How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
May 14th 2012, 10:24 am
#16
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
About a month ago, I was seen on numerous occasions striding through the Westfield with a 5-year-old-sized 3 year old over my shoulder kicking and screaming like I was hurting him/kidnapping him. I just smiled at anyone staring and got to the lift recess as quickly as possible. Not many people, nothing to hurt himself on. Perfect time out space. Then cuddles and we can go back to what we were doing. I refuse to give him an audience when he kicks off.
The next time we were there, in the lift area, another family were doing exactly the same and looked mortified. I just chatted to them about the fact that we do it too, and the Mum visibly relaxed.
I would give any parent reassuring looks or ask if they're ok. It's just a nice thing to do and to the snotty people - good for you if your children are perfect, mine are just children. Noone should judge, as others have said, Aspergers and other SEN is often invisible....
My son is very tall for his age so people often think he's older than he is. Hence the looks........
The next time we were there, in the lift area, another family were doing exactly the same and looked mortified. I just chatted to them about the fact that we do it too, and the Mum visibly relaxed.
I would give any parent reassuring looks or ask if they're ok. It's just a nice thing to do and to the snotty people - good for you if your children are perfect, mine are just children. Noone should judge, as others have said, Aspergers and other SEN is often invisible....
My son is very tall for his age so people often think he's older than he is. Hence the looks........
May 14th 2012, 12:01 pm
#17
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
DD (nearly 4) had a meltdown in a food court a couple of weeks ago - a weekday, typically, so I was on my own to deal with it. As well as trying to look after DS (16 months). She can be a very willfull, headstrong (stubborn!) little Madam. Bless her. I can't remember what set her off, but she got into a complete and utter funk about it and behaved hideously. Threw herself on the floor, screamed, screeched - crying to the point of retching. All that works when she acts that way is waiting - trying to hug her to calm her down makes her worse, so it's just a case of sitting back and waiting for the storm to pass. Which just makes me look like I'm not bothered. 
And means I do get tutted at quite a lot. But on that occasion, one woman came over and asked if there was anything she could do to help. I think I could have kissed her. She just said that she'd been there (she had a child about DD's age with her) and knew it can be hard. She couldn't help and I refused her, but just someone not being judgemental and offering a little sympathy was quite nice for a change. 
Ordinarily, I'd offer a sympathetic smile on witnessing a scene, but knowing how grateful I was for even a stranger's support, I'd be more inclined to offer help now.
And means I do get tutted at quite a lot. But on that occasion, one woman came over and asked if there was anything she could do to help. I think I could have kissed her. She just said that she'd been there (she had a child about DD's age with her) and knew it can be hard. She couldn't help and I refused her, but just someone not being judgemental and offering a little sympathy was quite nice for a change. Ordinarily, I'd offer a sympathetic smile on witnessing a scene, but knowing how grateful I was for even a stranger's support, I'd be more inclined to offer help now.
May 14th 2012, 12:16 pm
#18
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Joined: Apr 2004
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Mine were generally well behaved when we were out, they worked out pretty fast that if they went into one, I'd stop what I was doing, dump them back in the car and go home but then they were just being shitty, not being unable to help themselves. The one time Tiddler threw a paddy, we were just walking in Somerfields and she decided to throw herself to the floor and scream and kick etc. I looked at her, told her I was walking away and did. I only went behind the nearest aisle but the only people to look at me as though I was the devil were elderly ladies - 'we didn't allow our children to behave like that in my day' types.
One woman did come over and asked me why I'd left Tiddler so I asked her if she wanted her, she then realised I (vaguely) knew what I was doing, smiled and walked away. If anyone had tutted they'd have heard about it. Tiddler never tried it again.
They're 19 and 17 now and a few months ago we got to the supermarket and they started sniping at each other so I left the trolley and walked out leaving them dumbstruck.
First Born was horrified 
Anyway Mandy, ignore the tutters, smile at the good ones and just concentrate on J. If they judge you that's their concern, not yours.
One woman did come over and asked me why I'd left Tiddler so I asked her if she wanted her, she then realised I (vaguely) knew what I was doing, smiled and walked away. If anyone had tutted they'd have heard about it. Tiddler never tried it again.
They're 19 and 17 now and a few months ago we got to the supermarket and they started sniping at each other so I left the trolley and walked out leaving them dumbstruck.
First Born was horrified Anyway Mandy, ignore the tutters, smile at the good ones and just concentrate on J. If they judge you that's their concern, not yours.
