Was sitting here and got to wondering a few things... like, what is your most valuable belonging, where do you keep it, where do you live and what time do you go to work? Do you leave out a key? Your friend, Brissy.

My guitars, in the bedroom next to the guns, in a redneck wonderland, what is this 'work' of which you speak?, key not required as dog is a natural burglar alarm/neutraliser.

I'm guessing I might not be believed if I described myself as a cadet insurance assessor. Do you have any cash on the premises? Are the guns loaded and does the dog bite? Locks on the windows... you know, typical insurance type questions. Did I ask about cash?

Cash?!

I have an Entertainment Book.

This is hopeless. I'm just not cut out to be a criminal.

You'd think living in a convict colony would help but it doesn't.

From here on in you are 'ChopperBee' to me

I've got millions stashed under the mattresses, I've got brand new laptops in every room, with 50" plasmas on all the walls. However I have five chickens who will come and chat and peck your toes when you arrive so good luck there. I'll leave the keys under the stone that looks like a stone but it's in a place next to the door where there are absolutely no other stones. Enjoy.

That good ones!

Have you seen the recent credit card scam. It says, on screen, type your credit card details in here to see if the card number has been stolen. And people actually do it!

Sorry but if you're that stupid, don't you deserve everything you get?

True but what a clever idea!

Indeed.

You pinched it off one of last weeks spammers before you banned him, didn't ya?

Damn! Caught again!

Gold Sovereigns, and buried under that patch of garden that needs clearing and digging.