Sounds a deep and heavy topic but it's nearing that time of night.

Let me set the scene ......

Moved to Australia.

Within a couple of months we'd been to the usual "there's new people in town" type gatherings and then we'd met a few of the same people over a couple of times.

With time we became closer friends with one couple. Weekends away occasionally, Saturday morning coffeess and maybe a bbq once a month. Nothing over the top but good comfy friendship. That Xmas card said thank you for all they'd given us, we appreciated it so much.

6 mths on - still the same.

Couple after that .... sorry busy, kids sports, trips to the city etc "You know how it is". You believe that for a while but then 6 mths along you realise actually no-ones that busy.

Now problem = we're all too polite to stand up and bloody ask what the problem is? See them around and all sort of like it used to be but not (if you know what I mean).

Maybe they just didn't like us? Maybe we did something wrong?

But as adult as we are ... it's knocked us for six. I have nearly turned into a hermit (hence the increased use in BE - it's my savior so please be nice).

How do we move on? What do we do?

Hey Jo,
Dont question yourselves, theyre the ones who have changed, for all you know hun they could be major swingers and realised your not going to play their game...

joking aside, people change, maybe theyre having their own problems etc, maybe the kids fell out and the adults are being stupid,
you should still get out there, for the local gatherings/events etc, keep your chin up xxxx

Just tell yourself (correctly) that it is their loss.

BTW I'm 70 klms from anywhere and not even a farmer! Love the country here (and in the UK) Shame more expats can't get to live in the wilds. We're in Casterton and stepdaughter is in Naracoorte.

Good luck!

Thanks Kats!!! You're right, it's just in such a small community everyone's so inter connected it's not funny!

I suppose if we knew we'd pissed them off it would be far easier, stuff 'em say but as it is we don't know and therefore you begin to wonder about yourself and everybody else.

Its hard...

I know that some people use others to get to where they want to be or as a stop gap/ stepping stone to 'better' things...

As a dear friend of mine says... we all come over here and we're in the same boat, we know no one and we all make an effort... after a while you find yer friends ....and find that yer not friends with everyone you thought you might be friends with....... and i suppose that's it really... reality sets in after a while

its hard, it can hurt, but at the end of the day its them not you... and you can't change that.

You have to pick yourself up and get back out there... no one held yer hand coming over... you were big enough, bad enough and ugly enough to get here... and yer just as capeable of going out and making new friendships... Dont let anyone else get you down... and dont dwell on what was... just accept and move on...

Fairly normal for Aussie friendships I would say.

Forgot to add...

next time you see their 4x4 in IGA carpark

let their tyres down

its DEEPLY satisfying

thanks Alistair .... I agree - the wilds are for enjoying (Naracoorte's only 90 mins away and where we do some shopping, orthotics, etc!! )

Sometimes though you wish for a greater populations to chose from for mates - not that I regret the friendship, that's the sad thing, I appreciate the friendship and just wish it hadn't ended!

God that's sad! Easier when you're 7 and you hate your best mate every other day and then make uk!

You've made me smile Eddie ---- thanks!

Some people just move on mate. No big deal unless you let it be.

just move on to a new set of swingers

Love it

To Jothefw - I kind-of know how you feel and it isn't nice is it. Split with a very good friend of many years a few months back, hurts like hell, and I still don't know what I did wrong, how I upset things or anything. MAkes me look back and question so many things that happened between us - was he using me at times, was it a genuine friendship etc. He just turned his back and walked away - well, drove away actually, but you know what I mean!! It does hurt like hell when you remember the things you've shared, thank god for another, more loyal friend who has kept me going Hope you manage to find someone else, but I don't have a recipe to help you do that I'm afraid Hooray for BE, being here when you needed it

It happened to me four years ago. And it was one of my closest friends. She just stopped dead returning my calls, I made quite big efforts to see her again and in fact I did everything other than ask her straight what was the problem. She then got married and when I did not get my invitation I knew it was all over, somebody else sent me a link to her wedding photos and I just cried and cried when I saw them.

A few years later she got back in touch by sending me a friend request on facebook which I accepted. She has several times suggested we meet up over the last 12 months, but I have just not been able to bring myself to accept so far. I don't know how we can go back to where we were. Time to move on. I think you need to move on and forget about it. Not all friendships are destined to last forever.

Very true.
I sometimes think wistfully about old friendships, but then I realise that we probably have nothing in common now.
Some friendships I'm sure would be rekindled if we lived in the same area but others died a death.

Jo - if you know you have done nothing wrong then don't worry about it. There could be so many reasons - perhaps her OH had the hots for you and so she ended the friendship to remove temptation, maybe one or the other of them is depressed and they don't feel like socialising, maybe they have huge financial problems.

Don't let it knock your confidence - there will be other friends out there

I've been through similar with a friend I'd had for years. She was there with me when my daughter arrived in a hurry on my living room floor & we were there for each other through a lot of things. She's my eldests godmother & I'm godmother to her daughter. When I met hubby we were all very close as couples. We invited her & her family out for a drink to celebrate our wedding (no one was invited to the wedding itself) & they said they'd come but then never showed up. That was the last we heard from them. Texts & phone calls were ignored, I even knocked on their front door a few times, both cars there & voices inside but no one answered. Bumped in to her in Tescos & couldn't get a word out of her. Sent a couple more messages but still nothing. I still see her as she lives 2 doors up from my elder kids but she just blanks me. I still send cards & presents to my goddaughter on her birthday but she has nothing to do with my kids.

I'm at a complete lose as to what happened. I would love to sort things out before we leave here but sadly I can't see it happening.

I think you just have to accept sometimes that people move on for whatever reason. It would be great if people could be honest & tell you what the problem is but most don't seem to be able to. In some respects I think I'd rather be out of the situation than worrying all the time that I might say or do something wrong whilst in their company.

Alison x

Spot on Kapri.
Just the sort of thought processes we went through and for a long time.

You come up with a multitude of potential and indeed pretty fictitious reasons but as others have said it is unlikely you will ever discover what really happened.

It's like Soapy suggested to us.
It's probably nothing you have done at all but some event or other within their walls that changed them.

Nice to know you are not alone isn't it Jo?