lucy71

Hi

We're about to tell our three year old about our move back over to oz (pingponged back over here two years ago).

I'm just not sure how to do it or say it.

Have you any advice please on what to say and how to say it?

I'm also worried about how he will settle over there as he's very happy in preschool and starting to make little friends over here. I feel guilty for taking him away from his life here sometimes and of course from family.

Many thanks in advance
Lucy

al150n

Our 3 year old doesn't seem all that phased about moving & is looking forward to going back to Perth. I'm not sure how much he remembers of our validation trip as it was 18 months ago now but he loves looking at the photos & seeing our friends. He loves his pre-school but he'd be leaving there in July anyway to go to school & his favourite friends are going to different local schools to where he'd have gone.

Our 5 year old (only just 5) has been really excited about the move since we went out there & talks about it & our friends there constantly. However she's since started school & has 2 best friends which I think is going to cause us a few tears. I was chatting to her about it this morning & I think she's viewing us going as a holiday & she'll be back at school here at some point. Her face said it all this morning when I said we wouldn't be coming back. I did say that we'd get email addresses for her best friends so she can still send them letters & photos just like she does to our friends in Oz & that seemed to cheer her up a bit. I have also managed to just get her in to Rainbows here as Girl Guides is worldwide I thought it would be an interest for her that she could continue with once we move.

I think you just need to keep it exciting for them & not make a big deal out of it. I believe our youngest will be back at home with me for a bit before starting kindergarten next February so it will probably just seem like a long holiday for him to start with whilst we get settled & our daughter sorted at school.

Alison x

irishbloo

He will be fine.Stop stressing.You will make yourself sick worrying over everyone.Hes three.Mine were slightly older.When we told them we were moving it went along the lines,"hands up who wants to go to Australia."The answer was meeeeeeeee.

Gems

My daughter was 2 half when we moved over.
She was fine, she just thought it was one big holiday!

We just said we would be going on a big aeroplane and going to live in a nice sunny place. Mentioned the beach several times and we would buy her a new bucket and spade.
Toddlers are easily pleased, a few treats and a good day at the beach and they are happy.

I wouldnt worry, its the older kids who notice the move more.

Gems

Betty Boot

I too am worried about my kids, esp the 7 year old who is such a sensitive little soul but i think as mums its inbuilt to worry about how it will effect them, not only will we have to deal with our own emotions, but theirs as well. 2 of my kids were born in perth but remember very little about it but they have seen lots of photos and family dvds of where home used to be, so i am hoping that makes it slightly easier for them

Bernieboy

Just tell him he's going to the zoo

Kayelem

I have 3 kids, 12, 10 and 5. I just told em "we're moving to Austrailia" they didn't get a say. Didn't say permanently just that we will go and see what we think cause thats the truth. This will happen all through life people come, people go. A pre schooler will just go with the flow if you don't make a big thing of it. At that age they barely know what day or time it is let alone getting into deep thought about moving to OZ. As long s as your little one is with you I doubt they will give a second thought to little friends left behind.

lucy71

Hello

Thanks for the replies, some were very straight to the point, which is good!

I told my LO this morning about the move. He's three and a half.

Said we had something exciting to tell him, that we are moving back to live in Australia and would move into a new house. Tried to keep it as simple as possible.

He promptly burst into tears, asking why and said he wanted to stay where we are. Said he didn't want to leave.

It wasn't the reaction I was expecting and frankly very upsetting to see him so upset.

He said he didn't want to leave his house. He also mentioned preschool (which he loves) and asked if a certain teacher there who he is mad about would be in Australia. I said no she wouldn't be there but he would make new friends at Kindy in oz.

He was just weeping and very upset about the whole thing which was awful to see and not expected at all.

I told him that it was a big adventure and would be big fun and we'd get to see real koalas, kangaroos, go to the beach, make new friends at kindy, be outside a lot more. We'd have a new house to live in and all of his toys would come with us.

I was in tears myself by the end of it, and it has really shaken me.

I've felt really bad about it all day. I don't think he's had a chance to think it through yet, once he realizes we're leaving family behind too, I wonder how he will be.

I was hoping that he would be like other kids on the forums who have taken it well but he's a sensitive soul and I hadn't realized how much he had grown to like living where we live. (We've only lived here in Bedfordshire for a year and moved three times in the last two years back in the UK.)

I'm not starting to have second thoughts about the ping pong move back to oz, but it has made me think about how it will affect our son.

