Going Back ?
 

Hello All

Just thought I'd share my troubled thoughts with you. My wife and I moved to Fremantle in July of 2004 following a couple of years of getting the visa together. We moved back to the UK after a challenging 18 months at the end of 2005. My wife was really home sick and money was a little bit tight, although we'd bought a house and a couple of cars etc etc...

Anyway, the long of short it is that I have always wanted to go back to Oz deep down and thought that given time I could persuade my wife to go back. We have an 19 month old daughter now and our visa runs out May 2005. I've got this terrible feeling that if we don't give it another go we'll regret it for the rest of lives. Oh dilemnas !

Re: Going Back ?
 

Do you mean your visa "ran out May 2005"

Re: Going Back ?
 

How does your wife feel about going back?

Its a tricky one because it probably requires some real soul searching from both of you.

You probably need to ask why it didnt work the first time, and how you can overcome those reasons this time.

Ive struggled with this myself, In doing so I've had to face that the two primary factors that brought me back to the uk after six years in oz are never going to change;

1)family
2)sense of belonging

So for me I have to ask wether on returning to Oz knowing these factors will always exist I then have to ask wether (hand on heart) I can get past this.

The factors which exist for you and your wife may of course be different, my suspicions are they will be similar.

Re: Going Back ?
 

These were also my factors for coming back after 6 years in Oz. I am now hoping that on our return to Oz they wont effect me so much because a) i am aware of it b) i have realised the most important people in my family are my husband and kids and c) i dont feel like i belong here in the UK either!!!

Re: Going Back ?
 

Hey there, cant remember if you had made your decision or not yet?

Re: Going Back ?
 

Sorry, our visas run out May 2009.

The wife isn't really that keen to go back but she is considering it. Lot's of issues really, namely:

Will we feel like we did last time after a while, or are we older/wiser/going into it with open eyes etc etc...??

Will we sell our house over here in a timely manner ?

We will be worse off than in 2004 as house prices in Perth have risen dramatically and we would probably going over there with the smae amount in Sterling. Obviously the exchange rate is now $2/£ as opposed to $2.6 in 2004...

Can we deal with the move again emotionally ?

My wife will really miss her parents, my parents already live in Oz.....

Thanks for your thoughts...

IJ

Re: Going Back ?
 

Hiya, yes decision is made to head to Oz - the problem is just telling my parents, it will cause a lot of heartache:unsure: The thing that makes matters worse is the current housing situation, i know we have to tell them as soon as the house goes on the market, but it could take years to sell, which means years of saddness:( How about you, wot are your plans?

BB x

Re: Going Back ?
 

I guess one other thing to think about.........where is best for your child to grow up??

Your wife might not be as homesick this time around because them impression I get is that Oz is very family orientated........lots to do etc

Maybe now is the time?

Cx

Re: Going Back ?
 

I think these are the issues of lots of us ping pongers! Housing, exchange rate, upheaval again, upsetting family - AGAIN! We will definately be worse off and i hate the thought of starting all over again, you kind of get to an age where you want stability, making a dent in you mortgage, etc It terrifies me how we will end up after going back for a second time, but then again bringing up our children here and living out my days here in the UK terrifies me. I have literally spent the last 2 years wondering what to do and waking in the night worrying about it, it is only now that i have come to the conclusion to return, hopefully you and your wife will too:)

Re: Going Back ?
 

Yeah, I know that feeling well....:) Our daughter would probably be better off activity wise in Oz. But having said that we live in a nice village location, with a very good school, so I don't think she'll be too badly off here either...

I suppose it boils down to whether we can enjoy the same standard of living in Oz that we do here. We're relatively well off here, but whether or not we're going to be able to sustain that in these testing economic times remains to be seen... It just keeps comeing back to us feeling like we might be missing out, grass is greener etc.....

Oh what to do !!!! :confused:

Re: Going Back ?
 

Innyjim - sounds to me like you are trying to talk yourself out of it!! I think you've both got to REALLY want it to go back a second time - just my opinion good luck with the decision making:) (I don't envy you!)

Re: Going Back ?
 

This is so right and really is the heart of the matter.

You will have to first and foremost convince your wife:eek:

I think women generally can (ducks) be a tad more emotional than men with regard to the family issue.

