And this is the reason why...............
 

Hello everyone, been catching up with some of your stories and must say its lovely to see others returning home and to find out how you are all getting on.

Well most of you are probably going to have to deal with the inevitable question of why did you come home etc etc, I wish I had a pound for everyone who has asked me that tbh!

Well as some of you may recall I recently went on a family holiday to Ireland, we had a great time and managed not to strangle each other - amazing! Well I came back to work 4 weeks ago but Dad wasn't feeling too well, he's had bloating and pain for a few weeks now but the GP thought it was constipation and sent him home with laxatives. Since I have been away he collapsed and ended up in hospital and, I'm sorry to say, it turns out he actually has cancer.

We are all completely shocked, yes he is in his 70's but he doesn't drink or smoke and was happily riding his bike into town and back only 8 weeks ago, never took a tablet in his life apart from the odd paracetamol.

I'm devastated especially as I am away at sea atm, once I came to terms with it I thought he would be ok but now I am not so sure. The cancer is rare, hard to locate and very aggressive. My Mum keeps saying he will be ok but my sister has told me to prepare for the worst, its been a rough couple of weeks.

So this is why I came back and whatever happens, I'm so glad I did if only to spend the last year with him and thank goodness we had that family holiday. I might have to stop working for a while and help out at home but of course I don't mind. Dad is refusing to go back into hospital atm so my Mum is caring for him and she can't do it alone as he needs injections etc. My sister is medcially trained and is doing what she can but she works and can't be there everyday.

Me? Well I'm in a bit of a tailspin right now, all plans right out of the window, I've applied for a part time job at an NHS urgent care unit just in case I have to stay home but I think I completely stuffed up the application form anyways - oops!

I must admit I have had some days - and I am being completely honest here - I had the odd twinge of doubt and thought maybe if I'd given Perth a try (have lots of friends and family there) I might have made a go of things in Oz. Still its the curse of the expat isn't it? To wonder, to have good and bad days, to have regrets, to have second thoughts etc.

I guess what I am trying to say is spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, accept there will be days when you wonder if you did the right thing, accept that plans will fall through and sometimes people won't be there for you like you thought they would. However there will be days when you think YES this is awesome, I fit in again, this is what I missed and everything in the world is just right!

I don't know what is going to happen but I am taking one day at a time right now, you never know what is round the corner but I am a firm believer that you always end up where you are meant to be - even if its a path you don't choose but get shoved down sometimes! :nod:

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It's hard to think of just what to say when you hear something like this MissB - sorry just sounds so lame. My thoughts are with you, your Dad and family. You are a strong and wise lady and a great source of love, courage and inspiration to your family. A big hug and good wishes to you all. :starsmile:

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How devastating for you and your family. Wishing your father the very best care, and that his suffering be minimised as much as possible. (((BIG HUGS))) to you too :(

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Very sorry MS Betty and thanks for letting us know how you're doing. Sending positive thoughts for your Dad. Btw my Dad was diagnosed with aggressive bowel cancer 10 years ago and given a 50/50 chance of mortality. He's still here today and fit as a fiddle.

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MissBetty, As you may know my brother lived with me the last 4 years of his life. Would give my life for him to be back on earth and healthy.. I did not work much the last year or so before his death. I am so glad I had all that time with him. I have many regrets but at least I can say I spent enough time with him.. Miss him so..

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Miss Betty, so sorry to hear the news about your dad. Thinking of you and your family. Take care.

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MissBetty, I selfishly got to say my thoughts are with your and your family. And with your skills there will always be other jobs.

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Miss Betty, so sorry to hear your news about your dad. Glad you have had that family holiday and are home to be near him. Wishing your family lots of love, comfort and hugs. It just seems so hard to say anything meaningful xxx

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Oh Miss B, so sorry to hear that! Not much you can do in situations like that but go with the flow and do the best you can! I find that the CotE raises it's ugly head whenever the going gets tough (as of course it does from time to time) - normal behaviour really. I hope all goes better than you are probably realistically expecting!

