Why we love children!
Mar 18th 2005, 11:39 am
#1
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,277
Why we love children!
Hey, it's Friday.
Enjoy
Alistair
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
______________________________________________
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes Later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
______________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_____________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at
last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
______________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
______________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said," Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_____________________________________________
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Enjoy
Alistair
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
______________________________________________
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes Later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
______________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_____________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at
last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
______________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
______________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said," Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_____________________________________________
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Last edited by kirsty&al; Mar 18th 2005 at 11:46 am.
Mar 18th 2005, 11:42 am
#2
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
Re: Why we love children!
Class
Mar 18th 2005, 11:48 am
#3
Superfreak!!
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Thornlie, Perth, W.A.
Posts: 1,177
Re: Why we love children!
Brilliant. All this to look forward to....
Mar 18th 2005, 12:46 pm
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 858
Re: Why we love children!
BRILLIANT!!!!!!
really funny
Chris
really funny
Chris
Mar 18th 2005, 12:53 pm
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Western Suburbs, Brisbane
Posts: 87
Re: Why we love children!
BRILLIANT......
I wish I`d thought of them !!!!!!
Martin
I wish I`d thought of them !!!!!!
Martin
Mar 18th 2005, 12:58 pm
#6
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,172
Re: Why we love children!
Originally Posted by kirsty&al
Hey, it's Friday.
Enjoy
Alistair
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
______________________________________________
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes Later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
______________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_____________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at
last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
______________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
______________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said," Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_____________________________________________
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Enjoy
Alistair
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
______________________________________________
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes Later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
______________________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_____________________________________________
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at
last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
______________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
______________________________________________
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said," Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_____________________________________________
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
dont you just love 'em!!!
Mar 18th 2005, 1:12 pm
#7
Suzy's Mummy too!
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Gold Coast!
Posts: 4,231
Re: Why we love children!
*wipes tears from eyes*
Thankyou for that - me & the guys in the office throughly enjoyed those! LOL
Thankyou for that - me & the guys in the office throughly enjoyed those! LOL
Mar 18th 2005, 5:12 pm
#8
GC family day carer
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Pacific Pines
Posts: 2,212
Re: Why we love children!
Cheers for that, I needed a good laugh, the first one had me peeing my pants.
Marie
Marie
