lucy71

Hello!

I want to return to Australia but how can I justify it to my partner / family / friends when I was the one who pushed for us to move back to the UK?

Have I got rose tinted glasses on about Australia now I'm back?

I returned to the Uk in March this year after three and a half years in Melbourne with my partner and baby. I really struggled dealing with being out there to start with but slowly I fell in love with Melbourne and loved living there, although I did compare it a fair bit to the UK and moan like a whinging pom (!) about it as well a fair bit!

I had a lot of emotional pressure to deal with from my mum right from the start which never let up and when I had my baby it got a lot worse... So, in a nutshell I felt guilty about being out there and pushed to come back.

My OH didn't want to come back, even though he wasn't totally happy in Melbourne he didn't want to come back to the UK. It's hard to understand if you haven't got a mum like this, I love my mum very much but it's hard work dealing with someone who knows how to flick your guilt switches on !

I think I had rose tinted glasses on about England though and they've pretty much come off since we've been back. This isn't due to the media just my perceptions of what life is like back here.

My memories of the UK in oz were:

spending quality time with family (came back to lots of family drama's so not good quality time spent so far!)
hot summer days (ha! that sure hasn't happened this year!)
great supermarkets (this is true, much better than Coles etc)
europe on your doorstep ( BUT not so accessible with a baby for weekend breaks, barely get time off to go to hairdressers!)
lovely christmases (looking forward to christmas this year v. much!)
etc etc etc
Seeing friends (this is good, but they don't seem to want to know anything about our life in Melbourne!)

When I was in oz, I whinged on about the heat in summer, flies, supermarkets, quality of childrens clothing, tv, christmas not the same, feeling homesick, missing family and friends of course...

My OH keeps asking me why do I want to return to oz if all I did was moan about it when I was there! How do I reply to that?

I didn't moan all the time mind you, I actually enjoyed it most of the time and had a good life out there with some great friends which I miss very much. I just felt under immense emotional pressure to come back... I didn't tell my OH about the guilt trips/sad letters from my mum saying how Christmas would never be the same with me not there any more/ texts asking me when am I coming back/phonecalls with her crying down the phone because I felt embarassed by her behaviour. I wish I had now, it might have made a difference...

My reasons for wanting to move back are:

I think my baby would have a much better life out there generally, great playgrounds, outdoor areas etc, schooling not so rigid in terms of SATS etc.
Weather better (makes SUCH a difference to how you feel. Winter in Melbourne is like summer in the UK!)
Good friends.
Love the outdoors lifestyle, being outdoors in general. Find it hard being stuck indoors for days on end when it's raining
Daily living feels a lot more relaxed and easier somehow. Of course you've got to do the same old stuff that you do in England on a day to day basis but the pace of life seems more relaxed somehow.
Eating out, cafes much better, miss having breakfast out! (superficial thing I know but it really makes a difference!)
Better quality of life in general.


I'm finding it really hard to settle back into life here. I'm really trying and have a list of positives about being back here on my bedroom cupboard door but I miss my life in Melbourne too!

I think I took a lot of it for granted when I was out there, especially with having a good support network of aussie friends. I feel like I've made such a big mistake to come back and if I can't convince my OH that it would be a good idea to move back I guess I'll just have to deal with it because I'm the one who's put us back here.

We've got the passports so moving back is an option...it's just whether my OH would consider it or not...

If we did move back it would kill my mum, but I'm not going to let it put me off this time. Might sound selfish I know but we have to do what's best for us as a family now, even though I think it will break her heart. (I'm one of three and she has two grandchildren who live locally to her but she lives for us rather than for herself if that makes any sense...)

My OH has said that he thinks we might move back to oz in a year or two but I think he's only saying that because we're in a state of limbo at the moment (currently living in my dad's house in an area where we don't know anyone) and not enjoying being back very much.

I'm so interested to read about other ping pongers on this forum, makes me feel like not such a "grass is greener on the other side" sort of person!

So, it's hard to justify why I'd like to move back to oz when I was the one who pushed to come back here, I was wondering if anyone else on here has had a similar experience?

Lucy

Kath & Graham

Hi Lucy

Have pmd you!!