May 14th 2012, 1:08 pm
#19
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
And as if on cue, he's just thrown one in a small branch of NAB. Granted he's got a stinking cold. The cashier was nice and offered him a lolly. The others in the queue radiated their displeasure and one of those had a double buggy with her. Ah well!
May 14th 2012, 1:37 pm
#20
Lost in BE Cyberspace
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Or even in a public space.
The reason i ask the question is my youngest boy who has aspergers is what can i say challenging at times when i have to take to get any shopping, go to any drs or generally any where in public. Thank fully he can have days where the only hassle he gives me is in having to walk on the red squares only from the car park to the drs or insisting on going a certain route to the toilet.
However there have been days where he has meltdowns and screams at me for what to some seem like insignificant things.
I have some people who tutt at me and mutter under their breath stupid woman or bad mother. Ive even had one woman report me to security as my son was what she percived to be a nutter.
Thank fully ive had some really nice people who could see i was distressed at his behaviour and managed to help me calm him down and seemed to understand. Infact one woman who witnessed a scene when i had to get him new shoes was an angel and distracted him by asking himself. However i wish more people would be as undertanding
So what would the people of BE do if they saw a mother struggling with a difficult child?
Mandy
The reason i ask the question is my youngest boy who has aspergers is what can i say challenging at times when i have to take to get any shopping, go to any drs or generally any where in public. Thank fully he can have days where the only hassle he gives me is in having to walk on the red squares only from the car park to the drs or insisting on going a certain route to the toilet.
However there have been days where he has meltdowns and screams at me for what to some seem like insignificant things.
I have some people who tutt at me and mutter under their breath stupid woman or bad mother. Ive even had one woman report me to security as my son was what she percived to be a nutter.
Thank fully ive had some really nice people who could see i was distressed at his behaviour and managed to help me calm him down and seemed to understand. Infact one woman who witnessed a scene when i had to get him new shoes was an angel and distracted him by asking himself. However i wish more people would be as undertanding
So what would the people of BE do if they saw a mother struggling with a difficult child?
Mandy
If they are rude enough to stare, gawp etc then you have the right to speak back to them. I have had my own stare moments
I had a skin cancer cut off my neck, it left quite a scar and the very obvious conclusion that most hats even broad brim do NOTHING to protect your lower face and neck. So I often wear a hat with the long neck cover.
The staring and gawping is unbelievable
first I ignored, then I would simply point to the scar and say skin cancer! The odd person has continued to stare, one woman got me on a bad day, , looked like a freaking crocodile, all skin exposed for further leathering, skimpy top, so as she is staring at me!! I said very loudly, its a hat love, protects you from the sun so I dont end up looking like a haggard old cow like you.
After that I felt quite liberated. Not only do I wear the army issue hat with pride
for extreme days I even pull out a huge silver UV golf umbrella.
May 14th 2012, 2:31 pm
#21
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
If they are rude enough to stare, gawp etc then you have the right to speak back to them. I have had my own stare moments
I had a skin cancer cut off my neck, it left quite a scar and the very obvious conclusion that most hats even broad brim do NOTHING to protect your lower face and neck. So I often wear a hat with the long neck cover.
The staring and gawping is unbelievable first I ignored, then I would simply point to the scar and say skin cancer!
The odd person has continued to stare, one woman got me on a bad day, , looked like a freaking crocodile, all skin exposed for further leathering, skimpy top, so as she is staring at me!! I said very loudly, its a hat love, protects you from the sun so I dont end up looking like a haggard old cow like you.
After that I felt quite liberated. Not only do I wear the army issue hat with pride for extreme days I even pull out a huge silver UV golf umbrella.
I had a skin cancer cut off my neck, it left quite a scar and the very obvious conclusion that most hats even broad brim do NOTHING to protect your lower face and neck. So I often wear a hat with the long neck cover.
The staring and gawping is unbelievable
first I ignored, then I would simply point to the scar and say skin cancer! The odd person has continued to stare, one woman got me on a bad day, , looked like a freaking crocodile, all skin exposed for further leathering, skimpy top, so as she is staring at me!! I said very loudly, its a hat love, protects you from the sun so I dont end up looking like a haggard old cow like you.
After that I felt quite liberated. Not only do I wear the army issue hat with pride
for extreme days I even pull out a huge silver UV golf umbrella.
May 14th 2012, 5:21 pm
#22
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
There was a toddler in a supermarket trolley having a tantrum because he wanted lollies, screaming and creating. The mum ignored him as did everyone else, I walked past pushing my trolley & made a gun shape with my hand did the shooting noise & blew the imaginary smoke away Clint Eastwood style. The kid just gawked at me & stopped his tantrum.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
May 14th 2012, 6:13 pm
#23
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
(I hope) you were trying for the distraction technique?? But perhaps would a stupid face, tongue sticking out, be less agressive?