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Thanks one and all for your kind words, it really means a lot to me especially as I'm stuck in the middle of the ocean right now. I know so many of you have been through this with family members getting ill and having 'wobbles' so will understand how I feel. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worse just have to wait and see what happens now. Thanks again x

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MissB,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Sending all good thoughts for him and do you and your family.

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Hugs Miss Betty.. I am not good with words but just wanted to say thinking of you and your family xx

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So sorry to hear the news about your Dad, sending lots of positive thoughts and healing energy his way. You are absolutely right about spending as much time as we can with family. This is part of the reason why I moved back. I have my moments of doubt but your post has reminded me that home is where I am supposed to be. Hoping for the best for you and your family.

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Really sorry to hear this news, Miss Betty, but things might just turn out to be okay. Fingers crossed for you and your family.

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Hello again bit of an update, unfortunately my Dad has gotten worse and he is being transferred to a hospice this morning. I feel sick and I feel numb, its been so quick I'm struggling to come to terms with it.

I asked my company for some time off and got lots more than I wanted - they've let me go, I'm gobsmacked as I have worked so hard to get where I am and never let them down once but I am a contractor so nothing I can do.

I'll be home tonight so will go and see him first thing, still hoping for a miracle cos you just never know but am preparing to say goodbye if I have to.

Funny how your life can change so quickly and without warning but I am glad I got to spend the last year with him. I'm taking a couple of months off for now, luckily I have some savings but as for the future who knows? I'm just doing the best I can right now and trying to believe that everything will work out as it should. so many times I've had a door slam in my face only for another, better one to open.

Will check in with you all soon, thanks again for all your kind words, I'm not exaggerating when I say it means a lot to me so cheers x

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So very, very sorry Miss Betty, for your dad's turn for the worse. I am still hopeful that he will pull through. Don't worry about the job right now. Just spend the time you have with your dad. Hang in there and know that we are all here thinking of you xx

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MissBetty,

So very sorry to hear this, I am sure you must all be in shock. Sorry about the job but I am glad you are going to be able to see your Dad tomorrow. Hope you have as much time together as possible.

All good wishes to your Dad, you and your family.

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Miss Betty. I am so sorry that your dads health has declined. I am glad you are there for him. Sorry your company let you go.. but glad you have some savings. Take care sweetheart..xxx ((((hugs)))

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Hi MissBetty,

I am very sorry to hear the sad news about your dad. Unfortunately we never know what life has in store for us, we just have to make the most of it while we're here. I'm glad you had this last year with him and enjoyed the time you had.
Gutted to hear about your work also. How damn unsympathetic of them! I really hope things turn around for you, MissBetty! Take care.

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Miss B, I don't know what to say. I just wish I could hold your hand and give you a big hug. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

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So sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad, Miss B. Safe journey home to your family today, you're where you're meant to be at this time. My thoughts and good wishes to you and your family. :wub: As for your former employers, they don't deserve you.

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:goodpost:

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Oh Miss Betty sending you big ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) too, not much more I can add to the above except that it is time to take care of yourself and be with your family! A job is replaceable!

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:amen:

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Miss Betty, so sorry to hear your dad has declined. As for job letting you go - well screw them. time with dad is more precious and you will find a job when you feel time is right. I always enjoy your emails as think you are adventurous and for me whose existence is totally different I think you are beacon of light and will continue to be.. Hang in there..

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Shocked and sad to read this Miss Betty, big hugs. Thinking of you.

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So sorry Miss Betty. You've been through so much.

I love reading your updates. They have been a great comfort when I was going through some bad times. You have lots of lovely messages on here and I hope they give you some comfort. Good luck and keep us all updated. Xx

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So sorry to hear about your dad, Miss Betty. My thoughts are with you and your family - I hope you get that miracle.

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Hello everyone and wow, thanks again for all the good wishes you awesome people xx

Ok well I went to see him and it was just awful, I hardly recognise him and I know now there is nothing anyone can do. He's still got the old spark though, he told me he was fed up and he wanted to come home. The hospice staff were so amazing but we had a good chat and I said I could cope, I've got no kids, medical knowledge and time so they said ok, his face just lit up bless him! He refused to wait for an ambulance so we got him into my sister's car and off we went humming the tune from The Great Escape!

