I know am old , my daughter is age 17, and i keep thinking about how much my life changed and kept changing between the ages of 15- 25.

I distinctly remember (wrongly) at age 15 that i was 'on my own', where the hell did i come to that conclusion

Anyway i think due to the ever changing events in my life in this period i am being 'a bit overboard' with my teen.

I feel its at the point where our relationship could all go wrong and i think am trying too hard!!,

so come all ye mothers and fathers who have been there and done that already give me your opinion on where i can keep things on an even keel.

or, if you dare, share where it went right or wrong

Not having kids myself I can only relate to my own experiences with my Mum.

To be honest when I was younger I was only happy when I was at war with my Mum - it could have been peace on earth and good will to all women with fluffy angels and I would still have found some teenage anger from somewhere.

I could argue with myself, slam a door like no other and declare life 'SO wasn't fair' even though I had nothing/little to complain about.

Mum said it is a teenagers job to complain and make life difficult for their parents and sometimes compared me to the anti-christ.

My friend has always been strict and some would say go overboard with her teen, really strict yet now her daughter is nearly 19, she is at university and said to her Mum last year 'I am glad you were strict with me' - most of her peers smoke, take dope, have got pregnant and living in bed and breakfast, and my friends daughter is doing so well she will go far in her life.

Strict isn't always bad Margaret, it might be a long and tough road to take, but have you noticed that people always remember the discipline in their lives rather than the freedom they were allowed.

Not a bad thing in my book.

I wish there was a definitive answer, it would make life so much easier. First Born is basically a joy (unless a hefty bout of PMS is around) but I know Tiddler is not going to be the same and I'm going to suffer the same fate as most parents in knowing how to deal with her.

Following on from Margaret's query, does anyone know how I change her from being a non talkative, private, non emotional cool chick into a tell all, chatty, affectionate girl? I don't like secrets when I'm not being told them

I'm not a mum, but I do teach teenagers and have a fair bit of experience with them each and every day.

The first thing is to remember that teenagers are supposed to rebel- it's all about finding their own path- and that most of them won't stray too far and will bring themselves back under control if they really want to suceed in life. If the groundwork in early childhood is good they should be fine.

The second thing to remember is that children have to rebel against someone, they don't really hate their parents/ teachers etc they just want to stretch their wings and don't like to feel constrained by these people- even when it's for their own good.

So my opinion, give them responsibility and treat them as much as possible like adults not children. Try not to get emotional and shout back, be the calm consistent one in the relationship. And above all be patient, the teenage years do pass and I've seen scores of sulky grunting teenagers turn into articulate interested young adults.

Ahh, so that's what you do. Ooops

I'm going to file that info for later...

And it isn't going to be much later either....

No, that's what you try and do- it's much easier when they're not your own kids, but I don't always manage even then!

Unfortunately with all three of us having our cycle at the same time, not being emotional and not shouting doesn't come into the equation

Hormone hell.

Mine has started early... he's 12...

I feel like I annoy the hell out of him and that I am very pointless... made me quite sad as him and I were always having a laugh..

Its quite reassuring to read what you say... actually I do find him a lot better when I make him responsible for things.. ie, he helped me make dinner last night.. he was all chuffed and I just gave him loads of encouragement and didnt make a fuss of the things that he got a bit wrong..

Em x

Not always so easy when they are your own kids.

I used to work with teenagers with behavioural problems for 10 years and it was so much more easier getting through to them than it was to my own teenagers

With your own kids its not easy to walk away.

Working with kids at least you can go home and have some respite lol.

Sorry Margaret but hang on in there hun mines are 18 and 19 now and its getting worse

My 3 kids are 17, 18 and 19 now, and fortunately have turned out ok.
The two things I learned was to compromise and to "really" talk/listen to them.
If they went out I wanted them to be in by 10pm. They wanted midnight so I compromised and told them to be in by 11pm. It worked and they always came in on time. They always had to tell me where they were going, who they were with, what time they were coming home and how they were getting home. By doing that I felt able to give them the freedom they wanted while giving me the reassurances I needed.
I talk to them as if I'm their mate and not just their mum. I'm really interested in how their day has gone whether it be at work or school and ask questions all the time so they know that what they are doing is just as important to me as it is to them. I ask them about the latest chart songs or films out and generally try and keep up with the latest trends. (Half the time, I haven't a clue who or what they're talking about but look interested all the same). And I always reassure them that I'm around anytime day or night if they need to talk.
Don't get me wrong. They have their moments and I'm certainly not Mother Teresa. When the girls (19 and 17) get PMT I know to stay well clear and if someone has p**d off my son all hell can break loose, but the good times certainly outweigh the bad.
So compromise, talk and listen. Oh, and tell 'em that you love 'em - every single day.

Julie. x

See this is my current problem... if I ask him how his day is, he thinks I am nagging not just interested..

I tell him I love him each day and give him a nice hug...I think that helps actually..

However, If I ask him anything he flies off the handle... I am sure it is just his hormones, but good grief! our daughter is having the same trouble with him too.. she gets it in the neck a lot from him.. perhaps we just annoy him???? trouble is our only crime is existing in his enviornment! LMAO!

My husband told me that I was prob giving him too much attention and to leave him be... so I did (and still do when nec), but then he gets all angry with me as I am ignoring him

Can't win in either situation... My husband says that its pretty normal for a boy to be like this..

Hopefully he'll grow out of it

Em x

My daughter will be 17 in Jan, from the age of 12 she insisted on smoking, drinking, coming home late. The nightmare still continues for us.
We have tried all the 'rules' but she rebelled and left home so many times.
She is not any better as she gets older, she thinks the world owes her everything.
I have no advice for you as we can't even keep control of own daughter. Lets just hope they 'grow out of it'.
My sister keeps telling me to be her 'friend' not her 'enemy'.