Pollyana

So my sister's first "chick" has flown the nest, and is safely settled at university, armed with enough food to feed the entire Hall of Residence, a stack of towels that fills the bathroom, spare mugs to use when he entices people home for coffee, and a wallet freshly filled by his aunty (sucker ).

Very odd here now, keep expecting him to slide down the stairs any minute to pinch my cider. My sister is fretting about whether he'll remember which bag she put what in and wondering how long it'll take before she stops laying a place at the table for him, and its too quiet cos there is no squabbling going on over whether we should be watching the football or Dr Who!
Nephew meanwhile has texted to say he is quite happy, went for two pints, now back in his room putting his cds in alphabetical order

Still got two girls here and the youngest is only 11 so the nest won't be completely empty for ages, but how long does it take to adjust to the gap in the household?!! Anyone got sage words of advice or experiences to share?

Streaks

No words of wisdom from me I'm afraid - my family thinks I'm nuts. My eldest 'flew' nearly a year ago and I still get really excited when I know he's dropping by. I still make excuses to ring or text him when I just wanna have some sort of communication - and I see him a couple of times a week!!

ozzieeagle

We've had a house with kids in it for over 28 years now. I'm kind of looking forwards to the youngest 13 year old to grow up and fly the coop. However having said that 3rd oldest daughter the 17yo took of for Thailand last Thursday to help build Kitchen and Toilets for a community in Northern Thailand. Her absence has totally changed the dynamics of our household. She has so much presence, that it's like our house is empty now. It's not quite the rosy free feeling I was looking forwards to after all. Bit of a shock to the system actually.

When the older Two left, the house became more relaxed because there wasn't so much time sensitive competition for things like Bathrooms/Toilets or disputes over TV and Music.. or being up late and disturbing others... or Food choices etc, so it was a big improvement and more relaxed homelife for us at that point...

We've got it in our minds that when the youngest does leave, we will totally sell the house, bank the money and do a round Aussie trip for 12 months maybe 36 months and decide where we are going to settle on our return if indeed we do come back to Melbourne.. So we are quite looking forwards to that.

However the effect on the household atmosphere of our 3rd Oldest going away for 10 days may well point to the Travelling idea not happening after all. Blimey we may even want to stay near the kids !!! That is something I'd not considered until this weekend.

So advice none... feelings and effects plenty, as per above.


BTW Can't believe how comparatively self engrossed and quiet our 13 YO boy is... When he isn't after something or mucking around. He does make up for his quietness with bursts of positive and negative extreme energy.

So I've a question Are all boys like this... We've only experienced one male teenager thus far and he is very insular compared to his 3 older Sisters. A hell of a lot less time and mind energy consuming that's for sure. The Girls would argue the toss for hours over the most simple thing... With Ethan any decision is nearly always over with a "yes' or "no... not all mind you, just mostly.



.

eddie007

Kevin is demi gone.... Spends most of her time at THE1s house.... It REALLY upsets the balance when she is back.... They probably wont leave either ours of his "properly until he joins the defence forces,

Dont ever want Gorgeous to go.... But as the younger ones are 14,13 & 11 its going to be a while before there are any more changes to the dynamaics... Gorgeous has a huge social life and social network so mainly at weekends he either isnt here or he is here + a couple of others... Which is nice

there is no strain on the bathroom situation as none of the little buggers is overly keen on mirrors and preening and that kind of thing...

We've been told that Mumbles will never be capeable of living independently... Because of his intellectual disability, so we probably wont ever have that empty nest feeeling.... Unless he finds supervised shared community accommodation....

Streaks

So I've a question Are all boys like this... We've only experienced one male teenager thus far and he is very insular compared to his 3 older Sisters. A hell of a lot less time and mind energy consuming that's for sure. The Girls would argue the toss for hours over the most simple thing... With Ethan any decision is nearly always over with a "yes' or "no... not all mind you, just mostly.



I have 3 boys (15, 22, 24) and they are all totally different

NickyC

Both my sons have left home in the last six months. The eldest (24) left in April to share a house, the other one went a couple of months later. Probably after he'd seen the fun the eldest was having.

I was OK with the first one as it was a bit of a novelty and a bit overdue, but I was devastated after the younger one went. Not that he was too young or anything (he was 22) and quite capable of looking after himself. I just feel really sad that the family life we had has gone for ever and life will never be the same again.

The whole emotional thing really surprised me - had no idea I would feel like this..