Its always tough with young kids(as in toddlers) IMO, because family support is so vital with such young kids.

However with you having one set of family over there, that in itself is a very strong plus point I would think.

Could you get more time on your visa?

Could you look at it as a temporary move...ie lets go and have an adventure for two years then come back. This may take the pressure off emotionally?

Hmmm. Currently we have gone for a compromise. We are saying two years in Melbourne (work pending). In that sense we would be able to rent our place out here and go with an open mind. I feel this is a good compromise because it kind of takes the pressure of us. We will go with the flow as to what happens after two years. Although I suspect we will both be secretly hoping we stay.
Im excited about this option but we wont be going for the next 12-18mths:mad: So we can share the pain of waiting if you like :blink:

Re: Going Back ?
 

Yeah, I do eh ? There are positives as well...just can't think of any at the moment:D

Weather, erm weather, Glad Wrap, weather..... Masterfood's Hot English Mustard, Red Rooster, fishing, crabs, weather, join in when you're comfortable...

Re: Going Back ?
 

Well yes - I think the only real plus point in Oz for me was the weather. Ifound crime, drugs, yobs etc in Perth all on par with (if not worse than) where I live in the UK

I lived in Perth for 2 years - we returned to the UK in 2006 and IMO the UK is a much better place to live (weather aside but saying that it is 25 degrees and gorgeous here today). I would never return to Oz to live.

I think if your wife was not happy there (as I wasn't) would the same issues not be a problem this time round.

Re: Going Back ?
 

just about sums it up for me:p i know that sounds very shallow but its what makes me and my family happy:o it just makes life so much easier and enjoyable. Oh and another one for me would have to be lack of chavs:thumbsup:

Re: Going Back ?
 

just a point if you are going to come back, don't you have to get the baby on the visa?

Re: Going Back ?
 

Yeah we will, but doesn't really seem to be an issue. From talking to the High Commission we can either do it when we get there or before we go.....

Re: Going Back ?
 

You could probably get a new rrv couldnt you if you wanted to buy more time, especially as you have family there?

My residency expires may 09 also, but I do have an option of renewing, I think you have to satisy certain criteria also to do this.

Is it your immediate family btw?

Re: Going Back ?
 

http://www.immi.gov.au/migrants/resi...ligibility.htm

Maybe not a 5 year RRv but a 3 month one, which would get you back...its a risk though I guess that they might say no, but Id say unlikely??

Re: Going Back ?
 

We don't meet the RRV criterior unfortunately... yeah, my Mum & dad live out there as does my brother....

Re: Going Back ?
 

Hmmm. Currently we have gone for a compromise. We are saying two years in Melbourne (work pending). In that sense we would be able to rent our place out here and go with an open mind. I feel this is a good compromise because it kind of takes the pressure of us. We will go with the flow as to what happens after two years. Although I suspect we will both be secretly hoping we stay.
Im excited about this option but we wont be going for the next 12-18mths:mad: So we can share the pain of waiting if you like :blink:[/QUOTE]

That sounds like a good idea, although as we have young children i really want to make permanent plans as i dont want to keep moving them back and forth:unsure: So have you been and returned? And where from? The thought of waiting 12 -18 months would be enough to send me mad, once i get an itch i just need to scratch it:o Although at this rate i could be 12 years away:eek:

BB x

Re: Going Back ?
 

i wish i only had to wait 12/18 months, we prob wont get back for at least 2 years, but i'm working v hard on that:)

Re: Going Back ?
 

Whys that Lisaroo? I think if i had a definate leaving date i would be ok, even if is was a while off - its the not knowing that annoys me:mad:

Re: Going Back ?
 

I went out in '99 as a single gal:thumbsup: Lived in sydney for six years. Absolutely loved it!

Then I met hubby and all down hill from there:eek: Just kidding!

There was lots going on for me, but biggest trigger was having my son....with that came pull of family.....whole story there similar to yours I think.

yes we worry about back and forthe with kids, (ours are very young too). 3.5 and 5months

How old are yours?

Re: Going Back ?
 

hubby's just taken over his dad's bussiness and needs to settle before leaving again, so we're lucky we're going back at all but hubby wants to wait until near the end of our visa to basicaly make sure the boys are treating him like the boss and not one of them as they still are at mo!!!