Perhaps I'm being over sensitive but if my boys were to point a "pretend gun" at me or anyone else, of any kind, I'd be concerned and be giving a lesson into pointing guns, violence, death etc
We're a family that hunt, with guns so I don't think I'm being overly precious?
As to OP - I had a challenging toddler and often had to deal with the older generation tut tutting. I mostly ignored them but it was harder as a new first time mum, embarrassment came first and then by the time the shopping was in the car, I'd thought of all sorts of clever & witty comebacks!
I do disapprove of some of the language parents chose to use with their children in public though - to quote one from some years back "don't f&*king swear at me, I'll teach you what each word means"
May 14th 2012, 6:19 pm
#24
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Sorry Cresta but I would find this a little worrying?
(I hope) you were trying for the distraction technique?? But perhaps would a stupid face, tongue sticking out, be less agressive?
Perhaps I'm being over sensitive but if my boys were to point a "pretend gun" at me or anyone else, of any kind, I'd be concerned and be giving a lesson into pointing guns, violence, death etc
We're a family that hunt, with guns so I don't think I'm being overly precious?
As to OP - I had a challenging toddler and often had to deal with the older generation tut tutting. I mostly ignored them but it was harder as a new first time mum, embarrassment came first and then by the time the shopping was in the car, I'd thought of all sorts of clever & witty comebacks!
I do disapprove of some of the language parents chose to use with their children in public though - to quote one from some years back "don't f&*king swear at me, I'll teach you what each word means"
(I hope) you were trying for the distraction technique?? But perhaps would a stupid face, tongue sticking out, be less agressive?
Perhaps I'm being over sensitive but if my boys were to point a "pretend gun" at me or anyone else, of any kind, I'd be concerned and be giving a lesson into pointing guns, violence, death etc
We're a family that hunt, with guns so I don't think I'm being overly precious?
As to OP - I had a challenging toddler and often had to deal with the older generation tut tutting. I mostly ignored them but it was harder as a new first time mum, embarrassment came first and then by the time the shopping was in the car, I'd thought of all sorts of clever & witty comebacks!
I do disapprove of some of the language parents chose to use with their children in public though - to quote one from some years back "don't f&*king swear at me, I'll teach you what each word means"
I did follow a mother and 2 primary aged sons through the shopping centre here one day and overheard her saying "No, you don't spell it like that, that way just means a donkey. You spell it A....R....S....E." With the desperation of a mother annoyed that her child can't spell......
May 14th 2012, 6:20 pm
#25
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
There was a toddler in a supermarket trolley having a tantrum because he wanted lollies, screaming and creating. The mum ignored him as did everyone else, I walked past pushing my trolley & made a gun shape with my hand did the shooting noise & blew the imaginary smoke away Clint Eastwood style. The kid just gawked at me & stopped his tantrum.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
May 14th 2012, 8:00 pm
#26
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Interesting one, as the parent what would you prefer?
I normally try to pretend I haven't noticed and walk past with face averted as remember people looking at me when daughter having toddler tantrums and I hated it!
Sometimes I'd like to offer a sympathetic smile or a helping hand but think I have a fear of being rebuffed or told off for interfering. So maybe more people are like me and seem 'cold' just because they don't know how to act/what to do for the best.
I normally try to pretend I haven't noticed and walk past with face averted as remember people looking at me when daughter having toddler tantrums and I hated it!
Sometimes I'd like to offer a sympathetic smile or a helping hand but think I have a fear of being rebuffed or told off for interfering. So maybe more people are like me and seem 'cold' just because they don't know how to act/what to do for the best.
I normally try to ignore the feet stamping as best i can but when i do thats when i get people often being down right nasty about my parenting skills.
There has been one day when i was not well but had to get shopping in and take youngest with me. Of course he was the kid from hell that day and i nearly burst into tears because i could just not cope with him that day. Luckily just as i got through the check out some who i only knew from a distance came over and asked if i would like a cuppa. As i looked like i needed one. She took us to a small cafe, got my son a biscuit and a drink of juice and a coffee for me. At the time my son was 4 and i had no idea what was wrong with him and was being told by nursery/pre school and the dr it was poor parenting skills that was to blame.I was so thankfull for freindly support that day when i was at breaking point.
