ozzieclare2b

Has anyone else felt like this about their decision to go to Oz?? My in laws are not taking the news very well and have had mentioned it since we firsttold them. Now our house has sold i think they are a bit shocked. My sil told chris that wants we get to oz we wont want to know, but she alsways been a bit self centered and reckons we are being very unfair taking the only grandchild with us.

On top of this we need to rehome our dog soon as hes not coming with us and we need to find a rental soon which will be harder with a dog. Ifeel like shit today, i just want people to be happy for us. My family will miss me but they are being very supportive of our decision wheras the inlaws appear very upset and almost like they dont want to believe us.

My sil has also voiced her opinions about it to aquaintences we know!! I woulnt mind but never once has she offered to spend time with her nephew or rang to see how he is!!

has anyone else had to face this?? x clare

iPom

Offer to leave the only grandchild behind with your SIL. I'm sure she'll be thrilled by such a generous offer.

Don't worry... this happens all the time.

My mother says it's like I don't exist any more... like I'm not real because I live in a different country.
So, yeah, that's nice.

sssstew

i crickey.. the old making you feel guilty about doing something you want to do and will really help your family... yeah know what you mean! nightmare.

be strong clare, always beleive what your doing is right, and best for your family not just you, your not being selfish.

ozzieclare2b

thankyou for your replies. Crikey if they are like this now whats it going to be like when we get the visa. I know it cant be easy for them but wish they would just feel happy for us. It is our life, its almost as if sil expects us to go oh ok then we wont go, we will miss the opportunity of a lifetime for you!!

anyway just wondered how others handled it. I dont want to fall out with her as chris only has one sibling but there really is not need to rub it in is there??

marvinc

It's very bad time of year historically to rehome a dog, thus said the last two years it's been getting worse all the time with very few good homes to take an ever increasing amount in need of homes.

If you have an actual breed of dog (as opposed to mongrel or crossbreed) then would suggest you contact your local breed rescue for the breed you have, the Kennel Club will be able to give you details, (or pm me and I'll let you know) they will probably work on a home to home basis which means that you keep the dog until a home is found, easier and much less stressful for your dog that way.

stuckinblighty

families are dead good

ozzieclare2b

Many thanks. I have just spoken to a lovely lady from westie rescue so hopefully they can help is as i dont want him to go to a dogs home as such. Will need to get him neutered first. I cant face doing it really but the longer we put it foff the harder it will be , thanks x

ozzieclare2b

dont i know it!!

mindblower

[ [/QUOTE]

Awful and upsetting advising beloved grandparents and best friends.

Still, the greater good for our son tho beckons.

Dave

hitchcock71

claire

know how you feel

sil refuses to talk to us about oz we taking the kids away etc selfish etc
will we back at xmas eh? no as we are going hopefully november again selfish!

mil was ok however is now being funny wont be coming out every yr etc

wont you be lonely ?????? etc you have no friends etc will be very hard etc with the children etc

fil thinks we wont have enough money to live on money not everything!!

oh grandfather who 85 is the only one who has really said go for it dont look back enjoy it etc and is really happy for us

families!!!!!! love em!!!

AndyR1976

I have posted my comments on some similar threads a few weeks back

goes along these lines....

I am an Australian that moved to Uk 3 years ago - when I decided to leave Australia my parents were great (I was 27 and lived away from home for 10 years). Parents helped me move, took in all the stuff I didn't want to store (plus they liked my 50inch tv), mum looks after all my paperwork and calls me once a month, she emails all the family photo's etc. They have visited once, I have been home twice - so see them a lot and its never any problem.

I am now moving back to Australia and taking my (english) girlfriend with me - she was the reason I moved here to start with!! Her parents have been really difficult about it. Her mum commented all the time about how we won't be here for christmas, birthdays - who will she have coffeee with? Who's gonna be here when such-and-such happens? (so on and so forth). My girlfriend is getting quite sick of it all! Its only 16 days till we fly out and its at the stage where my girlfriend just doesn't even want to see her mum or sisters because she just feels sad and depressed when they keep commenting.

