Hey guys,
Just got back from my reccie and we've made the definite decision to head over to Oz next year.
But I just can't get my head around the concept of moving away "forever" or settling in one place and I need your thoughts/ experiences.
The problem is I feel that I owe it to my OH to eventually settle down somewhere as (1) he does not really have the same wanderlust as me and (2) he has already moved from New Zealand to the UK to be with me!
But If I think about moving away forever, I just can't get my head around it. Yet I would go mad if I thought I'd end up spending the rest of my life in the UK!
My OH is a Kiwi who hadn't ventured outside of New Zealand until he met me. I then drag him half way around the world to England and he has done brilliantly here and loves it. He has built up a new life for himself; job, friends, footie team etc... and now I've decided that I want to emigrate to Australia!!
If my OH had his way we would stay put in England. It took him a long time to get his head around moving from New Zealand to the UK so I feel bad asking him to up sticks again and head to Oz.
Being the wonderful soul he is, he has come round to the idea of moving to Oz and is excited about it. But I know that deep down he is hoping that this is it, that I'll settle in Oz and we'll live happily ever after.
And thats the problem: I suspect that at some point in the future I'll get restless again and want to move on, probably back to the UK. And that will do his poor head in!
My track record does not bode well: after uni I went travelling to NZ where I met my other half and stayed for 2 years. I then got restless and returned home to the UK with my OH and we have now been here 7 years. I am now restless again and so we are moving to Oz. Even in the 7 years we have been in Watford, we have bought & sold houses 3 times because I've got restless where we were living!
I am that rare breed of woman that doesn't think they want children. Is my restlessness in some way linked to that?
How do I learn to be content with what I have and live day by day instead of being so flakey? My OH is the dearest thing in the world to me and although he knows exactly what I'm like, I know deep down he just wants to settle down in one place!
HELP! Pearls of wisdom by the bucketful please!! X

Hi Mrs Kiwi

Wish I could help but I'm in a similar position. I have the wanderlust and my poor OH has suffered because of it.

My kids are now 7 and 4 so he has put his foot down and said this is the last move

(he said that last time though )

Mmmm let me think oz versus Watford,i will have to come back to this one,NOT.Move up the road to Luton then you will def go to oz

hi, where abouts in Watford are you? Where are you hoping to head to? We're in Watford and planning to go to Perth next year. I am at the stage of 'very cold feet' everytime I think of it, which is every minute of every day.

hi

i had cold feet on and off for about 3 months!1
when we came back from our recci my head was wrecked from constantly thinking about oz and all the if and buts.(morning, noon and nite)

oh put me under no pressure to make my decision and i finally said yes, but still a little unsure.

now however i am more determined to go than ever. i think we have thought about it to much to not give it a go and we will always be wondering "what if" if we don't give it a go.

whats the worst that can happen, we can always come home

goodluck no matter what ur desicion

To be honest, before you move to the other side of the world, I would try and address the issue of what makes you so reluctant to settle down.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man and by your own admission, would love to settle down in one place and put down some roots.

If you could be sure Australia would be your home for a good amount of time then thats fine but you dont know that, which is why if it were me, I would be reluctant to move my happy and settled husband to a country that I wasn't sure I would want to remain in.

Moving around and travelling is brilliant but it might be worth discussing with your husband your goals and see if you can find a common ground and compromise.

It's better to sort it out now rather than after you have moved because as you said, he has made some huge changes to his life to please you and is obviously happy to do it again.

But in the back of your mind, if you know he would like to settle down then it is at least worth exploring the possibility and letting him have the chance to do so.

Try and work through that before you move and try and tackle the issue of you remaining in one place long enough to find out how you feel if moving is not on the agenda or possible for some reason and then deal with those emotions accordingly.

Good luck with it though and you are not flakey by any stretch of the imagination.

What have I got to lose? It's not so much myself and my husband my worries are for its the children. My boys are in a fantastic school albeit not a great area and I worry that we might screw up their education. But I try to weigh that up with the life experience we will be giving them. Also as one of them will be 17, he may want to come back to the uk and the family will be split up. Its such a huge decision isn;t it

Thanks guys, for your replies.
I know there are lots of people on this site that ping pong back and forward so its good to know I'm not alone.
What makes us ping pong, I wonder?
I'm COMPLETELY realistic about Oz, I think, having lived in New Zealand.
I'm not expecting Oz to hold any magic answers to the secrets of life but deep down I think I'm hoping it will offer me enough to settle for a good long while. But on the other hand, anywhere is what you make it, so I guess I've got to make it a good enough life to make me want to stay.
Which kind of leads me to your comments, Professional Princess. I do need to find out why I can't settle anywhere but I honestly think it might just be because I like change. Also, my family have always moved around a lot. But I do owe it to my OH to say, look, lets try this and if it doesn't work out, I'll never ask you to do it again.
Kapri - tell me more about your experiences. How long were you in Oz, what brought you home and why are you heading back there? Your OH sounds really lovely, has the ping ponging affected your relationship in any way?
Camacazi - I TOTALLY understand your comments about coming home from the reccie and thinking about nothing else morning, noon and night.
I think that was one of the reasons I wrote this thread yesterday - I'm thinking so much about this move that I'm thinking too deeply.
So I swing from being really positive and thinking - "we'll give it a go and make a really good go of it, and hey, if it doesn't work we can always come back" to being really negative and getting cold feet and thinking "why on earth are we giving up everything we have here?"
There is a book called "Women Who Think Too Much" and that is me to a tee. I think and worry too much and drive myself mad.
Essentially, we before we go crazy we should just keep it simple and say, "we'll try it and give it our best shot. Then we'll never wonder 'what if.' And if it doesn't work out, at least we tried." Keep saying that! And remember - it is natural to have doubts!
HelenWilson - I'm in Croxley Green, where in Watford are you? I'm always around if you fancy a chat. X