ozzieeagle

I could well be lucky to be alive at present. I fancied a bacon sarny, typically I wanted to take as many short cuts as possible. So out comes the toaster, in goes the frozen toast, then I figured, stuff it, I'll cook the bacon lengthways in the toaster, just to see if it works. Well there I am with a metal skewer piercing and holding the two small rashes of streaky in the toaster, so as to stop it falling in, bacon starts smoking, I freak because I figure the missus isnt going to be pleased with a smokey kitchen and perhaps a smelly toaster... grab the skewer to pull it out for a butchers, and zaaaappppppppp, there I am on the ground. Still got pins and needles in my arms right now. Eaten the sandwich though Hmm best not tell the wife I reckon.

Dont try this at home...

Come on I've fessed up, others must have equally silly tales..

themerlin

My dad decided it was a good idea to work on the washing machine while it was plugged and while in a pool of water.

Again lucky to be alive.

ex_exile

Sorry but you're an idiot, or practicing for the Darwin awards

Brisben

Yeah I have too, Whilst an apprentice in engineering I was cutting some heavy duty chain with gas bottles, after cutting the chain I grabbed the other en d and swang it around (As you do) Anyway without thinking grabbed the white hot end with my other hand.

One of the guys on the shop floor said I jumped so high it was like an unatural feat.

Anyway I went home and had to keep my hand in a cold saucepan of water as it was just burning like nothing before, It tooks ages to heal.

There have been other daft moments, but I think one is enough for now.

Although I may end up being the poster who has the most input into this thread, you have been warned !

hunter

speaking of Darwin awards !!

The Darwin Awards

EIGHTH PLACE :

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

SEVENTH PLACE

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

SIXTH PLACE

Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

FIFTH PLACE

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he WON a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

As Ron White often says: 'You can't fix stupid.' These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen.

THIRD PLACE (THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE )

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington , DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H & J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a
9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA , WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. 'All I can say' said Bingham, 'is that God was watching out for me on that
night. There's just no other explanation for it.' Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. 'The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him' said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... '**** happens.'

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...

haggis supper

On a serious note you should go to hospital. An AGL Elec contractor blew our fuse box a few months back, got a shock and wandered off without fixing the box - we were out, a neighbour told us. When we called AGL to complain they asked if we would take a drive around the area as it's not uncommon for electric shock victims to collapse up to several hours later and they wanted him to get hospital treatment and a check up.

I could be talking nonsense here but this was what we were told. I'm sure someone with more medical experience than me may say this is not necessary.

Hope the sandwich was good.

>Trigger<

A few years ago whilst camping,we had young kids so I asked the missus to go off and play with the kids up the park and leave me to put up the tent up and get stressed out on me own....

Some how I managed to trip over the towing hitch on the trailer and bang me noggin on the way down and knock meself out...

apparently the family in the tent opposite saw it all happen..the mrs got back about 20mins later..when I was still flat out on the bloody grass..I woke up to what seemed like the whole bloody campsite peeing themselves laughing at me...

nephilim

Hi I reckon one of the stupiest things ive done is set myself alight while wearing one of the old mans tops I had this habit of cooking and leaning too close to the gas ring,and then slowly but surely my belly button would start getting real hot and there would be a nice hole in his top.Would be funny but Ive done it about eight times.He still asks me were such and such top gone

ozzieeagle

Didnt expect to receive a sarky point scoring flogger, after admitting my own stupidity, but there you go

Keep erm coming guys

ozzieeagle

Thanks haggis, I've had a couple of stiff scotches, Glenfiddich no less, so if that dont work nothing will.

BTW the Sandwich was great.

ozzieeagle

Thats a beauty, I've ran through a caravan park quite the worse for wear in the past, slap bang shin high full pelt onto the trailer part, boy that hurts even when 7 sheets to the wind.

jond

Whilst attempting to cut the grass years ago with an old petrol lawn mower I noticed that the spark plug cap was cracked. I thought it would be a good idea to just hold the HT lead on to the plug whilst I pulled the starter cable f*** that hurt

ex_exile

Not trying to score points Ozzie but dude, seriously you could have been dead.

Never done this myself but a warning went out in NZ last year because 6 people had died while insulating under their houses. Aparently to do this you use a relective foil and a staple gun but if you staple through a cable by mistake all of the insulation becomes live! I asked some mates who had sone the job and it hadnt occured to any of them that they could have fried themselves

jond

When I was a teenager I went out in to the back garden to watch the guy next door saw the branch off a tree whilst sitting on the end off it.

My Dad and myself couldn't stop laughing when he came crashing down in to our veggie patch

ozzieeagle

Ok point taken, I was trying to point out in a humorous way that it's best to think about things before undertaking risky activity, especially when one overlooks the dangers. Same message different approach