Icey

Just wanted some feedback from some people on this site. I am a British young lady and recently I have been feeling slightly uncomfortable going out to public places such as bridgetown/ shopping departments public buses (mainly the yellow and blue ones).

I do not know if i am being paranoid, but most people mainly ladies seem to have a problem with the fact that my boyfriend of four years is 100% Bajan...

I would like to put it down to paranoia but the stories i could tell you, the dirty looks.. I am a nice person, kind hearted etc I was just wondering if any other females also experienced this.


Sorry for the negative downer stuff... it really is troubling me though
Icey x

Serendipidy

Hi Icey

I am guessing that you are in an interracial relationship for it to be obvious enough that people may notice?? ie presuming you are white or asian and your boyfriend is black (or vice versa)? Or maybe you are black with an english accent?

Whenever two different cultures date both cultures can sometimes display negative attitudes to the member of their own culture or their partner unfortunately thats how it is all over the world and definitley in the UK as well. This will not change so the only person who can change is you in this. I have had many experiences of this myself throughout my life. My suggestion is see it as a matter of curiosity and especially in Barbados people like to chat about anything and everyone so dont take it too personally. If you are in an interracial relationship and you have children you will unfortunately have to grow a thick skin.

Barbadians on the whole are very nice people but they are not particularly happy about change and its coming thick and fast. Even now there are barbadian cricket and football teams that are all white or all black and there is not much inter marriage on the island -both sections of the community seem to be happy with this. If you are from a very multicultural society such as UK this may sound very strange and politically incorrect for someone of your age but one of the loveable things about barbados is that they still hold old fashioned values on many things but some concepts also hold them back.

Your partner (as did mine) may suffer a lot of abusive comments about dating a tourist or foreigner but unfortunately thats part of challenging boundaries.

As bajans would say dont spend too much time studying it cos people are just "too malicious"(meaning nosey) in barbados and enjoy the fact that you are lucky in love

Dips x

Icey

Thanks for that Missy, It isn't REALLY an interacial relationship, well it kinda is he is bi-racial (white/black) , as am I but I am mixed with asian (i dont really no that side of my family unfortunately) and dark in complexsion you can only really tell by the texture of my hair. So i dont really see what we have as interacial he is just 'my partner'

I understand what you are saying London in particular is so multicultral having travelled quite a bit these things really dont bother me. I am glad I am not being silly.

I was actually in tri mart with my boyfriend packing away the shopping into bags and this woman came over snatched the bag out of my hand and actually look at my boyfriend and said " these English don't know how to do properly" can proceeded to make attempts at packing away my stuff!!!

My boyfriend has like you said that i should just ignore it but it is so difficult when people go out of there way to make you uncomfortable, Bajans ( and i know i am totally over generalising here ) don't seem to have a problem when i am by myself it is just when they see me with him!

but i guess the 'thick skin' will come in time.

Thanks for the reassurance
Icey x

Sunniebgi

well if that same women had been at Big B the other day, she would have gotten an earful from me. as a white American having lived in BGI for over 16 years married to a 100pct white bajan, I still retain some of North American Ways. I was checking out and noticed that there were no "bag boys or girls" around. I wasn't interested in staying there all day, so I started bagging my own stuf.. and continued, with tons of stares, but not a sole said anything to me or even come over to "take over". I put my filled bags in my cart paid the bill and walked out the store, put them in my car. Good on me.. boy.. saved me some lunch money in the process.

You can't imagine the amount of times I've been asked if I needed a taxi while in Bridgetown

and I've even pumped my own gas, when I couldn't find an attendent at a full service gas station... they come running quick when you do that.. and they still stare.. even after 16 years.

Welcome to Barbados.

zanne

My take is that putting it off to developing a thick skin is just putting a band aid on the problem...don't get me wrong my husband is bajan and so is his family, but bajans need to be told off, plain and simple. The things that have been said to me, oh boy, way off base not even close to being appropriate-- at the grocery store, the mall, at work-- and to top it all off from self proclaimed dyed in the wool Christians!!!

