When does it feel worth it?
 

We have been back in the UK for six weeks.

The first month in Devon was fine. We were staying in a friends house. So we weren't really starting our new life. (We being me and my dog Nyla.)

We are now renting an old house in a village in Lancashire. We have been here 2 weeks. We have a good hill for our daily dog walks. We have a car. Our furniture arrived today. I will start looking for work after Easter.

But since moving north, I have started wondering how long it might be before moving back to the UK feels worth the stress and worries?

Is it typically some weeks or months? Or is it some specific circumstances such as going to work, or getting your own place? I know there won't be a single 'right' answer, but it would help to know whether other people found it took some time before the upheaval and uncertainty of moving back to the UK felt worth it.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I know exactly the feeling, Pete.

I'm not sure what I was expecting upon moving back home, but if I'm honest about it all, as much as I enjoy living here it sort of feels hollow. I can't put my finger on anything specific or maybe I just can't put it into words properly, but it's not given me the euphoria and buzz that I had imagined it would for the 17 years of living in USA. I arrived back in July 2013.

I've realised that location does not change me, I was me whilst in USA the same as I am me in UK. I'm still the same, nothing's changed. (incidentally, I am settled in my own house and have a job)

So, in answer to your question, I have no idea when it will feel worth it.

( just re-read what I've written and I sound terribly negative, I am happy to be back, honest! :) )

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I expect its different for everyone. How long did it take before moving the North America felt worth the stress and worry?

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

We were very settled in Calgary, with a familiar routine. We are not yet settled into our new life in The UK. I wanted a couple of specific things from the move: familiar British hills and visits to see friends and family. I have those now, but along with them come many other changes, some better, some worse, many just different and unfamiliar at the moment. I was prepared for many of them, but not for the cumulative impact of so much change at once.

Physically, we are back in the UK, but emotionally I still feel like a visitor.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Just a few days. I was addicted to skiing back then so that was all I needed.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

..........................because you've been back a metaphorical 10 minutes kiddo!
Take more note of this feeling if you still have it in one/two years! Then perhaps consider whether the UK is for you. But now? Way too early I reckon.

I knew-knew that 'home' was for me. Despite the severe problems I have/ am experiencing, that doesn't change. Settling (I wish!) back has been seamless.

The UK has NOT changed. Systems within the UK have changed (and not for the better),-as they have changed everywhere.

Politicians though have not changed at all, they are the same todious wats that they always have been.
And that is international too.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Here, here !!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Just wondered how you're finding things these days Pete?

I can relate to what you posted ... since I got back (mid-April) I feel like I've had a ton of new and unfamiliar things to deal with ... it's been quite exhausting. I'm really looking forward to things settling down in a few months (I hope).

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

When I go back in three weeks, I expect to feel like a visitor for a few years. Hopefully, it won't be anything near that long but that's what I expect. I don't think it will be easy to shake off the effects of living in the USA.

I have to learn how to get things done over there. Thankfully, I have a friend who will help me at every step of the way there. Even so, I want to know how to do this on my own.

I want a place of my own and that won't be for at least three months.

I want to know I can survive over there independently. That won't be until I feel settled in a nice job.

Any time I have moved within the USA, it has taken me a full year to feel as if "I belong". I have to experience every holiday, every season once. Then the next year, I remember those experiences in the first year and somehow it then feels like "old hat". And that's moving within the same country. This is an international move which I think will take longer.

I was in the USA five years before I could even begin to resign myself to living here. I don't think it will take as long in the UK but it will certainly take a year or two, I am sure.

Then on top of all that, we have to get used to a new society, a government that operates completely differently, the weather, etc.

I am not even counting on enjoying the first two or three months because there will be so much to do and everything will be new.

I have wanted to return for years and years and years but I am not blind to the process of readjustment.

Be patient with yourself and give it lots of time. ;)

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Well Said Windsong. Seems like you are prepared for all the emotions you are bound to feel in the weeks and months ahead of you. I wish you and your doggies all the luck and happiness.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Thank you, Morayeel! :)

It will be nice to finally touch down on British soil. ;)

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

windsong, who is the friend who is helping you over there?

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I'm not convinced this is the best attitude... "I'm not going to enjoy it because it's different." Aren't the differences exactly why you're moving in the first place?

