Just told my eldest...
 

that we were splitting. She's 11 and kind of already suspected.

Hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Nothing compares.

She said 'That must have taken a lot of courage to tell me that, mum'... :cry_smile:

She was upset of course, sad... but ok. Reassured her that we'll just be doing things a little differently but that we both still love them and that nothing will ever change that.

One down, two to go. :(:(:(

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

sorry hon, thats a tough one to do. :( Hang in there xxx

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Really sorry to hear that.:(:(

Good luck and hope all goes well for you in 2008.:):)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Oh you poor thing, that cant have been easy at all ((hugs)) what a mature, supportive Daughter you have. :wub:

Best Wishes. xxx

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Yes, she's gorgeous.

Took it so well... had been wondering anyway... it's just the other two... 8 and 5.


Christ. I think I prefer dying to this.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

your daughter sounds lovely, and obviously you made a good job of it for her to react like that so well done!

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Aw, bless her :wub:

You will all come through this honey, stay strong ((((((Hugs))))))

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

What a star, she sounds like a proper gem. At least you know now that the other two can rely on her for support, and if she's responded like that then there's a fair chance the other two might be alright as well?
Wishing you all the best for it, I know it's really rough for you.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Sorry to hear that Tiddlypom, a friend of mine has had to tell her daughter the same thing recently. Kind of stuck for words but I hope all goes well with the other two. Take care.


Debbie

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Oh bless her, good luck with telling the other 2.

Hope your feeling ok :wub:

Donna.
x

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Hey A. Theres not really alot I can say to you at this point that will make you feel any better and I ain't gonna come at you with empty cliches, its a sh*tty thing to have to do, no doubt about it.
Your daughter sounds like a lovely young lady, you have raised her well, take encouragement from her reaction, because the younger ones will probably look to her for guidance.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

I hope they'll be ok. :unsure:
I'm worried about the little one more I think.... male and vulnerable etc...

OH and I are totally agreed that we're singing from the same hymn sheeet on this...
I wasn't going to tell eldest on her own but actually it just worked like that as she wandered into my room at 6.30am and we lay in bed chatting.
Her reaction is good...she's actually ok.

I'm amazed.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

hang in there hon, you're a great Mum
S xx

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

And just to prove that whilst you're dealing with the shitty stuff, along comes something else...

Headlice! :rofl:

Gotta find the humour ...

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Well at least there won't be any battle over who gets to keep them! :p

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

ah well, just hope he's caught the little buggers too:thumbsup:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

LOL. I think we might all have them.... :rofl:

Have you seen my hair? :lol: Oh no!

No battles here, just a sad day we're trying to keep sane.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

that sounds a nice way that you told her, all relaxed and natural :)

they pick their moments those pesky little bandits don't they! funnily enough I noticed my stepdaughter had them whilst I was in the blue mountains last , its you mountain people isn't it!! :sneaky:;)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Yes, we keep our hair too clean.

:lol:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

I'm thinking of making hot chocolate and cookies... and then we'll all sit down and have a chat, with the little one on my knee... .

I don't know how else to do it.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

sounds a good plan to me:thumbsup:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Ok... Did anyone write a rule book on this or is it a 'make it up as you go along' thing?

There's definitely a gap in the market. :blink:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Looks like you have just written it. You have had a tough time and are getting there really well. I don't envy you one bit.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Sounds like a plan to me. There's no easy way to do it, but as long as they come out of it knowing (and believing in their bones) that it aint their fault and you both still love THEM (and always will) even if you don't love each other anymore then you'll weather the storm.

Good luck

Staff

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Gotta keep focussed on the bigger picture... the future...

I think that's the only way.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

don't think you can write a book on this because different people and children need different approaches and usually mum knows best:thumbsup:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Hugs to you and congratulations on raising a sensitive and aware daughter.