Icey

What do you suggest is an appropriate way to handle the situation other then ignoring it...?

zanne

As sunnie said:

I don't let things slip by, for example, the guy at work that sits near my desk and harasses me, last week I looked him in the eye and said, "Don't you have anything better to do than leer at me all day..." For one thing, it took him about 2 hours to determine the meaning of the word "leer" and he hasn't said a word since. So certain people can't have a middle ground-- can't refrain from being lewd, and can't be civil-- so they just shut up. This same guy pulled the same crap on me in December, and in the end he was talking about Christ and all this other nonsense. I really have a hard time with someone that intentionally tries to make another uncomfortable.

Bajans typically avert confrontation, so all I do is calmly say my peace and move on. You will learn to avoid certain places, even at the supermarket I will wait for a checker and bagger that I know before going to ones that I know are miserable.

Foxy_fromCanada

Sorry to get off-topic here, but along these lines...

I bring my own cloth grocery bags to the store every time, and usually pack them myself. Oh, the stares I get. I just smile sweetly and ask them if they're having a good day. It gets the same reaction as confronting them, and it really makes them mad that I'm nice to them so they can't say I'm rude.

Slightly different tactic, same result. We all have our ways of dealing with things.

zanne

I was going to mention that too Foxy!!! I have recently had bag boys refuse to bag using them...oh lordy! But you know what, I am sticking to going to the cashiers and baggers that I know, I just think that the cloth/re-usable bags are foreign to them and they haven't had anyone care to take the time to explain this to them.

Foxy_fromCanada

Haha! It's bad enough getting one plastic bag, but they always double-bag them! So a small load of groceries can bring home 10 plastic bags. I hate plastic... I think they are evil! The idea hasn't caught on, though.

Pricesmart is still selling their reusable bags for $15

p.s. Sorry Icey, I will stop sabotaging your thread now.

Serendipidy

[QUOTE=and to top it all off from self proclaimed dyed in the wool Christians!!![/QUOTE]

Whats one of those lol? never heard that saying

zanne

That's an old fashioned American, maybe New England saying, another way of sayings it is through and through or ingrained-- when wool was dyed they dyed the fiber and then spun the wool.

Icey

i could just about deal with the plastic as i think it is biodegradable (confirmation?) Just the attitude..... In fact my partner took me out for my birthday to a 'ok' restaurant... the lady was quite welcoming etc i opened my mouth to thank her for something..... you could almost see her jaw dropped for the shock of an English accent! imagine recieved 'dirty looks' on your birthday...... the worse thing is that i am no outsider to Barbados, doesn't matter how many times i go across it just never ends!

butterflysue1

I think when we move to Barbados for elsewhere we are not prepared for some of the things that are said to us here. I purchased a door from town and a neighbour promised to collect it when he hadn't been after 3 weeks I went to the store (with estate car) to collect the bought and paid for item only to be told "We can't find our pink copy of receipt so you can't take the door and why come back after 3 weeks" I gave my explaination and was told Why don't I go back to England and told to get a refund after much fuss the store owner didn't want to sell me the door. I was flabergasted by this man who is indian himself. Even though I had my stamped paid receipt because they couldn't find their copy I couldn't take my door he intimated that one of his staff had already given me delivery of the door and I was pulling a fast one. As if!!! I returned for refund and he was nowhere in sight!! So if you see their adverts on tv they have a number of outlets in Bridgetown all under the umbrella firm and an airport hotel. Beware you may be treated the same way. I can really understand why people us Mannings and Carters for their excellent service. So its not only personal relationships that are a problem.

Icey

Totally not suprised.... they have a scheme similar to BBC watchdog in the newspapers (local bajan) cant remember which one though- shame on me! can anyone assist? I would LOVE to write for that collumn ( cant be bothered to correct spelling mistakes, long day in the office) .