eddie007

I've had to get over the fact that me best mate doesnt live 2 minutes walk up the road anymore... I'm not going to bump into some one I went to school with at the shopping centre, my Aunt and cousins are not going to be popping round for a sunday afternoon tea party.

Developing an active social life requires effort... And the juggling skills of the cirque de soliel... (sic) and a bit of travel...

Its harder when you work shifts and harder still when you've spent 11 months on call 24/7.... And cant commit to anything unless you actively get your boss to cover for you....

But if you're not getting out much and missing yer mates and family you need to get out there..... Not pop nextdoor for a coffee, Like in the uk...

How did you make friends when you came out? Have you made friends? Do you find you have to literally and figuratively "Go the extra mile"?

Dorothy

When we lived in Adelaide I met a lovely lady through my daughter. She was the mum of my daughter's school mate and she completely took us under her wing. I also put myself out by volunteering to meet up with newcomers and showing them around the city - not that I knew much about the place, but they didn't know that I said yes to every invitation whether I wanted to go or not. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't. But...I got to meet one of my favourite friends by offering to meet her for coffee when she first arrived in Australia. We still laugh about it now 5 years on how neither of wanted to go but felt like we should. I also was priviledged to have coffee with the lovely Wendy on a regular basis.

Since moving to Perth I went to a bunch of "ladies who lunch" type things and met some great people there, including Northernbird. I went to a meet in King's Park where I met one of my other favourite friends and then started arranging meets myself where I met loads of people. Again, sometimes it worked out and other times it didn't.

We made a point of getting to know our neighbours and even though one of them has now moved we've stayed close friends. And work has been a great source of friendships. Two women I work with have become good friends and I hang out occasionally with another 4 or 5.

Oh, and I joined a book group which has now become a bookless group where we just sit around and drink wine and chat about life.

Bix

Nope.

There was an expat enclave one side of town but we purposely avoided that and lived the other side of town in expat free zones but it hasn't worked out.

Tried very hard to break the ice especially with neighbours but to no avail. They clearly did not and don't want to know.

I find the Australian friendship thing quite superficial. I don't mean that in a derogatory way, just factual. I don't worry about it and no longer try. If anything happens it will come about naturally.

The best friends I have made are consequently expats from around Australia. Don't see them a lot but appreciate every minute.

Dorothy

You're right Bix. Real friendships will come about naturally. People assume that just because you come from the same country you should automatically be best buds with all British immigrants. I've found my closest friends here are a mix of Australian, English and Kiwis.

gobbyjock

I`ve made some great friends here but I remember all too well that feeling of not belonging when we first arrived - funnily enough I never had that feeling whenever I moved around in the UK. Getting a dog was a great way to start conversations with people and BE too has been good for that. It wasn`t until I started work that I finally settled and widen my social group - can still remember how chuffed I was when I bumped into someone I "knew" in the shopping centre - stupid I know but a big step in feeling settled.

Pennines49

My best mate is irreplaceable.

Cheetah7

Aside from the friends I have from BE, when I started my first Aussie job I made some bloody good friends that are like my family, mainly Aussies and a few POMS.

These people were worth their weight in gold when Mr PP had his accident and are now coming up trumps yet again for me during a difficult time. Although we have all left the company and moved on, we are still in touch and still catch up, we invite them round to our house and vice versa.

I cannot imagine not seeing these people, and was so happy when they all came to my house to see Dad at his BBQ.

Honestly, at my old company we had something special that I dont think can be replicated.

As for neighbours, we dont live in the smartest of suburbs, but there is a community feel to it and up our end, we all know each other and look out for one another

Personally I have not found Aussies to be superficial - I seem to be have more of a social life here than in the UK.

But as far as friends go - BE friends, Aussie friends - whatever, havent had a problem. But I will say that during difficult times, I have longed to have my two mates that I have grown up with, around me.

eddie007

Getting a dog, two in fact, helped us get started talking to the neighbours... I know so many people to stop and chat to who also have dogs, tho they tend to be known as Tilley's owners or Max's owner...