Re: Going Back ?
 

yes we worry about back and forthe with kids, (ours are very young too). 3.5 and 5months

How old are yours?[/QUOTE]

Yep, similar story, loved oz while childless, along come the kids and the guilt factor (depriving grandparents/kids/everyone of kids) coupled with the boredom of being home and having zero social life set in :) but really its the same here as it is in Oz, when you have kids you are always limited to what you can do. Our girls are 5 and 3. The 5 year old has just finished Reception class and is soooooo excited about starting Year One in sept, apparently the new teacher is fab - mmmmmmm how to make me want to change my mind about moving AGAIN - there's that mothers guilt kicking in again:rofl:

Re: Going Back ?
 

But you will feel guilty whatever you do. If you dont you will feel you have deprived them of a better quality of life.

They're at good ages though, thats why we want to wait a bit.

Whereabouts were you in oz first time?

Re: Going Back ?
 

Perth. I know it gets slated a lot for how boring it is, but it wasnt really, we as a family always had plenty to do. Now we are just thinking, been there and done that so why not try Brisbane, although it would be easier to head back to Perth as we have a lot of good friends there, but then i'm never one for keeping life simple for myself:o

Re: Going Back ?
 

We always had plenty to do in Freo...plenty of places to eat, drink and misbehave.

Re: Going Back ?
 

Hi,
I think you have an advantage over many migrants here in that you know pretty much what it will be like. If your wife didn't like it the first time what has changed to make her like it this time. Why was it so hard last time, have those issues changed.. if not making the move is expensive as you already know and things here are pretty much on par with costs in the UK so making another aborted attempt would just end up losing you money and adding stress.


personally i can think of loads of things here that are better than the UK, space being an important one, not sitting forever in traffic, cleaner air, beautiful places to go for a day out, amazing wildlife, open and friendly people (more open than living in the city in the UK). there are some worse things but overall think it is a betetr place to raise kids IMO.

Good luck with what ever you decide

Re: Going Back ?
 

Yep, similar story, loved oz while childless, along come the kids and the guilt factor (depriving grandparents/kids/everyone of kids) coupled with the boredom of being home and having zero social life set in :) but really its the same here as it is in Oz, when you have kids you are always limited to what you can do. Our girls are 5 and 3. The 5 year old has just finished Reception class and is soooooo excited about starting Year One in sept, apparently the new teacher is fab - mmmmmmm how to make me want to change my mind about moving AGAIN - there's that mothers guilt kicking in again:rofl:[/QUOTE]

That mirrors our reasons for returning to the UK and now we are going back I have a daughter who is 3 and one on the way.

Jo

Re: Going Back ?
 

Sorry, just jumping in on this.

If you have already experienced it and you are still unsure whether to return then I would say don't do it.

I know exactly where you're coming from with the ifs and maybes but really, if it didn't work the first time when you were full of hope for the unknown, what chance this time?

Having said that...the weather may be superficial and a shallow reason for wanting to live in Australia BUT it is critical for me.

Think about the UK currently - it's been a crap summer. Another 6 weeks and that's it....grey skies and cold for at least another 8 months. Whereas in Perth in another 10 weeks it's sun for 7 months.

In spite of my terribly torn emotions about where to live, the Perth weather ultimately means that my kids are better off here than the UK. They cycle - even in winter - they swim, they play hockey, they play T-ball.

For me (and I stress for me) this is extremely important. I remember being in the UK between 04 and 05. I arrived with complete determination to be outdoors. We lasted 3 months. We got to October and became couch potatoes - with all the attendant behavioural issues beginning to creep in.
We just couldn't do it - faced with unrelenting grey skies, rain and early nights - how can you encourage your kids to be active outdoors?

Re: Going Back ?
 

Not sure how to respond to each statement sorry so have highlighted responses in red:)

Re: Going Back ?
 

Jesus, I don't know what to suggest.

You've made me feel better about not being in the UK anyhow...!


(BTW I can really relate to the family thing - when we were back there I didn't see family from one week to the next. I really thought that we'd all be doing fun things together, everyone dropping in on each other etc. Not at all - it was if we'd never left)

Re: Going Back ?
 

At least i've made someone happy:thumbsup: