furkew

I know there are a few computer geeks out there, so this one will probably give you a chuckle.

Last Saturday morning, got up too early, so I sat behind the laptop and checked the mail, checked BE for anything interesting etc etc. While doing this, I see a little pop up from my spyware program. Before i get the chance to read it, it's gone.

I think nothing of it, and coninue to surf about.

Later in the day i'm installing a imac G5 for a friend, everything running, updates downloaded withy my wireless connection and everything. Everything went like a dream.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after I get back from dropping off the new PC at the friends place, I go to pick my mail and do some more surfin. A sweat breaks out !!! NO INTERNET !!!

spend a good deal of time trying to get a connection, but no joy !!
I take the laptop upstairs and conect it with the network connector. Hey presto !! Online.

I have since spent the last three days, uninstalling programs, doing a rollback to see if its a microsoft updat affecting my connection, etc etc. In all I have tried everything but buy a new wireless modem.

So now it's 20.40 in Holland. I tnhink ok, go to bed send a few emails. Oh bugger no internet, so I go to connect the laptop with the UTP cable and I see something.

THE BLOODY CABLE HAD FALLEN OUT THE BACK OF THE WIRELESS MODEM !!!!!



WHAT A BLOODY PILLOCK !!

When will I learn, if it don't work, check the simple things first !!!

DollyDaydream

[bit of background info]. Granny DD, aged 73, had very limited knowledge of computers and especially t'internet. She has stickers all over the edge of her monitor to help her remember stuff. MrDD, years of IT experience, builds computers from scratch.

Last week Granny DD rings up and says she's having problems getting onto the internet. MrDD gently guides her though different things, look at this screen - what does it say....put the cursor on 'x' and click, now what does it say....etc etc etc. After about an hour, with no particular joy they both give up. By now MrDD is pulling his hair out in frustration at not being able to help over the phone and Granny DDs lack of knowledge. It's decided that we go up at the weekend when MrDD can get his hands on the computer and then he'll deffo be able to sort it out.

10 mins later GrannyDD calls back. 'I've switched the computer off, switched it back on again and everythings fine' she tells MrDD which makes him feel a prize dork.

Believe me, you are now alone

D D

Anastasia Beaverhausen

My Mum started a new job a few years ago. She was asked in the interview if she could use Excel. "Yeah" she said "no problem". She got the job, then panicked, she had lied her arse off in the interview.

She asked me to give her a basic tutorial over the phone. We got to it, me going on about "right click" this "left click" that etc... After about 30 minutes I thought she was making progress, she then pipes up "just one thing I dont understand, when you say left click, what am I supposed to be doing"?

"The mouse buttons Mum, the mouse buttons".

"Oh yeah" she says "theres buttons on there"!!!!!!!!

scutterUK

Keep em coming i love stories like this!

I once spent an hour on the phone (aus to UK) talking to my mum who was trying to set up her new email account.

the server kept telling her the username or password was incorrect. So i went through the process of making sure they were both correct. made her type them in 3 times just to make sure. I knew what they were as i'd created the mailbox for her.

So after an hour of talking her through various things to check making sure everything was ok blah blah i decided i'd access her PC remotely and try it myself.

SO we begin talking through how to set this up from her end, disabling firewalls etc and eventually get the remote connection working and i can see her desktop on my PC in aus.

i take control of her pc and within a minute have it all up and working. all that i needed to do we type in the password, of course i flipped! i'm not the most patient person at the best of times and i told her "i asked you god knows how many times to type the password in!!" and i then told her to read back the password to me letter by letter. this she did but read one of the letters wrong. I said to her didn't it occur to you that the password was MY NAME!!! and that you had spelt it wrong!!!....

as much as i like working with computers, i really wish people wouldn't ask me for help!

Nicky & Dave

At my last job I hotdesked in IT - lovely bunch they were too! Bloke on the helpdesk took a call one morning from a panic-striken woman based in our poncy London office, who'd been trying to log on for an hour with no joy. The very droll Yorkshireman handling the call asked her to check the back of her PC and double-check all the cable connections......yep, you guessed it.....only to have her exclaim "Oh, it's not plugged in!!" You are not alone!!!

Nicky

furkew

Help Desk Stories:

- A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

- Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Customer: "Hi...my coffee cup holder isn't coming out any more."
Tech Support: "Your what...?"
Customer: "My coffee cup holder..the thing with the 24X on it"
Tech Support: "Ummm..that's your CD-Rom device..."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Umm...uh...uh...yeah."

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
Sales: "ummm"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "Will it be compatible with my computer?"


Help Desk received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

furkew

The Help Desk
>
>Computer Helpline Calls


>Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left
>of the screen.
>Customer: Your left or my left?
>----------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
>Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
>Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and .
>Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!
>I'm not Bill Gates!
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
>time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted
>the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the
>computer still says he can't find it...
>
>----------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
>Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
>supermarket.
>
>---------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
>Customer: It's not working.
>Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
>Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but
>nothing's happening...
>
>-------------------------------------------
>Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
>Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
>Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
>Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
>Customer: OK
>Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
>Customer: Yes
>Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
>there another keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one
>here. Ah...that one does work!
>
>--------------------------------------------------------
>A customer couldn't get on the internet.
>Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
>Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
>Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?Customer:
>Five stars.
>
>----------------------------------------------
>Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
>screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse,
>it disappears!
>
>------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: How may I help you?
>Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
>Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
>Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the
>circle around it.

scutterUK

DollyDaydream

Sorry, just read last line...should read "you are not alone".....DOH!!!!!

Nicky & Dave

Much funnier, though, with what you'd typed!

DollyDaydream

D D

soapy©

i go through this every single morning. me ol da phones me before i leave for work. i tell him ive added a few pics to the website
its the same every morning. dad....click faves....blah blah blah.
its so bad that i have made pages that fit the screen only. trying to get him to scroll left, right, up or down drives me mental. after 30 mins i jump into the car and im a mental case behind the wheel
i know what your all thinking..dont answer the phone...
nah, how could i do that to the auld yin, anyway i love moaning about it

furkew

I use computers all day, and as a hobby I take them to pieces, so a day without email or internet gives me the shivers, but I have a customer (37 years old) has had a computer for nearly three years now. The guy is definitely not stupid, and last week he sent his first email !!

don't you just love technology.

As soon as you think you're getting the hang of things, they dicontinue it and bring out something new. VHS / DVD / DVD with harddisks / Blu ray.

soapy©

my brother in NZ went on a 6 week course, he was still there a year later three years down the line he can now use skype lol

possoms

Well unless there are any computer geeks in Tas I wont be online if/when we ever get there dont know how to put the puter back together