He's now home and Mum, my sister and I are taking it in turns to do 'night duty'. The support we have had is unreal - I never knew how much help was available. Within two days we have a special bed, mattress to prevent pressure sores, a commode, district nurses and a carer who comes in once a day. I have lot of drugs from the hospice so I'm doing all his meds plus fluids as he struggles to eat or drink. They even gave me oro-morphine in the take home pack, which I was surprised at, but it's great as I just give him a small amount when he needs it, he gets pain free rest and he looks so peaceful.

All my Dad wants is to die peacefully at home with dignity cared for by his family and that is what he shall have, he's been an amazing Dad so it's the least I could do.

Oh and just as a closing note I got a call from an old friend who asked if I had any time free to do a bit of first aid assessing and teaching for his company, just the odd day here and there but it's £200 per day. My sister only works part time so she said we could arrange our care days so I can do a few days to top up the funds. Funny isn't it how things work out?

Thanks again everyone :-) xx

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Miss Betty, I'm so sorry that your Dad is facing the end of his life and you and your family are getting ready for the end.

Sorry that the offshore company let you go when you told them your Dad had cancer.

It's good that there's a first aid teaching job for you so you're not relying on savings while you take it in turns to look after your Dad with your sister.

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Hey there from someone who has been exactly there with this 5 years ago. Just me and my Dad though. We were given the exact same amazing care , service & facilities , except it was just me so a Marie Curie nurse would have been put in place to help me. The bed was 25th century to me.


All the very best to you, as you all ease your Dad and yourselves into his final days or weeks.
It is a good thing you do. I have never ever regretted doing this , despite all the odds against it.


He is your lovely Dad & I simply wish you all a little, teeny bit of quality time if possible and to see him comfy and peaceful.

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Thanks for your reply, it's so hard watching someone you love slip away but I'm glad I get to be here to help. It's tiring and hard work but I can't bear the thought of him going into hospital for his final days being cared for by strangers without us there.

I've been so grateful for the help we have received, like you say it's just amazing what you get isn't it? Everyone has been so kind and caring and very supportive,
I've got a good relationship with the carer and nurses already, they let me help out and I'm respectful of not interfering with their jobs. Mum is getting some rest too which is important as she has run herself ragged over the past few weeks. Today she's going out to see a friend for coffee as she needs a break, my sister is here every day and she is coming over all day Monday so I can have a break and go into town for a bit.

We are coping just fine but the help we have received makes all the difference. I know a lot of people don't get the choice/chance to do this as we all have different circumstances but like you said, no regrets and it's the right thing for us. Thanks for taking the time to reply, it helps hearing from other people who have gone through it x

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Miss Betty, we are all here with you in spirit. (((MASSIVE HUGS)))

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Miss B. I laughed and I cried when I read your comment about your dad humming the tune to "The Great Escape", no doubt in my mind that you are your father's daughter. I am glad your dad is home with you and your family.

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Hi everyone just to let you know my awesome Dad died last night. It was just us here, Mum my sister and I held him, told him we loved him and he just slipped away, it was very peaceful and dignified.

I'm still in shock but I do take comfort that I was here and carried out his wishes as I know a lot of people never get that chance.

Thank you for all your kind messages I'm very grateful xx

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Sorry for your loss. Hard days of grieving to come then for there is never a right time to lose someone is there.

I am sure you will give your Dad the very best of final farewells.

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Big hugs Miss Betty, so sorry to hear this. Love and care to you, xx

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So sorry you've lost your Dad MissB, he sounds like he was a lovely man. It's good to hear you're able to take some comfort from being there for him and being able to carry out his wishes; I think this will help you through the difficult times to come - I've been there. My condolences to you and your family. :heart:

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Sorry to hear about your dad..

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Oh Miss B (((hugs))) what an amazing daughter you are! I am so sorry for your loss - sympathies to you and your family at this awful time.