As many of you know, I have the in-laws staying!

Just lately I have been dumbfounded (for the want of a better word) by some of the quips my FIL comes out with! Check these out, all heard within the last 3 days:

1. Whilst sitting on the upstairs balcony gazing across to the Glasshouse Mountains and watching planes circling for landing at Brisbane airport, FIL quips - "Those mountains look man made you know. I'll bet they're made of all the earth they dug out from when they built Brisbane Airport"!!

2. Yesterday morning, sat reading the newspaper and up he quips, "I bet that within 10 years, Australia will be part of the EEC"! No, FIL, Australia is a different continent, you need to be European to be part of the EEC! Proceed to 5 minute argument on this subject - he refused to back down! He also stated that within 50 years the whole world except America would be part of the EEC and that we would only have ONE army, navy and air force! I tried to explain that if we were all friends then we wouldnt need ANY defence forces - again, this proceeded to argument stage where I backed down and left the room!

3. Last night watching a travel programme on the Galapogos Islands. Que large Galapagos tortoises - FIL pipes up, "Did you know, the reason they are so endangered is because the Aboriginals used to kill them and use their shells as boats"? No FIL, the Galapagos Islands are off the coast of Ecuador.....oh, never mind!

Bejeezus, I despair!!
What have I done to deserve this?

Priceless! A classic "old skool" Pom, hopelessly out of his depth!

one word.

Carolyn !!!

pmsl

Fark knows where she gets her intelligence from???

Induced by you

Fluffy,

Know exactlyu how you feel. Parents in law arrived last week (Friday), discussions so far:

1. They complained how cold it is at my parents place - my parents live on the NSW mid-north coast where it was 23 degrees yesterday.....it was SNOWING when the left London not a week ago!!!!!! 23 degrees, now thats freezing....

2. We drove them an hour to see one of the major tourist attractions near where we live (Hunter Valley Gardens in the Hunter VAaley, followed by coffee, wine tasting at some of the boutique wineries). Keep in mind I was driving, so all they had to do was enjoy the day!! Refused to go see the Gardens due to the $14 entry fee (you have just spend $6000 on a holiday for Jesus sake....what the hell is $14....about 6 quid......). Coffee, lunch...all too expensive.......wine (from some of the BEST winemakers in the world) was too expnsive (at $18-25 a bottle - what the!?!?!?!? - especially when we've just had a case of wine between us in tastings......)

3. Too hilly.....yep, too many mountains apparently....... how DARE we live where there are hills, wht one EARTH where we thinking....

4. Can't swim at beach - waves too big...water too cold ..... despite the fact that I swam with the surf club on Sunday (local surfclub member, we do 4-5 kms on the weekend - and we decided it was so nice in the water (19 degrees, no waves) that we swame AROUND THE HEADLAND from one beach to the other side).....

5. Australians should not drive 4X4's - noone needs them, they are just too large and are not needed on the roads.......I tried to explain that they drive a BMW 5 series, and some might argue that they could trade it on a daewoo and be just as happy (why on EARTH do they need such a big car .....). Argument completely lost on them that THEY drive the car they want, just cause it suits their lifestyle does not mean it suits everyone elses to have excactly the same car.....

To make it more frustrating, they then asked if they could drive my dads 4X4, because the liked them and wanted to see what it was like......

6. I drive too far too work, wouldn't have to commute that far in England.....thing is, I commute an hour, in a company car (and a luxury sedan with all the bells and whistles), with all my fuel payed for..... plus home internet, home computer and home phone all payed for by my company in case I want to stay at home a few days a week)..... HOW DARE I CHOOSE TO DRIVE TO WORK........

7. I'll be quiet noe before I explode.................

I like him he sounds great. I think he is just taking the piss out of you. The last one is the funniest. Surely he is joking.....

Ben - he is not joking!
That's what makes it so ironic!

Here are a couple from my FIL

1.Thought when we arrived, as immigrates, we stayed in camps till we found a house!

2.Thought because we live outside the city we must be in the bush and that all roads after leaving the city were dirt roads.

He has been to visit and now knows this is not so, but he still has some very odd ideas about our life here, the trouble is, bless him, he doesnt listen

Our phone rang at home and the old fella came rushing in with the remote from the TV,handed it to me and said..." phones ringing"

We'll be like that one day

I'm like it now...kids can text a 6 line message before can type thx

Oh yeah, everything slows down wonder how long it will be before things slow down to a stop in the sack

I'm only on oral sex at the moment...
I ask the wife "do you want sex?"

She says "no!"

Maybe you need to ask nicely "do you want to make Lovvvvvvvvveeeeee"