Babsw

same here, have pmd you.

mad city fan

sorry but ive not pmd you, but I am wishing you good luck with what ever you decide,

reboundpoms

can you 2 pm me whatever you pm'd her as we are in a similar possition

i wont pm you coz i am as confused, if not more so, than you hahahahaha

moneypenny20

I haven't PMd you either as I didn't see the point If I were you, I'd print off your post and give it to your husband. You've explained quite clearly how you feel and how confused it all it. Might be more straightforward if he was to read that and then you can discuss it without getting confused.

nightnurse2

Can I have a pm cos I feel left out

I'd do as Moneypen says and print off your post and let him read it.
If he knows why you did what you did and won't do again (let the guilt get to you) then maybe he'll want you all to have another go.
Best of luck

cooksdownunder

Hi Lucy,

Did you get my pm? If so hope it helps, been where you are and sympathise, sounds simple but make sure you talk to OH about your feelings, don't just push them aside, sometimes we only appreciate what we had when its gone. Good luck

mandoz

Could those who have pm'd lucy Pm me too??

Pleeeeese. Would be very grateful.

Thankyou.

Lucy,

I could have written your post myself.

My only other advise (other than what's been suggested so far), is that maybe you stick it out a bit longer here?

Not what you want to hear I know, but I think you do get a bit of reverse culture shock when you have been away from the uk a while, as you have.


The other reason for doing this is you could perhaps use that time to start thinking about what you really want and do a bit of soul searching, and more importantly maybe address the relationship you have with your mum.

The reason I say this is because (I think) and its only an opinion based on my experience you do need to tackle the main issue for your return (your mum)and face that head on, face to face before returning to oz (which for what its worth I think you will do eventually, as you clearly 'do' love the place). Otherwise the same thing may happen again, as your mum does sound a bit manipulative and seemingly had/still has? a strong enough hold on you to bring you back.

In regards to convincing you hubby, let me know if you do succeed because as far as thats concerned I am in the same boat
Although he now says he will go back...but not for another 12-18months as he feels the youngest is too young (I stuggled out there with my first child at the same age).

Good luck and do come back and rant some more if you like....and then I will join you!

CEM

Hi Lucy

I've been in a similar situation. We moved to Perth in 1999 with 3 young kids (4,3 and 1). I had exactly the same issues as you when we were there. No Sainsburys, badly made, expensive clothes, no family or friends who we shared a history with, guilt at having the grandchildren so far away (not that my parents ever put any pressure on us) etc, etc. Hubby v happy in new job made it clear we weren't coming back to the uk any time soon - understandably. After 6 mths some friends joined us out there and although it took time, I learned to love everything WA had to offer, esp for the kids. We came back to the uk on holiday a couple of times - where I stocked up in Next, M&S etc (my kids wore the clothes I'd bought then I took them to a 'recycled' clothes shop and almost made as much back on them as I'd paid!) and after the 2nd time I'd decided that I didn't want to live here any more. However for various reasons (mostly work related) we ended up back here and I absolutely HATED it. We arrived back in the summer of 2003 and the weather was gorgeous for weeks so I couldn't complain about that, but nothing felt right. Like you no one wanted to hear about our 'adventure'. It was almost as though they thought we'd had some kind of mid life crisis and it was best put behind us! No one could understand my grief (that's exactly what it felt like) and thought I should just slot back in to my old life. I'd taken my girls away from a lovely school where they were nurtured and valued for who they were and put them into places where achievement is far more important than effort and where they're taught, rather than educated. I'd've given anything to be back in Coles!! It was tough. For ages. Eventually though I started to make new friends and now have a group of really close friends who meet up often outside school and have our houses filled with each others teenagers all the time!
We've been back to Oz a couple of times - last time this time last year and I had a wobbly time when we came back, but mostly I'm ok. A friend of mine in Perth says that if you've lived in more than one country it's very hard to feel completely settled in just one. I think she's probably right.

In January oh was offered a job..... in Sydney! Here we go again!

Good luck with whatever you do. It does get easier but it does take time and if you do go back be prepared for the same doubts and worries. At least this time you'd know they're normal! C

mandoz

CEM- It sounds to me like you are a very positive person ans able to adapt to life anywhere. I do think being so far away from close family with young children is difficult and you did it with three! I take my hat of to you!.

Sydney has my heart. I know it is expensive and brash and all, but it is a beautiful vibrant city...and you will love it....so will your teenagers

CEM

Thanks Mandoz - Hope you're right. Eldest (nearly 14) does not want to go, middle (12) does, then doesn't and youngest (10) has been packed since January!! C

reallyhappy

You have to think of your own happiness too!

Can't live your life for others. I know this seems harsh, but you must think of your own emotional health, particularly as you have a child now as well!

Good Luck.
x

ionaskye

great post , \

I know a few people who wlll really enjoy reading this and how insightful it is .

Racht70

I agree too great answer