Surely the first two or three months are when it's all exciting and new and fun?

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I think "..not counting on..." is okay. Had she said "..not planning on..." then I think she would be missing out.

I read it as 'I'm prepared to not have that initial high of being back or at least ready for it to last only a short time' I think it is a good approach if there is a lot of anticipated uncertainty in the aftermath of the move.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I have to agree the first few months are probably going to the the ones you should enjoy the most before the day to day reality of having to work etc kicks in. I don't think that you can plan your emotions and reactions either. You won't know until you get there. And if you've been away along time like Windsong then I think you are going to be in "vacation" frame of mind when you first get there. For me I expected to have a lot if ups and downs in the first months and a lot of doubt kicking in but that hasn't happened. When is it worth it? For me it was the minute I landed!!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Been asking myself the same question(s) since I got here in April. Every morning I've been waking up in a panic and second guessing my choice to move here from Aus. But once I've put the kettle on and sit down with a brew and consider my options and what I left behind compared to what I have now and have the opportunity to gain in the future it becomes clear that it was absolutely the right choice... Even though I know tomorrow morning I'll wake up very early and be greeted by that all too familiar worry and second guessing state of mind...

It's the nature of the beast, change of such a magnitude will attract some stress and doubt over your decision. But on the back side of that, the stress and feelings of anxiety will fade over time, you just need to give yourself time, don't beat yourself up over having doubts.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Hi, On the road.

I was just wondering what you ended up doing about the visa options? Are you back in the UK alone right now?

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Hi Rebecca

Ya back here, and my wife is waiting in aus for the visa to be processed - bout 2 months to go. We both came and she stayed for 5 weeks and we had a good holiday while I looked for work. Found it dead easy to get a job. Had offers coming in from all across the south. Cold called about 15 companies and got 4 offers back. Probably would have been much the same in the north but I wasn't looking up that way. Makes australia look like a desert (funnily enough that's what it is) by comparison when it comes to finding work.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Hi otra,
I am curious, what do you do for a living. I am an engineer and moving back to the uk in two weeks after living in US for the past 27yrs. Me finding a steady decent job quickly will be paramount to settling my wife and three kids in the UK. I am moving to Leeds and want to stay somewhere up north. I am pleased to hear that you found work quickly and had some choices. Good luck.
Cheers
Nigel

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Just to say that was my experience too - got back in April and within 6 weeks I had 3 interviews lined up - whereas I spent months trying to get work in Canada (I have a social work qualification). The downside I've found is that the pay for my new job is relatively low - and I currently live in the South East where property prices are very high. I don't know whether I would have got a job quite as quickly in the midlands or further north - but it is something I'm going to look into longterm as the 1 bedroom/studio property prices where I am are now totally out of my reach - for rent or to buy.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

The things I moved back for feel like they have been over shadowed by more day to day concerns and worries. I don't like to be negative, but we get plenty of positive experiences in this forum so I will add some balance. We have been back nearly 4 months, and I think I might feel more positive about the move in a few more months, particularly if we get our own place.

I'm puzzled why I don't feel more positive. I have a job, I found a house to rent that accepted a dog, Nyla is going to daycare and we have had lots of hikes in the lake district. We have had a few visits to friends and family although not as many as I would like as we chose to live in the north west, although friends and family are almost all in the south west.

I do worry about money. I have a good salary as a programmer, but there will be little left after bills, insurance, petrol and a mortgage. I would like to buy a house in a nice area, near a hill, with a drive and a small garden. We should be able to find something, but I try not to remember our 3 bedroom house in Calgary. I feel I undervalued what we had there, not just material things, but our settled life which we were very used to. It was like a comfortable but worn pair of old boots which I threw out and then missed.

We are starting to think about buying a house, although I am not sure whether to stay in the north west, move closer to family and friends in the south west or even move back to Calgary. I should give the UK more time, knowing that things will probably feel very different in a few more months, but I haven't found a safe way of switching my brain off, so it continues its second and third guessing games.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I'm glad you wrote Pete and I can completely relate to the lack of money left over after bills are deducted - altho' I'm on 18K living in the SE!! So at the moment not a lot left over once essentials are covered.

