down under

this has been happening for 5-6 months,ive had enough,i have a neighbour who
'visits' everytime i cook ,which is 4x a week,at the beginning i didnt mind,but now i think its tooooo much[i know its only food]but just pic this happening to you, when my dd goes to play with her kids,shes sent home when theyre eating,

Rushman

FFS get a spine and tell the bitch that your not running a Salvation Army soup kitchen and if she shows up again at meals times to ponce a meal you'll secretly spit a bit of your old mans jiz in her salad.

esperanza

Visits with her kids too?! That's a bit much!
Tell her you are trying to make meals a 'family' time, so you hope she won't mind leaving you to eat as a family. Or say "Oh I didn't know you would be here, there isn't enough I'm afraid - let's plan something for next week" - that way you are still being sociable & friendly etc but making it clear that dinner dates need to be planned and not just taken for granted four nights a week.
Or you could say in a jokey but also firm way "So when are you cooking for me and my mob then?" to just point out that she is at yours a lot and you're not at hers.

I'm assuming if you've had her round so much that you get on ok, aside from her blatant advantage-taking behaviour. So probably best to find a diplomatic way to make your point whilst not damaging the friendship beyond repair. Up to you how honest you want to be! I suppose you could try the 'excuses' first, then if she doesn't take the hint just tell her straight that you aren't very impressed with having her eat unplanned at yours all the time and it's not on.

Definitely do something though, don't let it carry on!

joho

Perhaps you could change your cooking time for a bit. Or maybe just be honest and say I cant afford to keep feeding you and your kids all the time. I used to have this happen to me many years ago, very difficult. Or you could give your kids a big snack on returning from school and dont feed them until a lot later.

Jo

down under

ive done the subtle route,im going to be blunt,she cant cook for crap,we dont eat 2min noodles for dinner everynight like some,shes the type you have to plonk on the head

moneypenny20

PMSL

rossifumi

Adds to the flavour I've always said.

down under

ill have to remember to send an invite to dinner for you one night!!!

nickyjohnt

You could give her one last meal before you tell her ! Make a really really hot curry with lots of chillis ! serve it up to her & her kids. Have a sneaky milder already made for your family


Nicky

rossifumi

HSG by proxy!

nightnurse2

Let us know tomorrow how you got on with telling her

eddie007

what do you do on the other 3 days?

seriously though this is a not good situation and so easy to slide into... we have friends who turn up for feeding but they are old friends who we enjoy the company of and have great times with... not in any way an imposition.. I suppose i might be a closet earth type mother who enjoys feeding people..

Its when they start dictating the menu you know you have a real problem...

I think the op is right about devloping a spine and insisting that they all go home at meal times... set a standard and stick to it...

down under

she comes over,not her fam,some of us eat left overs,

kiwi_child

Do you have an OH? What does he say about all this? People know only too well that you don't go around turning up at people's homes at dinner time unless you have a pre-arranged invitation to do so, and then you offer to bring some wine or dessert. There's no law says you must answer your door, but if you simply must then tell her outright that she is being a bludger and you're not going to subsidise her food bill. If she takes it out by not letting your child play with hers, well that's a price that just might have to be paid.

I hate to say this, but the fact you have let this go on unchecked for 5-6 months means she will more than likely think she can manipulate the situation to keep it going. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR TO THE BITCH or else MOVE!

It's not 'just food'. It has to be paid for and your subsidising this bludger means you and your family have less money for other things, eg, treats for you and the kids etc

birdynumnum

Just make sure you're cooking inedible muck & far too much of it