I have australian friends who were extremely reticent about POMs having been burned by expats ... They invested time, effort and energy into a friendship that went very sour and its taken them a while to get over it...

But that can't be the experience of all aussies... I suppose they have their family and life long friends living nearby and so why bother too much with a new community member who may be transient in their lives.... We had the same thing living in small sleepy suffolk villages.... One we NEVER got accepted into because we lived in council housing in a very celubrious (sic) and prestigious village... Had less issues with Boxford... Another small sleepy village because my great great grandfather had farmed there 150 years ago... Made me a "local" even tho I hadnt visited it before we moved there... Ancestors in the local in the graveyard helps....

Pollyana

I've got a couple of good Aussie mates now that I've known through work for a few years and gradually we've developed a friendship. Still a different sort of friendship though as we don't have a shared history beyond 7 years ago. Got a lot closer to one lately as her daughter is now in Russia and she says she is starting to understand the whole "expats thing" - needing to have links with home, living with time zones in mind, memorising flight timetables etc.
Most of my friends back home have drifted away into their own lives, still in touch but they have moved on more than me I feel in most cases.
However, Australia has given me the best friend anyone could wish for - the shame is he has now gone home and I'm back to the issue of cross-world friendships. We met because we were going through similar experiences here, but we had enough shared links to places and memories of events back home for the friendship to have a strong base straight off.
I've now got a fair few UK/Irish/whatever friends spread around Aus, and I treasure all of them/you, but as someone said above, my best friend is irreplaceable, for many life-changing reasons.

al150n

Prior to moving I spotted someone on FB who my ex use to work with & I'd known about 15-16 or so years ago. I messaged him & they happened to live 5 minutes away from where we moved to. Although there are a few years missing in between it was lovely to arrive here to familiar faces & people who I have a bit of history with. Her friendship has been invaluable as she knows exactly what I'm going through when the homesickness kicks in & my kids love being around their kids as their older 2 are the same age as my older ones still in the UK.

I have another friend who I got to know 6 years ago through a baby forum in the UK (met her once briefly 4 years ago) who now lives about 15 minutes away & again it feels like we have some history between us. And hubby's best mate who he's know since they were 16 lives literally in the next road so he's happy.

I've made a huge effort to get involved at our school & have made some lovely friends there & hubby is happy to take up most invitations we get even if it's my friends which he never did in the UK. He's also made some great friends through work who we see regularly as well.

I do miss my best mate being just around the corner but we still ring each other & catch up where we left off, although it's not the same as having a coffee together whilst we moan, gossip & laugh about everything.

Alison x

Dreamy

I may have mentioned once or twice that I'm an antisocial hermit so making friends isn't really on the top of my agenda.

I do have some friends and there are some people I chat to online and would love to meet up with. When we were in Queensland, I was very friendly with the wife of a man Himself worked with, I miss her and our LadieswotLunch sessions - it was nice to meet up as families too.

We've also got friends in Canberra who we've known for absolutely years and years thanks to the best MMORPG that ever existed, and we go see them 3 or 4 times a year. (We also have a skype conversation with them and some other former players that's been going on for the 4 years we've been in Australia. Actually, it might be older than that!)

I'm very shy so if I was the sort of person who relied on a social network and it was up to me to get out there and make friends, I'd be buggered.

BadgeIsBack

Whether or not you make an effort or not is down to the individual.

Obviously a degree of networking needs to happen even if that is work-based or where you live.

I tend to avoid real-life Expat life as I find my migration experience is not relevant to anyone - different time, different life and I'm a subscriber to the view that sharing a nationality is meaningless. In fact, I often have more in common with Australians with a similar background than a British person who does not. I think you need to take into account shared experiences, personality, interests etc.

Best way is probably via interests and work.

Dorothy

I'd be your friend Dreamy.

Bix

I'd be her stalker. :eyebrows:

Dreamy

I'd let you, but only if you regularly provided me with oodles of scrumptious food

You already are, you bugger!




(I love these new smileys)