I would like to go back for the funeral of my nan who died at the weekend. I know my dad needs me now and I need to be surrounded by my huge and supportive family.

However, I realise the expense to my family if I do. I can only take about a week off work. My husband has been supportive and thinks that I should return.

Do I go back or say my goodbyes from here? My heart is telling me one thing and my head another

Sorry to hear of your loss It is so hard when this happens and you are so far away. I would definitely go back even if it is just for a week or so. My gran died afew years back, on Christmas Day, & I am SO glad I went back & I know I would've regretted it if I hadn't. Also it will mean alot to you & your family to be there to support eachother at this sad time.
All the best.

I am sorry to hear of your loss - my gran died earlier this year. I didn't return for the funeral. I did contemplate this - but as I had a UK trip planned for August - I just could not justify the further expense. I agree your head and your heart pull in two different directions.

My gran said that she wouldn't want me rushing back for her funeral - so I guess I followed her wishes. However, ideally it would have been a benefit to my family to support them.

If my mum or sister or God forbid ( my children) died - then it would be a different kettle of fish.

I think you should go back for your dad.

Its only money. Some things are more important

I agree with this. You could have $5,000, $10,000 or $20,000 in the bank and blow it all, but you can always save it back one day. You only get one chance to say goodbye to family at their funeral.

But at the end of the day it is what works best for you and your family.

Only you can work this one out. Your husband says go, you can get time off work, I guess you can afford it, then you go. It's not for anyone other than you and your dad and that's all that counts. You'll never regret going but you may well regret not going.

You should go, for your dad, not your nan.

The fact you are even asking the question tells you the answer my lovely. Get the flight booked and go and support your family, you will always have it in your mind if you don't

I am so sorry for your loss, and being on the other side of the world is never easy and straightforward. As one who has missed a load of family funerals, including my nanna's, in the past (actually never returned for a funeral at all) - go for the living not the dead. So if you have surviving rellies who absolutely need the support and you can afford the time and money then go but you dont HAVE to go, they know you are grieving just as much as they are.

I would have gone back for a parent's funeral even though they have said not to bother, but I didnt even give a thought to my grandmother's funeral even had I not been about to give birth to my second son within days of her death.

So true.You wont regret it.Sorry about your Nan.

I think you have answered your own question

Sorry for your loss xx

When faced with decisions that seem tricky, like this one is for you, I ask myself what will be more important a year from now.

So a year from now, will you be saying, "I wish I had not spent that money on that flight" or would you be saying "I wish I had been there".

I suspect it would be the latter.

Only you know what is right for you. I am not one to go back for funerals so personally I wouldn't but everyone if different

Sorry to hear of your nan's passing.
If you want to go, and your dad needs you- and you have the support of your OH- then go.
Yes, it is expensive, but as others have said, you can find ways to make up the money you spend. It isn't being selfish, it is being supportive and human.