i know depressing title.
well thats just how i feel. my kids have finised school today and won't be going back in spet. my eldest came home with the school prize for physics and was told if he wasn't leaving then he would have been house captain or probably head boy next year.........
well i told my mum and i suppose its the straw that broke the camels back - she rushed out the room crying and soooooooo soooooo sad saying she felt so alone and depressed and she can't understand why we are depriving our son of the bright future he has in the UK (he has plans to be a doctor......) naturally those who know me know that i am very good at putting my foot in my mouth......so i say "well he may not be a doctor and end up as a beach bum" OMG you thought the flooding couldn't get any worse in the UK.
I just feel dead inside - i love my mum desperately but i'm not sure what she wants me to say.........

"Ok we won't go"
"tell you what he can stay here"

she is now looking at me with those tearful eyes and using her inahler as i have made he chest wheeze.
add to that the family party which started out as just the 4 of us for my daughters birthday today is now numbering 20...............
sorry to moan, but i know you lot will not mind me getting it off my chest but still
i just feel so evil and dead inside....................

The guilt trip!!

We all go through it, it's their way of showing they care, even if it is in this way.
Don't be too down hearted, be strong. Things will get better for you.

hey you can only live your life as you want it, If you try to please others you will be even more unhappy!!

your son is brilliant he will shine wherever he is, taking him to Oz will not switch off his brain

go and say to your mum you love her you don't want to hurt her you just want the best for your kids the same as she does

Really feel for you! parents seem to have a good line in emotional blackmail! What is stopping your son from studying to become a doctor in aus? I am sure they have some great med schools there, perhaps you can point that out to your Mum. Try not to feel sad- enjoy the party if you can,Happy Birthday to your daughter.

thank you, you three (ash tried to give u K as well as the other two but i gotta spread it about - damn i need to spend more time on here.........)
i totally agree about the doctor thing - does she think they don't have schools in oz he could always drop out over here and move to newquay too...but that wouldn't bother her tho as "as least he'ld be close to his family"
now she doesn't know if she's coming 2nite - i've told her its her choice but its about H's birthday and not Oz so i've come home and left her to it!

yep i suppose its just the next step on the whole ride m'larkey - oh god let me get to the end without throwing up on the person in front

I really feel for you and know where you are coming from.

Many on this forum know me as an Aussie who moved to the UK - and I will be returning to Australia in August and taking my (english) girlfriend with me.

My parents were very suportive when I moved to the UK (I was 27) and helped loads. My girlfriends mum is pretty much making life hell! I have to say that the whole process of moving back has been very easy for us (we are both dual citizens so don't have th visa issues of some pmembers of this forum) but even still the whole proicess of quitting jobs, selling cars, packing up house etc is not an easy one!

In my honest opinion I think that your son - whether he becomes a doctor or whatever he chooses, will only thrive as a result of your change of countries - not because Australia is better necessarily (although it is) but because its a diffierent culture, a differnet way of life and he can see how things are done differently. He is at the age where he can take all that in and it will have a huge influence on the type of person he becomes in the future! I certianly know how much it changed me! Your son obviously knows what he wants to do - and that shows maturity that many adults fail to ever acheive, so I am sure he will manage to succeed in whatever he does!

I don't know why people act the way they do - in many ways I think it is them being selfish. I know my parents where dissapointed when I left Australia, I didn't know how long I would be gone or when I would see them again. But they never showed me that - they knew it was what I wanted, would make me happy and would make me a better person. So they only showed me the supportive side and the side that was happy for me!

I often ask myself why my girlfriends parents have to be so selfish - do they want their daughter to live 5 miles from them (as we currently do) forever?? She has her own life and own ambitions and instead of being negative I don't understnd why they can't see that this will make her happy - isn't that whats most important.

I wish you and your family all the best for the move. You have obviously thought about it long and hard and its not something you have decided lightly! I am sure you have considered all the repercussions!!! You feel that this is the best for you and your kids so you bloody go for it!! In ten years I have no boubt you'll be pleased that you did!!

thank you too andy - i know at this point in time it feels right for us - i'm not saying its forever as i realistically realise that we all go through life doing what we believe it is right at the time.
thanks for your thoughts

Also felt evil bringing my eldest over,she also wants to go into medicine ,but have found her a fantastic school that was able to offer her all she needs ,She is happier here & has made some fantastic new friends.Her UK school was very negative about the move & even offered to sit her exams 2 years early if we stayed .She told me the other day that she constantly had a knot in her stomach in the UK with all the pressure (so i now feel guilty about that)Here she learns through encouragement & enthusiasm.Not saying its easy finding the right school,but there is good education here.
Good luck

Hey what a lovely thing to post on here

thank you for that - i must admit the last report he had in physics he obtained an A* in some exams that count toward his GCSE - on his report he expected grade is A* and yet the teacher wrote satisfactory for everything - how can u get any higher? and he says that he felt that no matter what he did it was never good enough.
some of his teachers have been negative about it but others have been great.
I'm so glla your daughter is happy and settled, i really appreciate you letting me know (don't suppose the school is on the GC? )

totally agree

Aawwwwwwwwwwwwww nightmare!!!!!

I don't know what to say, I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't

Just sending you love and hugs.

You are not evil! Far from it.

It's a very hard emotive time, take it easy on yourself.

Kxxxx

Yeh another one who understands where you are coming from. My mum was bad last time round, this time not quite so bad but god does she make me feel guilty

She ask's if we have had an viewing and then said she hopes we don't have any cause that way we will have to stay. What do you say, gee thanks mum! I do understand why and I do feel for her but she isn't helping. I want to be able to spend as much time with her as I can but sometimes I can't even look at her because of the guilt. Also the more time you do spend together could make it even worse.

What do you do? I just try to be positive and upbeat and try not to show too much emotion about the whole thing, hopefully it is making it a little more easier this time round.

Mandy

My girlfriend is getting like you - we have 4 weeks left in the uK and instead of spending time with her mum she is avoiding her because of all the constant comments, guit trips etc!!

Women eh?? ....You don't get us MEN carryong on like this....

(watch the reaction now)

The guilt is awful isn't it? I feel for you N.

I phoned my Mum on Saturday night as I was feeling a bit upset. She spent most of the call trying to convince me not to go to Australia

My boss's daughter emigrated to Australia a few years ago and she said initially it felt like a bereavement and she was very angry. She accepts it now though - time is a great healer.

I don't actually think our Mums are being selfish - I think they're just being Mums who love us and don't want to see us go to the other side of the world for good.

Unfortunately that's why we feel so guilty

Once you've gone your Mum will get used to it, your guilt will ease and everything will settle down I'm sure.

thanks K

thanks - yes i forgot some of you have gone through it several times OMG. all the best - and i hope u get a buyer soon

see this is why i love BE - everyone is in the same boat and we can all relate. when i talk to MRW about it he just says "don't talk to her anymore"

see andy its deffo MEN