us special!!!! read: Cabbage...

Some of it made me laugh. There's also aspects that not all soldiers recognise (or do) of course.

I learnt to 'convert' years ago. In fact I very rarely use mil jargon. ()

Me neither...although the occasional thing does slip out

Thank you for the laugh this early in the morning - I did actually LOL - could tick so many of those boxes! (married twice by 23 - only last 6 months - yes it does get you out of the 'blocks'!)
got to show the hubby when he wakes up

Starting to get REALLY REALLY cold now Jo isn't it! I see Oakey had the lowest temp in the whole of QLD the other day, BRRRRR!!! Luckily we got aircon put into our Defence house yday and the reverse cycle heating thingy is just lovely jovely!

why don't they have radiators over here!!! it was -6 the other morning although the day was beautiful cause it was sunny with no clouds but the rest of the week - no bloody sun !!! I didn't sign up for this!!! after 2 yrs in darwin how am I supporsed to live like this!!!! lol

we haven't got aircon, just some big fan thing in the roof that goes through the house.

I've had to copy n paste this civvy conversion - want to stick it on me bog wall.

Such a charmer Jo lol

Yeah the bloke who came to install the aircon/fans yday was quite shocked when I said it was so cold and that it didn't help that the houses were made of cardboard lololol Turns out he knows our landlord, OOPSIES LOL