turbojamtart

Hi. My husband, me and 16 year old daughter are at the beginning of the visa process. Husband is 45 in September , so I am getting stressed about the whole thing! Anyway, we left it so late as we wanted to wait till our son had finished his advanced highers and got into the Uni of his choice. He starts in September and is behind us emigrating and "leaving" him. He knows how much we want to emigrate but I stil feel really cruel, like we are abandoning him. He didn't want to emigrate and study in Australia.We are applying for 475 regional family sponsored, so it could be 2-3 years till we go anyway( I wish!). Has anyone else been in our situation and how have you felt or coped? I know my son is 18 but he will always be my little boy!

lynnmarsh52

Hi, I know exactly how you feel.

We've been living over here in Perth for 2 months now, and our 20 year old daughter stayed behind in the UK. She's at Uni and has had a steady boyfriend for 3 years, so had no intention of coming with us. Yes, it was heart wrenching when we left, and yes, I do miss her, and yes, we feel guilty for leaving without her, but she is an adult and has her own life to lead.

She has already booked her flights to come and see us for 3 weeks with her boyfriend in September - can't wait - I'm sooo excited!

The worst thing for me, I think, is when people (lots of people) kept telling me how they couldn't do it, they couldn't leave any of their children, it's a selfish thing to do! Well, all I can say is that they are jealous, that you've got the opportunity to live a better life in a wonderful country. It's hard, but you've got nothing to feel guilty about. I think as time passes I will probably feel less and less guilty. I'm sure you will find that there are many people in the same position.

You will get sooo much support from friends on here, and similar websites. You'll get through it - Australia is only a day's flight away. And only 10 seconds for a phone call!

Good luck and loads of best wishes.

Lynn xxx

daunted

I too left my son in UK at Uni. He has validated his visa so has until 2012 but i know deep down he wont be coming. He is nearly 21, just completing his final year and got a place in teh police starting September, team that with a lovely girlfriend of 2 years and you can understand why he is so happy and settled.
i agree with the comment about others being jealous and that he is now adult and able to make his own decisions. We talk/text/skype or email everyday even if just to say goodnight.
Its hard BUT its not as hard as i though thanks to modern technology

al150n

I will be leaving 3 of my children behind when we move next year & I am dreading it. By the time we move they will be 17, 15 & just turned 14 but I just keep myself going with the hope that they will follow me out there at some point.

It has been a huge decision to leave without them (they've lived with their dad for the last 7 years). I do get comments from people about how on earth could I go without them but if I waited until they were out of their dad's care they may not want to come anyway. They have lives of their own already. There would never be a right time for me to leave my kids. If we left it until my daughter has left school then my eldest could have made me a Grandma & then I'd be leaving a Grandchild as well (he better not make a Nan that young though )

We also have to think about my youngest 2 & us & now is an ideal time to move with them.

It is a hard decision & I know I'm going to miss my lot like crazy but I do feel I'm opening up opportunities for their futures as well if they want them.

Alison x

fremantle

Its comforting to know I am not the only one in this position. My daughter is 20 and a half. She lived with me up until just over two years ago when I moved from Twickenham in Middlesex to Pagham in West Sussex. She didn't want to move as she thought Pagham was full of bungalows and old people and she wanted to start university in Roehampton so she ended up living with her dad not ideal living conditions. Leaving her behind was the worst day of my life and yet I knew moving to Pagham by the sea was the best thing for me. Anyway circumstances have transpired that I found the man of my dreams in Australia and now I am moving from Pagham to Perth on Good Friday 10th April and getting married on 30th May.

So whereas I was mortified I was moving 70 miles from my daughter this was insigificant compared to the miles that will be between us soon. However, she is now in a settled relationship with her boyfriend and she is moving into my house (which I have decided not to sell at the moment because of market conditions and because it is useful to keep a foothold on the market for the time being). They will pay the mortgage and bills at cost. She has been supportive of my decision to move (probably because she gets to improve her living conditions) which helps me emotionally but actually with just over a week to go before I emigrate huge feelings of guilt are starting to kick in.

I to have had certain friends that can't understand how I can leave my daughter behind. I would have liked her to come too but she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend and whilst she likes Australia to visit she said she wouldn't be able to cope with the heat to live out there.

Thank goodness for telephone, skype and emails. Our generation has never had it so good for ways to keep in touch.

Good luck to us all in this position. xxxx

Scrawni 2

There are quite a few of us parents in the same position, just do a search. Our older daughter is quite happy in the UK and her visa ran out last month so she gave up, ' Australia'. It was never her dream anyway.

We have been here for about 15 mths now and yes some days it is hard. What I miss most is our girly outings and the bond a mother and daughter share. We are very close and sometimes the pain of not having her here with the family gets too much to somedays.

Other days I'm fine, generally I cope well and just get on with living life. It does get easier and with modern technology we keep in touch most days. She is happy and that's what matters, she has her own future to carve out and I know she will do just that in her own fun loving style

We are always here to lend support if you should need it.

sasbear

Scrawni is right....some days are just unbearable. But mostly it gets easier. Lots of support on here

BandS

yep I know exactly how you feel. My son had just started at Leeds Uni when we came over here and had always said that Oz was a nice place to visit but did not want to live here.....

anyhow.....miracles do happen because....

he finished his degree in July 2007 and in March 2008 he moved over here and has been living in Sydney ever since...studying at the Sydney conservatorium and would not go back to the UK if you paid him.