Mandy
May 14th 2012, 8:03 pm
#27
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Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Mine were generally well behaved when we were out, they worked out pretty fast that if they went into one, I'd stop what I was doing, dump them back in the car and go home but then they were just being shitty, not being unable to help themselves. The one time Tiddler threw a paddy, we were just walking in Somerfields and she decided to throw herself to the floor and scream and kick etc. I looked at her, told her I was walking away and did. I only went behind the nearest aisle but the only people to look at me as though I was the devil were elderly ladies - 'we didn't allow our children to behave like that in my day' types.
One woman did come over and asked me why I'd left Tiddler so I asked her if she wanted her, she then realised I (vaguely) knew what I was doing, smiled and walked away. If anyone had tutted they'd have heard about it. Tiddler never tried it again.
They're 19 and 17 now and a few months ago we got to the supermarket and they started sniping at each other so I left the trolley and walked out leaving them dumbstruck. First Born was horrified
Anyway Mandy, ignore the tutters, smile at the good ones and just concentrate on J. If they judge you that's their concern, not yours.
One woman did come over and asked me why I'd left Tiddler so I asked her if she wanted her, she then realised I (vaguely) knew what I was doing, smiled and walked away. If anyone had tutted they'd have heard about it. Tiddler never tried it again.
They're 19 and 17 now and a few months ago we got to the supermarket and they started sniping at each other so I left the trolley and walked out leaving them dumbstruck.
First Born was horrified Anyway Mandy, ignore the tutters, smile at the good ones and just concentrate on J. If they judge you that's their concern, not yours.
Mandy
May 14th 2012, 8:16 pm
#28
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,603
Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
Agree, you can't concern yourself with people who are not privy to your personal circumstances.
If they progress to get involved :
- Helpful (be grateful)
- Non Helpful (report them to the shopping centre mngt, ask them where they work/live so you can catchup later
)If people stand and stare, I take a photo of them and explain their next
Just remain calm and realise you are not a bad parent. You are a good parent trying to make do with a difficult situation. Non Helpful people need to have their photos displayed to make people aware they are not helpful
May 14th 2012, 8:54 pm
#29
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Joined: Jan 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia
Posts: 214
Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
There was a toddler in a supermarket trolley having a tantrum because he wanted lollies, screaming and creating. The mum ignored him as did everyone else, I walked past pushing my trolley & made a gun shape with my hand did the shooting noise & blew the imaginary smoke away Clint Eastwood style. The kid just gawked at me & stopped his tantrum.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
Next isle they caught up with me & he makes two guns & shoots both, complete with sound effects. Deb came around the corner in time to see me clutching my chest & feigning dying. Small child cackling loudly saying "I shot him mum"
I'm not sure which mother was more embarrassed.
May 14th 2012, 9:21 pm
#30
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,555
Re: How would you react to a child playing a mother up in a shopping center ?
I have accepted the judgement as part of being a parent of an aspy. What most do not realise is that a meltdown is often a serious anxiety attack that cannot be managed easily. My son is in serious distress when it happens and the only way out is to get him out of the situation and somewhere "safe". Frankly my only concern if for him and the judgemental are irrelevant.
Or even in a public space.
The reason i ask the question is my youngest boy who has aspergers is what can i say challenging at times when i have to take to get any shopping, go to any drs or generally any where in public. Thank fully he can have days where the only hassle he gives me is in having to walk on the red squares only from the car park to the drs or insisting on going a certain route to the toilet.
However there have been days where he has meltdowns and screams at me for what to some seem like insignificant things.
I have some people who tutt at me and mutter under their breath stupid woman or bad mother. Ive even had one woman report me to security as my son was what she percived to be a nutter.
Thank fully ive had some really nice people who could see i was distressed at his behaviour and managed to help me calm him down and seemed to understand. Infact one woman who witnessed a scene when i had to get him new shoes was an angel and distracted him by asking himself. However i wish more people would be as undertanding
So what would the people of BE do if they saw a mother struggling with a difficult child?
Mandy
The reason i ask the question is my youngest boy who has aspergers is what can i say challenging at times when i have to take to get any shopping, go to any drs or generally any where in public. Thank fully he can have days where the only hassle he gives me is in having to walk on the red squares only from the car park to the drs or insisting on going a certain route to the toilet.
However there have been days where he has meltdowns and screams at me for what to some seem like insignificant things.
I have some people who tutt at me and mutter under their breath stupid woman or bad mother. Ive even had one woman report me to security as my son was what she percived to be a nutter.
Thank fully ive had some really nice people who could see i was distressed at his behaviour and managed to help me calm him down and seemed to understand. Infact one woman who witnessed a scene when i had to get him new shoes was an angel and distracted him by asking himself. However i wish more people would be as undertanding
So what would the people of BE do if they saw a mother struggling with a difficult child?
Mandy
