Originally Posted by scott&rachel

i won't then

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

aaaghhhh ok , don't twist my arm



A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive,
expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife
how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does
look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband
looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what
it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight,
she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with
a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.
You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that
exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing.
You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size
was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was
wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded
him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said
it made no difference as long as he looked nice.

"So I just switched the heads."

Originally Posted by freespirit

Wish you hadnt

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

aaahhh yer too kind

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

so's this

Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it Daddy.”

“And what happened honey?” he asked.

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,

“Swimming pool? …. Is this 423 4567?”

Originally Posted by asher

cheat thats on another thread, you scraping the bottom of the barrel now?

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

is it ? i got it on email

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

is it ? i got it on email

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

well , i'll leave you with this one then

An Atheist was walking through the jungle admiring all that nature had created

“Look at all the wonder that evolution has created. The powerful trees winding up to the sun, the beautiful animals that have evolved over millions of years…Oh look a majestic river cut from a tiny trickle many millions of years ago.” He thought to himself.

As he sat on the river bed basking in the joyousness that science had created, a large crocodile sprung from the water and started chasing the man up the river bank!

The man began to scramble for his life but the crocodile was looming down on him very quickly.

“ Oh god save me!!” the man screamed as the crocodile opened its enormous jaws.

Suddenly time stopped still, and everything around the man stopped moving. Stunned, the man looked around as a brilliant light shone from above him and said “ You deny my existence, but in the face of certain death you cry out my name and expect me to save you? Am I to now count you as a believer?”

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked into the light and said “ It would be very hypocritical of me to begin believing in you now, couldn't you please just make this crocodile a Christian at least?”

With a flash time started again. The crocodile stopped, knelt down, brought both front legs together, bowed his head and said, “Oh heavenly father, thank you for this meal I am about to receive……”

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

hell yer right , i just see it !!

Originally Posted by asher

that b****r sent it to both of you, you must have mutual friend

Originally Posted by scott&rachel

dunno , i got it this morning . i not read anymore threads today infact then when you said , i looked at the barbie & see it there lol .

well there you go