There are some advantages - seriously reduced supermarket, electricity and internet bills mainly. Plus not having to cook mammoth meals most nights is a plus.

moneypenny20

We drag them up as well as we can in order for them to go out into the big wide world without us. I don't want mine to go and I'm dreading the day it happens.

al150n

I haven't lived with my older 3 for about 9 years now but I did find when one of them came to stay the house felt really empty once they'd gone home again even though I'd still got the 2 little ones.

My eldest would come over because we had a shift at work together & he wanted a lift in. He'd stay the night & would still be with us 3 or 4 days later

Wish they were still close enough to just drop in or for me to pick them up on route shopping, etc

Alison x

soapy©

time to adjust????

as the door closed we did a merry dance!!!

life in this house is very easy now

Pollyana

Has the third one gone again then?

jad n rich

University? Coffee?. thought over there all the kids did was riot

Sage advice, umm.

I must be like OE, loads of kids and one is still only 14 despite the eldest having a few flown years ago now.

Youngest is uni material, so already know the last one will be gone in 2 years. I find it quite scary one minute and quite exciting the next. Its a hard time for women, I think it reminds you too much how the years are slipping past

I reckon my partner and I will split. He could easily become the aussie old fart in a hibuscus village with a rain gauge. His parents were/are very like that, we joke about it, but really.

My family still do things like backpack the world at 74, go in dance contests at 82, I am serious here, people who need huge mental stimulation.

Pollyana

He did Philosophy at A Level, has done much pontificating on why he thinks the riots happened!
My sister seems to be viewing it much as you said - scary one minute, exciting the next....... he's definitely leaving a big gap in the household routine as he's been a chorister for the last 10 years, which involved at least 4 round trips to church a week, 20 minutes each way - they reckon 22,000 miles just for weekly practices and services never mind the extras of Christmas etc.

carolinephillips

Mine is nearly 16, and we have already gone to one Uni open day. When she goes off to swimming camp the house seems very empty, and I go into her bedroom.......and tidy it so I can see the floor!

jad n rich

Teen boy number 3 now, I should get the T shirt

I found only one of them had any real mood swings/teen emotions before 13. Happy chappys till then. The one who did just had a couple of vocal angry moments.

The youngest is very insular as in keeping himself to himself. Loves the computer a bit too much. He is 15 in a few months, 99% calm, but outspoken - doesn't tolerate fools that one!! Anger is more vocal if expressed, and thats only been the last few months.

That anger to me is the classic boy symptom, ( my friends girls ) seem terribly dramatic over such small things, cruel, bitchy and very very nasty at times to the parents and each other. The boys, none of that but when they get angry you know about it Our walls have suffered, they seem to let it out by a swift punch to the wall, shocking at first, now after 3 I just chuck a box of spac (polyfilla) at them "when youve finished dear'. You toughen up by teen 3 dont you

Middle one seems a bit lost, that worries me more, he has dyslexia, there was little support at school, so the job market worries me a lot. Having said that hes working part time while at school his staff reviews are brilliant. But he doesnt know what he wants to do after school, hence my lost comment. Any angry outbursts from him have always come after the lack of support at school.

Eldest. He was calm right up to 17, great teen years. Then wasnt happy in his apprenticeship and did we know about it. Electrician, often asked to do dangerous stuff to get the job done quicker- he never told us this till later on, but so angry at times. Hes a free spirit, now a manager of a Casino - happy as.

I also find boys can be quite irrational, and can be selfish. Think thats boys and girls, just the teen ME ME thing. Also at times the 'laid back thing' do it later, but maybe thats more the culture they have picked up.

Ohh and did I mention the mess. They wander round using stuff and never put it back, one doesnt even shut the cupboard doors, you know where hes been by the trail of open doors and dropped Bonds everywhere.

Probably on the scale of teen behaviour, pretty good kids, apart from the odd bit of hormonal anger.

Definitely the most challenging phase of raising kids. Its a hard time for them, the uncertainty of going from child to adult.

eddie007

Boys Good... Girls... Ummm... Not bad, just more difficult... More hormonal.. And when you get a girl like kevin who is JUST like her mother sparks can really fly....

The hoppalong kid is more "moody"... Less aggro but can sulk for DAYS without us knowing why... At least she keeps to herself when she does that...
It can turn out to be some one ate her chocolate, or the radio station in her room has magically changed... Usually its some thing that is NOT FAIR!!!!!