Sounds like you are doing it just fine but can only concur with what Staff said - just be sure to make it very clear that it was nothing they said or did, just that the grown ups decided they didnt want to be together any more but that you both love them just as much as you ever did. Little kids often get the wrong end of the stick and I have worked with kids who have thought it was their fault because they didnt keep their rooms tidy or they bashed their little brother. They probably wont know what questions to ask just now and will probably be much more concerned about whether it is time to go out and play with the dog. They will probably come back to you for clarification at times when you least expect it.

Good luck with it! (And remember that if they are having a hard time of it and they are at school, the school counsellor is a good person to talk to about some things you may be able to do)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Thanks Quoll. Good points.

Luckily they're in an excellent school and I've been able to alert them so they're expecting this. I know they will be wonderfully supportive.

I've told the eldest and will tell the others that this is not their fault... that their incredible human beings and wonderful children... and that this is an adult thing that maybe they can't understand now but they will do in the future...
I also said we needed to really show them how to be loved and to love and that we were setting a lousy example right now... and that we didn't want to do that. I also said this isn't a fighting thing, that other kids have, where their parents hate each other... that this is just a 'something gone' thing and that it's no-one's fault, just something that happens in relationships sometimes.

Eldest seems ok. She actually said this would be 'interesting' and that 'change is good'...

She's surprised me.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Bless her, she must have known how unhappy you've been for ages. This is probably a relief for her.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

It's a relief for me so far...

I'm dreading this but suspect it will be ok.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

It might be one of those things where you agonise over it for ages and then when it's out in the open it seems so much more 'doable' and less frightening. It might also make things clearer and more approachable (for want of a better word) for the younger two, who have probably also picked up on the atmosphere (however hard you've tried to not let them) and might have been feeling very confused & uncertain.
They are very lucky though to have a mum that is so concerned for them, and thinking of them more than herself at the moment. Not all kids are so fortunate.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

I think that you're probably absolutely right and I am fretting about this so much more than is realistic.

Kids always know ... it's hard not to ...

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

The anticipation is always the worst thing. Yes it will be tough, and you might well have a tear or two. Don't be surprised if they don't seem to react much at the time, it will take a while for them to understand, and you will get the strangest questions come at you over the next few days. Try to answer them as honestly and fully as poss, and be ready to give them a bit of cuddle time when they need reashuring (how the hell DO you spell that?) you'll all get there.

Staff

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Reassuring. :)

Thank you.

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

reassuring!! :D (I think!)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Well done you did it at least, best thing to do is to give them a lots of love & cuddle with the younger 2 when you are telling them, with your love they feel safe.
To us it is separation, to them its adventure, to have both parents living separately so all they get is loads love from both parents.
You are great mum, sending you load love & hugs hun, {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} :wub::wub:

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

OMG so huge, HUGE stress build up...

We sit down, we tell them that we're not getting on, that we've decided to carry on being great parents but in separate houses.... Youngest is melting marshmallows in his cup... not listening, I thought...
Then he says 'I want to live with Daddy' and I just said very gently, that no, he'd be living here in this house but that Daddy would have a house eventually nearby and there was the possibility that he'd have a bedroom there too....
And his eyes light up. Cool... two bedrooms!

I asked if he's hearing me cos he's messing with chocolate chip cookies..
'Of course I can hear you, I have got ears, you know!'

The middle daughter, 8 yr old, is calm... digesting things inwardly a bit... and then they all start talking about camping trip coming up at the weekend.

Are we ok? Is everyone fine? Does everyone feel ok inside? Is anyone worried or upset?

Nope. Camping on the weekend much more important... as are mini toblerones, chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate.

'See', says the eldest.. 'That wasn't so difficult after all!'

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

:D From the mouths of babes!

Well done you, sounds like it went really well. It's not the end of the road, obviously, but it's one huge hurdle that you've crossed now.
Well done! :)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

Feel better now. Might sleep tonight. :)

Re: Just told my eldest...
 

My parents split up when i was five ,have to say it was really exciting to me ,they explained i would have two houses ,two holidays ,and two lots of Christmas and Birthday,was only five but they made it sound like such fun .
You sound like a very good Mum ,children look at things so differently to us adults .