fungled

Hi everyone,
So I moved back after almost a decade in Europe at the beginning of the year, and this is my first update.
Hmmmm! It's been ok, I have no major problems, but I have been needing to deal with a lot of nostalgia. There are many problems I expected, and also quite a few that I underestimated, so are just real now, rather than just in my head

• How spread out everything is (London, although I don't intend to stay long-term whatever happens). I very much miss my old neighbourhood vibe
• The cultural side - UK feels so much like the 51st state these days. It feels rather empty and lacking in authenticity
• The general chaos, agro in people. Things feel rather quaint and antiquated

Of course it's not all bad, and I've already met a few new people, tried a few new things etc. Many people have been quite welcoming, and it's nice to (superficially at least) "fit in". I do, however, feel in myself that I fit in less...
The major problem is, and is probably always going to be, that I built a life overseas that really suited me very well. I just developed fear about how/when I would be able to settle down. My major major concern about being back in the UK is that, it should be easier to settle down... but can I ever accept that I gave up a life that suited me so much better? The only real problem I had was failing to find a good partner
I'm trying to push forward, but on the other hand I wonder about how I should keep my situation under review. When I left I built up a lot of emotional momentum to get me through the change (I hate this place!). Now that I've made the move and dealing with the reality, I wonder how I could approach this as an "experiment". That I don't have to force myself to stay if it doesn't feel right. But on the other hand, I don't want that to cause me to just remain rootless. I have even considered a plan of how I might change things if I return - mostly it's buy an apartment that's closest to the lifestyle I enjoyed, and commit to that.

We'll have to see right now. The weather is at least improving, and I look forward to the longer days

brits1

One thing I know for me and that London is nothing like the rest of the UK even the Londoners we know who have lived in the same areas all their lives say it’s changed and most are considering moving “out”, Places change as we do as well, we arrived and settled in a completely different area and treated the UK as a new adventure we tried not to compare things from “how they were” and anything we did not enjoy/like etc we avoided (not sure that’s the correct word) I also think you don’t always have to “make do” if something does not feel right or good then change it….this could be from jobs, work environment, hobbies or even friends and family. Some people will always just be wandering nomads and there is nothing at all wrong with that if that’s what makes you happy

Moses2013

Sorry to hear, but maybe you ended up in the wrong part of the country? You didn't really like London before and wouldn't have moved away from Germany if everything was perfect there. I don't know in which part of Germany you lived, it won't get better there either with overcrowding (people are people) etc. To me it sounds like you should move to a smaller city where community spirit is stronger and you are closer to nature.

fungled

The problem isn't a surprise at all tbh! The thing is I knew I didn't want to be in London... but on the other hand, the alternative was picking another smaller city and just moving there, knowing absolutely no-one, not knowing the place, probably needing to buy a car, etc. I really couldn't stomach that, so I went with a place I more or less know, and know a handful of people, at least initially. Then I see how it goes. It's not terrible, but my current feeling is that I'll be very surprised if I get through a year and really feel like I have a strong enough route forward. We'll see, we'll see. I might end up concluding this year that it's just better to stick with what I had there, and double down (buy a flat). Currently my lifestyle is not very close to what I want. I don't think I'll be able to go on too long without that starting to show signs of improving towards what I do want

Thanks for your input

Moses2013

No move is ever easy and it will always take some time to settle. Of course moving to a smaller city and not knowing absolutely no-one will be a huge challenge at first, it will still be easier than the move to Germany.
Somewhere where you have hiking groups, beach clean ups might be ways to meet new people.

fungled

I disagree! In many ways I had it quite easy when I moved to DE: medium sized company with a lot of young and very sociable people, and one good friend outside of work. So I met a lot of people pretty much immediately. One thing I certainly learned to love about "expat/immigration" scenes is how welcoming people are - since there is quite a high turn-over of people, there is no guarding of social groups. I notice this is very common back home

But yes, I'm not planning to make any decisions yet. However, relocating to somewhere random in the UK as it stands now seems very very unlikely for me...

Moses2013

As you say young:-). Of course Covid has made people less social, I always here the opposite from Germans who live in the UK or Ireland (including myself).
Again probably down to location, but all Germans I know and there are many here in Galway say how sociable people are. I have German friends who live in Cardiff and they said it was so easy to meet people compared to Frankfurt, which is pretty boring and not like Köln or Hamburg of course.