Should it be discrete or done overtly with aplomb?

Should you cover yourself with a piece of muslin in an attempt to remain unnoticed, or stand up and smile?

Does it matter if there are diners present? “Hey – I have every right to fart in public, and don’t you dare hold your breath, take a good sniff damn you”.

Medical studies have shown the gut dropping is the most healthy thing for a body, and it can’t be timed either side of a meal – especially if it’s in a nice restaurant.

Don’t worry about offending other guests in the cinema or theatre, just drop a noisy one in the quiet parts.

If it’s a noisy bar or disco, go for the deadly silent variety, just so everyone knows you can fart with the best of them.

Don’t go for this expressed farting, getting a seal on the bottle is hard, and you can’t guarantee sterilisation.

On an aircraft where no one can escape? Go for it and give the captive audience a lesson on tolerance. If they can tolerate it, you can put up with the gagging sounds.

At the bus stop and a few minutes to spare? Clear the street with a tsunami causing monster.

Got friends over for a quiet dinner party? Liven it up with a massive blast. Try lighting one from the candelabra.

Farting. You know it makes sense.

(A tribute the breast feeding thread)

I fart all the time when I'm down the gym. I'm not that bothered about who hears/smells it. At work I wait for my boss to go out for a fag, then I let rip.

I tend to save mine up for enclosed confined spaces/offices. Then I drop my guts quietly just before I am about to leave.

If I was to psycho-analyse why I do this I would put this down to being made to watch Schindler's List at too early an age

I bet you used to whack off to the shower scene.

I don’t think you chaps are taking this seriously.

Stand up for your rights, stop being oppressed fluffers and celebrate the man salute.

Learn the fun of “Crop dusting”, and the “backdoor breeze”.

Don’t mock the ancient ritual.

Get out in the Ritz and drop a big fat smelly one, then shout “that ones mine”.

The only tolerance you need is your own nose.

So men can hold farts in then.

Better out than in though.

No problems with others doing it as long as it doesn't affect me.

We had house guests over the weekend, Himself refrained from farting the entire time (his choice, it doesn't bother me, I'm used to it in a house of 4 males and 2 dogs)

On the way back from dropping guests off at train station he almost gassed the pair of us. Two days worth of fully fermented farts is not a pleasant smell.

Mr PP did one in bed last night, and it actually woke me up - it smelt like when you lift the lid off a penicillin bottle - you know that vile smell from certain antibiotics. Honestly, I was woken up to that smell.

He blamed it on the bio yoghurt we had last night, I have never smelt anything like it, until I farted a bit later and did one of the same.

Sometimes when you hold your farts in you get stomach ache so the only answer is to let rip. Sometimes when you let rip, you can follow through and there has been a couple of threads on that in the Lounge, do a search for 'the tanning salon' incident by Leslie and 'The Perfect Dump'.

Farting is the 'starter' and shitting is the main course of the 'menu of bowels'

They were naked! Come on! Give me a break

Mine actually don't tend to be that smelly, they are mostly just very loud. When I am in the confines of my own home and I can really relax and let rip they are deafening (hmmm I wonder if there is a world record for the loudest fart?).

When I used flat share in London I once woke up a female flat mate of mine in another room by the noise

I wouldn't do it, but hey ho, whatever floats your boat. Mick Malloy is the expert in Dutch Oven's and I love him dearly.

Nothing is as bad as some of the queenslanders that refuse to wear deodorant.

My favourite is the lift SBD and then get out quick.

At issue chaps, is not the home cooked "wind charm", but a "big bad blusterer" in the local Sizzlers.

Waking the flatmate is admittedly cool, but rattling the tiles of the Opera House during La Bohem is the statement you need to make.