Biggys Birthday Gags
Jan 5th 2006, 12:17 pm
#1
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Biggys Birthday Gags
Come on, a list of your fav Scottish jokes to lift the Biggy's Hooose.
Did ye hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February the 29th so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years?
Next joke please
Did ye hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February the 29th so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years?
Next joke please
Jan 5th 2006, 12:19 pm
#2
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Come in you must have some cheery ones
McManus donates a lot of money to charity but likes to remain anonymous. He even forgets to sign his name on the cheques.
McManus donates a lot of money to charity but likes to remain anonymous. He even forgets to sign his name on the cheques.
Jan 5th 2006, 12:22 pm
#4
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Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by soapy
Ouch, off the curtains . . . . 
Jan 5th 2006, 12:23 pm
#5
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Posts: 22,198
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by merlotsmum
Ouch, off the curtains . . . .
Jan 5th 2006, 12:23 pm
#6
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Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by soapy
the auld wans urr the best
Jan 5th 2006, 12:25 pm
#7
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Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by merlotsmum
I'll get onto them after me trip to Tesco's!
Jan 5th 2006, 12:27 pm
#8
The Godfather
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: South East Suburbs of Melbourne
Posts: 7,336
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Old Sandy was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked:
‘Anything I can get you, Sandy?’
No reply.
‘Have ye no’ a last wish, Sandy?’ Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of yon boiled ham.’
‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘ye ken fine that’s for the funeral.’
The Kirkcaldy undertaker sent a telegram to the bereaved man, telling him his mother-in-law had died and asking whether he wanted her embalmed, cremated, or buried. Back came the reply: ‘All three — tak’ nae chances.’
How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Take up a collection.
‘Anything I can get you, Sandy?’
No reply.
‘Have ye no’ a last wish, Sandy?’ Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of yon boiled ham.’
‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘ye ken fine that’s for the funeral.’
The Kirkcaldy undertaker sent a telegram to the bereaved man, telling him his mother-in-law had died and asking whether he wanted her embalmed, cremated, or buried. Back came the reply: ‘All three — tak’ nae chances.’
How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Take up a collection.
Jan 5th 2006, 12:28 pm
#9
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by Bordy
Old Sandy was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked:
‘Anything I can get you, Sandy?’
No reply.
‘Have ye no’ a last wish, Sandy?’ Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of yon boiled ham.’
‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘ye ken fine that’s for the funeral.’
The Kirkcaldy undertaker sent a telegram to the bereaved man, telling him his mother-in-law had died and asking whether he wanted her embalmed, cremated, or buried. Back came the reply: ‘All three — tak’ nae chances.’
How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Take up a collection.
‘Anything I can get you, Sandy?’
No reply.
‘Have ye no’ a last wish, Sandy?’ Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of yon boiled ham.’
‘Wheesht, man,’ said Maggie, ‘ye ken fine that’s for the funeral.’
The Kirkcaldy undertaker sent a telegram to the bereaved man, telling him his mother-in-law had died and asking whether he wanted her embalmed, cremated, or buried. Back came the reply: ‘All three — tak’ nae chances.’
How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Take up a collection.
Jan 5th 2006, 12:29 pm
#10
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by soapy
get me a pint of milk while yir oot
Jan 5th 2006, 12:30 pm
#11
The Godfather
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: South East Suburbs of Melbourne
Posts: 7,336
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Just to even it up, One that Biggy will like.
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad
Jan 5th 2006, 12:31 pm
#12
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by merlotsmum
Full fat, semi or dish water skimmed
Jan 5th 2006, 12:32 pm
#13
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by Bordy
Just to even it up, One that Biggy will like.
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad
Jan 5th 2006, 12:32 pm
#14
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 715
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by soapy
make yir mind up
Jan 5th 2006, 12:34 pm
#15
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Posts: 22,198
Re: Biggys Birthday Gags
Originally Posted by merlotsmum
Goats milk then