A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the Broad Quay
office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close
to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls
the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts
screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful midnight blue Porsche
is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply
never be the same again!"
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head
in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are," he says.
"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice
anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobs Lee the
Porsche owner.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn
off when the truck hit you."

The Londoner looks down in horror ."******* HELL !" he
screams........ "Where's my Rolex??

LMAO

very good

keep em coming

jan xx

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
A twenty foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Did you hear that Elton John is already filing for divorce?

He just found out his partner is having sex behind his back

In the zoo, the elephants and the tortoise's share the same enclosure.

One day the Elephant keeper is sitting in the canteen, eating his lunch when a very upset tortoise keeper comes up to him.

"One of your elephants has just f***ed one of my tortoises" he says.

"Don't be stupid" says the elephant keeper - "thats impossible"

"No, no, I'm telling you it's true - come and see" says the tortoise keeper.

So, off they go to the enclosure, just in time to see a huge, 5 tonne bull elphant stroll nonchalantly across the grass until he gets to a tortoise. He slowly lifts one of his front legs, and brings it stamping down onto the tortoise, squashing him flat...

"LOOK" shouts the tortoise keeper.....

"He's just f***ed another one!!!!!!!!!"

I like it