If anyone has any advice or has had experience of how to deal with this sort of reaction: it would be much appreciated.

thanks in advance
Lucy

Kayelem

Ahh poor little fellar. Maybe he just needs a bit of time to let it sink in. Maybe you could get others to also mention it too him and be excited for him such as his teacher. I must admit when we first got our visa grant I was soo pleased and then horror hit me a few days later when I realised the enormity of it all and I'm 35!! As we will be renting our house here its not so final for our kids as they know we can come back if all doesn't work out. Your son will be fine in time. Let his school know as he may be a little upset some days whilst the idea of moving is all new to him and school wouldn't know what the problem was at least they can be prepared. Good Luck with everything.

bluekipper

Hi, I do sympathise,,but seriously he`s 3,,i wish mine were that age again, we`re going bk and mine are 15& 20 almost,been bk 3ys... Just told them we are going back and thats it. The more you worry they will pick up on it and worry as well.

Bluekipper

emelems

Aww Lucy - try not to worry too much. He'll adapt, they are little troupers when it all gets going.

Kids are happiest when the parents are happy so I really think your decision making should be based on what is best for you as a family. That way your little boy will have optiumum happiness. You will always have doubts, that is just life.. All you can do is trust that you will do your damnest to get things right.

I probably wouldnt focus too much on the move with him, talk about it all matter of factly and don't over play it. Some kids just are a bit cannier than others. Some kids cope with change a lot better than others. I have 2.. 1 doesnt cope with change, the other is very adaptable. He was always the same, even at your son's age. The more I introduced change, and how to handle it, the more life skills he learns and copes with. Although he struggles still a little, he can cope now. It's all about learning isnt it?

If I were you, I'd still talk about it, but not in a way that makes him feel insecure. All the talk about wildlife and beaches are a brilliant way forward. But it is important that he doesnt get bogged down in the details that might worry him (like how he will miss his current teacher)... perhaps try to focus on what he will have, as opposed to what he won't? Its a tricky situation as I don't know you and him personally.

People will always say to you (especially on here) that because of his age, its all very easy. OK, it probably does get harder when they are older (usually because kids get harder to influence) but that doesn't help you does it? Its OK to worry, as parents we always do, but just keep calm and positive, and your little boy will start to mirror that behaviour.

Good luck Lucy.

Em x

lucy71

Hello

Thanks for the replies, this forum is just great for moral support in this moving to the other side of world business!

My son mentioned the move again today, asked if we would come back to the house. I explained that we would come back on holiday but stay at grandmas house. He asked when would he be able to see everyone and I said we would come back on holidays and also keep in touch over the computer by skype. He's only three and half so doesn't know what skype is but will show him soon.

He's been very quiet today and off his food, poor little mite, I am starting to wonder if we're doing the right thing to take him away from family, friends, and start all over on the other side of the world.

I just hope he gets used to the idea. Will remain positive and calm, that's all I can be but I do worry about him.

thanks everyone,
lucy

emelems

He will get used to it, it'll take time though by sounds. Some children are just a little different with their routines to others. Have you thought about having a chat with his teacher at childcare and letting her know? She may have experienced this before working with children? Teachers/carers are usually excellent in situations like this. Her having a positive spin on his move will probably reassure him also.

Some kids are worriers, sounds like your little lad is. He probably always will be if it is inside him as such as young age, but thats OK, he sounds like a lovely little lad.

Keep strong Lucy - Australia isn't the be all and the end all, but my move over here, was the best thing that I ever did for my family.

Em x

al150n

Oh bless him Lucy. I guess I'm lucky that my little man just happily muddles along through life. I'd speak to his pre-school about the move so he can get some support from there. My son was asked to bring in a holiday book about Oz for Australia day as they thought it would be nice for him to show everyone where he's going to. Didn't quite work as the book had originally been done for my daughter when she was at pre-school & he got upset as his name wasn't on any of the boarding cards I'd stuck in there (bad Mummy moment). They'd also like us to keep up contact once we leave with postcards, etc & may be you could do something similar. I'm chairman until the AGM in September even though I won't be here & I've promised I'll still do the end of year report for them so we will be keeping in contact for a little yet anyway

We've already got Skype set up as hubby wanted to get the family use to it whilst he can still sort it all out for them so the kids are already getting the hang of talking to people on it. We also use it if hubby has to stay away from home at all or I'm away with the kids at my parents & that's normally when the kids chat on it the most but it means there getting use to it already.

I know you're local to me at the moment so may be we could meet up with the kids? I could rack your brains about shippers then as well

Alison x

Family of 3

Aw, poor wee thing. And poor Mummy!

We're moving at the end of the year when my son will be turning 4.

Luckily for us we've got family there with cousins who are slightly older who he hero-worships, so it'll be "we're going on an aeroplane to see A and B".

But I'm sure the initial adjustment will be difficult, as it's bound to be stressful and kids pick up on that. My planned secret weapon is a racing car or thomas bed, which I'll get as soon as we arrive. I'm hoping the excitement of that will keep him happyish.

Where are you moving to?