I think any change is very unsettling but that said, I have found some things very challenging since I got back. The high cost of housing for one. Like you, I have been wondering about buying property at some point (when I've found a better paying job in a year or so) but part of me is resisting the idea - I really liked renting in Canada and what I got for my rent (in terms of security of tenure and facilities) was more than reasonable ... so part of me deeply resents the idea of buying here - but in the UK rentals are so poor in terms of tenure and what's on offer that it seems like the only way one can get somewhere decent is to buy. And I'm really fed up with the UK obsession with how much money people can make from buying property and doing it up and the whole housing market generally - it just seems so much more intense here.

And like you, I am going to give the UK more time but I too find myself often thinking about what I left behind in Canada. Not just materially. There are things like the upbeatness of the culture that I miss and I really struggle with the existence of the UK class system and how it impacts people's lives (I see it so much more clearly now having been away for a while) as well as the casual sexism and the relentless campaign against immigrants .... having been one myself, I see the other side of the coin and I miss the Canadian attitude towards immigration as well.

I also really miss the Canadian weather! Which is not something I thought I would miss at all - but the UK seems quite cold and rainy by comparison altho' I do love the green of the countryside.

I think living abroad for a while and then coming back is so challenging - it changes how you see your country and it's not always easy to slot back into the life you left.

For me the politics and economy has also played a role in how I feel ... I will be really interested to see how I feel in a year's time, particularly given that both the UK and Canada are going to be having significant elections next year ... it will be interesting to see the outcome and whether that encourages me to leave the country or stay!

Good luck with your plans - perhaps in a couple of months we'll both feel a bit more settled.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

CalgaryPete. most folks on this forum have given advice of staying at least a year before making a final decision. Also you talk about buying a house but if you can why not stay in rental until you are absolutely sure UK is for you. I wish you well. I'm on a long vacation - 6 weeks and enjoying myself but I procrastinate about whether I should move back for good or stay in US. I know I will be in US for at least 5 more years for work and to get more money in my pension. Good luck whatever you decide.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I am starting to consider this option now. I was concerned about house prices continuing to rise, but we can save more while we rent. I wanted to be out of this rental before winter, as it is poorly insulated, has no drive and no garden for my dog. But we can certainly live with those issues, or we might find another rental that would accept a dog. Another 6 months of bank statements should help with getting a mortgage, although interest rates will have gone up by next spring.

I also hoped to be settled in our own place before the end of the year, so that 2014 would be our year of change and disruption, with next year being settled.

I worked out our predicted UK budget while I was still in Canada. Our actual budget is not too different. Predicting how I would feel was much less accurate!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

"Reverse culture shock"--what people experience on returning to live in their home culture--can feel even more disorientating than the "culture shock" of becoming an expat.

CP, if you never experienced much more than a few days' homesickness in Canada, the reverse culture shock on returning to England could come as an unpleasant surprise. You just never know whether these feelings will or won't pop up until you try moving country....

Culture shock - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think time may clarify things for you. Hope so!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I felt very mixed about our move back from about 2 months in to somewhere around 9 months in. I stopped posting here because I got fed up of some of the responses that were being trotted out in a number of threads at the time and to be honest they didn't help my mood at all.

We are now 18 months in and content. We are as settled as we're likely to be (perennial itchy feet) and enjoy our lives here. I think there is a huge period of adjustment once the initial euphoria wears off but I think it's difficult to recognise as such while you're going through it. Hopefully you can give it some more time before making a permanent decision.

I don't mean to dismiss the financial and emotional upheaval but if you end up leaving the UK again, does that really matter? Live wherever suits you best.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

This is really helpful to know. Thanks for posting it. I have enjoyed reading the positive stories from people who have moved back and are rediscovering the UK. Those stories gave me a lot of encouragement to give it a try. But it's equally valuable to hear from people who have not had an immediate Bill Bryson experience. I am grateful to hear from anybody that is further ahead in their move, whether they are positive, negative or undecided.

So I am now looking at the option of another 6 month rental, after this one ends in September, to give us more time to settle before we buy a place.

Thanks!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

So good to hear you finally feel settled and also to hear the mixed feelings you had initially.

I am to fly back in just over one week and, as much as I am looking forward to it, I have also been panicking. I have only had four weeks in which to make all the arrangements and most of my attention has had to be focused on simply getting it done rather than on coming to terms with how I feel about it all. It is not easy to leave behind everything that is familiar even when you want to do so.

