Call me AL

Five Good Ways to Annoy Old People
1.Explain your computer set-up to them. Include as many acronyms as possible (CD-ROM, RAM, DVD, 3Dfx etc.). The more detail the better, because they'll get even more confused. This can also be tried with your stereo, video recorder, and television.

2.Offer them a biscuit, but then taunt them by keeping it just out of their reach. You should be able to keep in front of them easily. If you can't then you don't deserve the pleasure of watching them get out of breath.

3.Talk to them about the school / college / university you attended. They will then begin to moan about how "it's all easier nowadays". Quote as many formulas, theories, and hypotheses to them as you can remember. They will become annoyed that you do, in fact, know more than them.

4.Offer them ten dollars if they can set their video recorder to automatically tape a programme every day for a week. This will have one of two outcomes - they will fail, and be disheartened, or they will succeed, but be disappointed by how little ten pounds is worth "nowadays".

5.Wait until they're asleep in their comfy armchair, and slip a pair of headphones on them. Connect these 'phones to a loud stereo, and then use the stereo to play "Firestarter" by The Prodigy. Stand back and marvel at the ensuing commotion, as their old and uncoordinated limbs try to desperately wrench off the headphones, while Keith Flint screams wildly into their inner ear.

Grayling

At what age do you consider someone to be old?

G

Tableland

Over 50.

Grayling

Well I'm over 50 and still listen to bands way louder than the prodigy

....and I can use a video recorder

.....and I bet I am a damn sight fitter than many much younger people

G

Tableland

I'm just kidding, G. In truth, many these days people don't start acting or even looking "old" until after 70.

And who is louder than the Prodigy???

Grayling

The Who in full swing are not exactly quiet....or Iron maiden......etc.etc.

......and the bloody birds in my garden aren't shy

G

Tableland

Early Bruce Dickinson era I hope??

Grayling

He's sidelining as an airline pilot part time now

Works for a British charter airline.......just what you need on an early morning flight to Majorca

G

The Bloke

Def Leopard are touring in November BTW as well.

Wol

The only advantage of reaching your mid sixties is that you can't remember how stupid you were twenty years previously... <g>.

JackTheLad

Yeah, but by the time you're 70, you'll be whinging about how you can't set your holographic blu ray disc recorder, and can't work your nuclear powered nano tubed microwave and you'll be deaf as a post from listening to all that Iron Maiden, so you won't hear the replies.

JTL

perksy

1. Hide the corned beef
2. Poison the victoria sponge
3. Play chubby brown dvd's
4. Overtake them on the motorway. They just turn round to their passenger and say "tut tut he wont get there any quicker"
5. Sit in 'their' seat down the working mans club

JackTheLad

I started to write this, then realised this list could go on forever!

Ways to annoy young people:

Yes it is your bedtime. No argument
If you've used your mobile phone allowance tough.
We're watching Mummy and Daddy TV, no Wiggles
You can't have sweets now
You will eat your dinner, or it becomes tomorrows breakfast.
You're not getting I Wii for your birthday. I don't care if all your friends have one
Put your clothes back on, this isn't a nudist colony.
You can't have weetbix for dinner, thats what you had for breakfast
Don't eat that, its dog poo


Ahhh.. jeez the list is endless

Even looking at kids in the wrong way can annoy them.

How to annoy old people? Show no respect...

JTL