She is really happy (although nervous) about our move back to Australia and really looking forward to it - for us it is a pretty easy move, I have friends, family, job, company car etc etc so its just like going home - she knows some of my friends and is familiar with where we will be living and so on! But the hardest thing for her has been dealing with her family!

When she only have limited time left in the UK you would think that her parents woudl want to spend time with her, be nice to her and be supportive - but she now spends her time avoiding them because this is the one thing that makes her sad!! She said to me yesterday that she wishes we were going a week earlier so that we could avoid all this crap!! And she has also commented that when there she will probably not even want to talk to her mum and dad because they will just make her feel guilty all the time!!!

I think that these people (and perhaps your famliy as well) are very selfish - all they are worried about is how THEIR christmas' dinner will be different and how THEY might need something from you!

Can't they just be happy for you!?!? after all, this is (as exciting as it is) a time when you need some help and reassurance.......

I just want to scream and my girlfriend mum and tell her to stop being a selfish cow and to offer her daughter some support - instead of carrying on about how we won't be here for christmas!!!

Makes me wanna pack up and move to another country......oh, wait.....thats what started all this in the first place....

JoolsB

Is no-one's family EVER pleased for them! I can imagine siblings being peeed off at the possibility of being the only one left to care for aging parents and parents in turn feeling they've lost their hold over you.

Parents tend to see us as eternal kids and it can come as a shock when they realise you dont need them as much as you did when you were ten (i.e. you can make a new life for yourself 1200 miles away)

Guilt (I have done alot of reading on this as I am always being made to feel guilty over something!) is a device people use against you when they feel they have lost control over a situation or person. It isn't a real emotion just a reaction to someone elses's-dont fall for it!

Telling them you love them & want them be happy for you is all you can do. I hope things get better soon!

AndyR1976

I seem to think that this is only really ever an issue for english people.I find that this is not so much of an issue for us Australians!

I have posted this on another forum page previusly, but here is my theory as to why Australian families tend not to have the guilt thing.....

And here is my theory:

Australia is a big place - larger than western Europe. So when we 'leave home' at the age of 18 (or thereabouts) we really do 'leave home'. Its not like the UK where people leave home to go to university and then the university is only 2 or 3 hours away! Its not really leaving home to me - I have driven further than that to go to a good restaurant!!

In my situation, the NEAREST university to where my parents live was more than 3 hours away. My brother moved to another univeristy in another direction, he was 9 hours drive from my mum and dad and more than 12 hours from me. When you are talking about those sort of distances you don't just pop home for the weekend - so I guess over the years Australian families get used to not seeing each other from one year to the next.

My family is a classic example. I am one of 5 kids (I am 30 and the second youngest). There have only been 3 occassions in the last 15 years where all 5 of us siblings have been together in the same place at the same time - once was my 21st birthday, once was my brothers wedding and the last was a Chrismtas where mum arranged for us all to be in one place.

Also, I have seen my parents for MORE days in the last 3 years (whlst I have been living in the UK) than in the prior 5 years (whilst I was living in Australia - just up the road, theoretically).

So I guess for me (and perhaps a lot of Australians) we are used to being a long way from family and seeing them sporadically etc etc. So it doesn't bother us!!

Also, and no offence to everyone on here...english people get so uptight about everything! EVERYTHING is an issue! I actually laughed out loud when an irate passenger missed the tube one day - he was standing next to me swearing and carrying on, and I'm like 'hey mate, you do know there is another on in 2 minutes?'. Where I came from if you miss the train the next one is not till next week!! literally! Now...I'm going to shy away from this topic - but I'll maintain to my death that its true!

ozzieclare2b

Dont worry you havent offended me about the english thing, i agree. My parents are irish and have been really good about it all. I know my mum will miss us and i am quite close to her but she has said you have to think of your child now and do what is best for you. I think she understands as she left all her siblings and parents in the late 1950s to move to England with my dad. Ok Dublin isnt as far as oz but i think she knows how i feel as she has made the move herslef.

The inlaws on other hand have never even flown or set foot in an airport so thats a different story. Anyway they will just have to come to terms with it as we are not letting this slip by just because they are not happy. x clare

Sheff_Sparky

Both ours asked why we didn't do this sooner!!
My MUM says she is going out there with us once we are able to sponsor her!
We have only just started the application for god's sake!