I am anticipating I will have mixed feelings for quite a while - mostly grief about what has been left behind and the memory of the home I lived in just a year ago - full of my own furniture and belongings. What a change in such a short time. I am trying to see it all as an adventure and as a long vacation. I think trying to see it that way will help me through the adjustment.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Yes, I think the grief over what you've left muddies the waters. We are planning a visit back to Aus for various reasons next year and are hugely excited, love planning what we'll revisit etc and reminiscing over the many happy times we had. We are finally in a position to recognise that there were numerous positives to our lives in Aus but that at this stage the positives here outweigh those. It sounds so obvious but as I said it took a while to recognise! Best of luck to both of you, wherever you end up.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Just to say I love that you posted this! It really helps. I am going to give things a year here and then see where I am financially and whether I feel anymore settled emotionally.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I think a year is probably a decent amount of time. When I move back I hope its' permanent but I know I am going to experience a slew of emotions that one can't prepare for. I will miss a lot here in the U.S but I also have a lot of "good" in the U.K..

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Familiarity is comforting - that's what I surprised myself by thinking on returning to Canada from being home in the UK for a holiday a few years ago - and I was referring to the area around my home in Canada!

Even though I have lived in Canada for 30 years, I have been constantly homesick for the UK/Europe (while at the same time wishing that I could be happy and willing to 'let go' of those feelings and let myself be content with my lot). So, even though I have said that upping sticks and moving home to the UK would be fabulous, I can well imagine how it may not be so easy and understand the qualms around the whole transfer. Wish I could be there to help out, driving newcomers around to the various things they have to do when they land, etc.!

Hopefully the new surroundings will become familiar to you soon, and so you will feel comfortable!

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I think it's good counsel to take a trip back to where you came from about a year after you move... just to put your mind at ease. Make sure to take off those rose coloured glasses first though... really look. Because though our move is a few months away *GASP!* I really am going into this knowing that there are some great things about Canada. And great things about the UK. Bad things about Canada. And bad things about the UK. I want to try to keep emotions in check when I look longingly forwards OR backwards... that's part of why I'm blogging this journey, so when those wobbles hit, I can look back and reminds myself, "oh ya, THIS is why we did this"

I'll keep you in my prayers CalgaryPete and hope the unsettled feelings pass quickly.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

This month marks the two year anniversary of returning to the UK after 30 years in the US. The first year was full of negatives, the negatives are still there. As the time has gone by I thought I would get over these feelings, but that is not the case. My American wife and I have to decide whether or not to pursue the mandated (ILR) we have until December to get this done if we intend to stay otherwise I don't know what complications will ensue, perhaps some on this forum could explain.

Just to complicate my feelings we are going back to the US in October for seven weeks, I feel that this visit will only make me feel worse. I'm not going into detail of the negatives of this country, there are to many. I know certain posters would just love to berate me.

John

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I would very much like to hear your views and would be disappointed if anyone posted inappropriately because of it. go for it

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

So would I.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

I would love to hear all the negatives too. I am returning in October. I have made up my mind. Not because I do not like the U.S but because I just can't financially make it here. I do not blame anyone but myself. I should have gone to school, got a degree etc but guess I was old fashioned thinking my spouse should!! I have always worked though but retail and with no health insurance and some health issues I can't afford to live here. I know it will be an adjustment, a huge one! I am looking at spare room and have e mailed a few of the folks on there as I will have enough money for a few months until I get on my feet.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

London1947 I too would like to hear more detail. It's one of the reasons why I joined the forum. We have decided we are going back. Hearing the good and bad helps in preparing for this crazy journey.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

Perhaps you could open a new thread airing your views. I will keep an eye on the thread...plus you can always hit the report post tab if you feel some are going over the top with their comments.

Re: When does it feel worth it?
 

John, I too would like to hear your negatives, we are at a cross roads right now with OH not wanting to return and me also having doubts especially with the world in the state it is in with Ukraine and Isis and the lovely summer we have had, not to mention we cannot sell our house! About ILR my advice would be to definitely go for it and I think your wife can naturalise if you have been married for a long time? Once she is British you can then relax regarding all these rules and regulations with immigration. Getting citizenship was my biggest regret because I had ILR and if we waited another year I would have had my citizenship sorted out and been duel like my OH.