Sharon

quoll

Sometimes it doesnt even matter if you bring them because often they decide on their own to go home and stay there. Mine grew up here but once out of uni he couldnt wait to escape and his gap year is now coming up for 7 years because he loved the life in UK! Having a kid on the other side of the world is not easy but it's their lives!

daunted

I think that is the bit that parents have to understand - we have to let our children do, be who and live where THEY want to - children are not our possessions to make do as we see fit (god knows had enough of that as a kid) and the very fact that they let us go shows what a bloody good job we have done and continue to do as parents

dickchap

If it was him moving to OZ and you staying behind would you feel differently? At 18 he is a young adult and I'm sure he will be fine. As you say you might not be going for another couple of years. Things could change. He might decide to join you. Saying that I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave him behind. Like you say "they are always your babies"

Nikki

livinginreality

I have experienced the same thing.We have the option of moving back to Oz if we want it.I was telling a couple of colleaques at work the other day about it.First person said "Oh I had a good friend who decided with her husband to up sticks and move to France,they sold their house,belongings,gave up good jobs,moved to France and 2 months later her husband had a massive heart attack and died and she had to then return to the UK"I nearly started laughing to be honest!Before I could comment,the other person then said "What will you do with your children?What a shame if you leave them,and your grand daughter?What if something happens to them?I said "Well for one their not children anymore,secondly they too had choices,and if anything does happen to them,I'll deal with it at the time"I felt quite angry by their comments to be honest,why can't people just say "Well good for you and if you go I hope it all works out"?One thing I find hard to tolerate in this country is people's negative attitudes,its drives me nuts!!!!The next time someone "shares"their thoughts with me I will reply "Look if I wanted your opinion I would of asked for it":curse:
I do understand how the original poster feels though,not an easy decision but I do decide to head back to Oz,then I would probably live in hope that my daughters would some day follow,being aussies themselves???Who knows!

ozbaz

I think it has a lot to do with your child's situation , personality and your relationship with him or her. We have a 21 year old son who is only just beginning to find his place in the world but getting there. We have a good relationship with him and I think that eventually he may want to follow us.
The other one , 18 yrs old, however is nowhere near that yet, having left school last year he quit college and is bumming around at the moment.
he is very much in ' teenage ' mode, not communicating much and putting off any thinking about the future.
We have decided that we cannot leave him behind while he is not settled , so will probably have to validate our visa ( still waiting) and hope that maybe another year will change things.
For our own peace of mind that is how its gonna be..I cannot imagine being on the other side of the world while he hasn't really got the maturity to be left to his own devices. Plus I feel we have ' unfinished ' business as far as our relationship with him is concerned .
While we can picture ourselves living in OZ and planning for jobs, housing etc as if nothing will stand in our way, I just know that havign to say Good bye to him at this point in time would break my heart and make settling in in Oz
so hard, if not impossible.
Some children are independent and mature at 16 or 17, other are not, so we will put our dream on hold for a year or two if thats what it takes and see what happens.
yes , children have to grow away from the family, but first they have to grow up. After that its up to them, I agree.

Mrs Ozbaz

no longer in scotland

Hi all, we moved out 2years ago, we left our then 16 year old son, he came out and validated his visa then went straight home on the next flight. He had a girlfriend and the thought of leaving her overpowered the leaving us !!!! We were gutted but let him go as we knew he would just make life miserable for all of us. In December this year he called up out of the blue and asked us to get him a ticket out as he couldnt face another xmas without us.

In our case he is still here, hes not sure if he is going to stay as he hasnt really made any friends. And to be honest if he goes back we will miss him but are just gratefull he came and tried it.

It was very hard and some days unbearable. but hey You just never know what is going through there minds..

Good luck to all moving out here, and stay strong all of those here without the kids.xx


Hannah

Grumpz

Hi, we left our Son in 1999 to finish his degree at Warwick University. He had one more year to do & then wanted some work experience before joining us. We were so excited about moving to Brisbane. As the years passed his visa was running out & showed no signs of joining us. He then met a girl, they lived together & married last year. They are now expecting their first baby.
I miss him so much & always regret leaving him. Australia, especially Brisbane, is all I wanted it to be. However, all that is insignificant when your Son is so far away. I miss him every day & now the thought of hardly ever seeing my Grand Child is unbearable.
We have another Son who loves it here & is also married to a lovely girl. Their daughter had her first birthday last month. We see them often which is great. But the more I see them the more I miis our UK Son.
If I could turn back the clock 10 years I would hope that I wouldn't make the same mistake. England is a long way from here & when working it is hard to get as much annual leave as I want to visit as often as I want. We are now thinking about early retirement but even then our Son has a very small house & it would therefore be expensive staying there for a great length of time.
I try not to show my feelings to work colleagues as they probably wouldn't understand. If only they knew.
So my advice to anyone is think very seriously before making the move.
Thanks for listening, I am glad I have found this site.
Gill