What would you do?
 

I live in the North East of Scotland (born & bred), with my wife, son (nearly 15) and daughter (13). I have a good job as an IT Manager, a very good quality of life, the family are really happy and I have very little to complain about except..... I hate the cold, miserable weather & virtually hibernate for 6 months of the year. Even the summer weather is depressing, apart from the long daylight hours we get here.

I went to Perth on a 4 month working holiday in early 1982 and wanted to emigrate a few years later but my wife wouldn't consider it. Over the years it's been hard to suppress my "Aussie dream" but it has got easier in recent times. I just had to accept it was not meant to be and realise how lucky we are to have what we've got. However, I am the type who is rarely contented and always looking for "greener grass". Things flared up again when my best friend & his wife returned last December for a visit after emigrating to Perth over a year ago. After hearing how much they love it there, seeing their photos and videos, plus my own recollections of my time there, it got me going again! My friend suggested I call the agent he used to find out what's possible. I did and was told I could get a 139 visa if I got a successful RPL assessment from the ACS.

On New Years Day I discussed with my wife about emigrating after the kids finish secondary education in a few years. To my amazement she said "go for it!" As I am 45 in July and having a RPL to do, I figured it best to use an agent. After lots of research (mainly here on BE) and negotiations I selected an agent. The total cost for our visa application, including meds will be about £3000. However, after discussing with the kids, they both said there was no way they would go to Aus now or in the future. In turn my wife says she wont go if the kids don’t. In addition, I discovered lots of negativity about Australia on BE and I have now taken off the rose tinted glasses. Therefore I decided to abandon my visa plans back in early February but after a week my mood was "down" so I resurrected things again, did more research, soul searching, discussing, etc but the outcome was the same - abandon. Again I couldn't let go and my mood suffered so I have resurrected things again for a final time in the hope that I can make a decision one way or another and be content.

My head is saying don't waste time and money trying to get a visa that, in the current and foreseeable circumstances, will not be used. My heart is saying try and get the visa to give options for the future - the kids might change their minds, I might lose/loath my job or get even more depressed about the weather, etc. Even if we were to emigrate as a family in say 5 years (Perth or Brisbane area), would I get a decent job at 50, would we enjoy life there with less equivalent income, how long before a family member wants to return home and the rest follow? If things remain the same as they are now then is giving up what we've got worth all the stress, upheaval and cost for some extra sunshine, experiences and uncertainty? It's all very well to say "just go for it" but when you are making life changing decisions that affect the whole family because you are the only one that's unsettled, it's very hard!

What would you do? :confused:

Re: What would you do?
 

We are in a different situation as we all want to go. Sure we have all gone through our moments of "am I doing the right thing", "what if we don`t like it", "how will the kids settle ok"..... the list goes on. But the one thing that we have both said that we do not want, is, to get years down the line and say " I wish we had done it". Life is too short for "what if`s". Only you and your family can make the decision, but you need to look at how your life will be affected if you just ignore your dreams. Will you feel like you are settling for second best? We have never been to Australia, have no friends or family over there and so are making a HUGE step. Life is there for the taking and the niggling reasons for you wanting to emigrate to Oz will always be there, the question is, can you igore them?

Good luck in your decision.

Sharon x x x :)

Re: What would you do?
 

What Sharon said :) Sums it up for us too. Only my 18 year old is staying here, but he's a big lad and very sensible so I have little problem with it. Not to say I won't miss him, but I'm only a phone call away and he has his birth Dad to look out for him

Re: What would you do?
 

Crikey mate I really dont know what to say, only that I hope you find a solution.

Dont want to cast more negativity but dont you have to submit your visa application before you are 45?? that is what we were told as my partner is 45. So even if you were to go ahead you would be cutting it fine.

Good luck :)

Re: What would you do?
 

This is indeed a hard one but at the kids age they just have to accept what mum and dad say.

I understand the age thing. Personally I'd look at sydney, melbourne (more opportunites) or Auckland NZ (lot more IT demand there and some of it gets you priority points).

maybe the way to go would be to apply for visa (though 3k uk pounds seems a huge rip off)

Try: www.dimia.gov.au
Or www.govt.nz (and look for links)

Keep some assets ie house and bring enough to sustain for a few months to a year. You can always go back to your home that way. Also try to get a sabbatical/leave of absence from work.

Don't cut ties with UK, suspend them is better until you have sussed/sorted things out.

Also check out these sites:

http://jobsearch.gov.au

www.worksite.govt.nz

www.kiwicareers.govt.nz

www.maxcoaching.com.au/employment.html

www.stuff.co.nz

www.workingin.com (has jobs in nz and oz)

Im a bit pissed so i hope i got those addresses right, if not PM me.

You have a lot where you are, just tread cautiously so you don't get to a point where you lose more than you are comfortable with

Hope it all works for you :)

Re: What would you do?
 

Follow you heart but don't live to regret any decision you make. We are not here on a practise run and before you know it you could be 10 years further down the line.
My Husband and I talked about this years ago but because my Parents lived so close to us we did not follow it through, I wish we had now as my Parents moved abroad last year and we are still here, in this VERY COLD place.
What ever you decision I would like to wish you and your family all the best for the future.

Re: What would you do?
 

So even if you were to go ahead you would be cutting it fine.

Good luck :)[/QUOTE]


There you go possams has said it all!

Quick what are you waiting for? Be like us and worry about it later :) :D

Re: What would you do?
 

Have to agree with the other posters. Talk to your wife about it. When we first looked at leaving Canada, we said we would try it for 5 years. If we were unhappy at the end of our 5 years then we would come back. I'm 43 and hubby is 39. How much longer do we have to do the things that we want to do? Our kids also did not want to go at first, but in time they came around to the idea and now are as excited as we are. (Not to mention that we basically told them that this is how it is. When they are 18 and old enough to decide for themselves then they can come back to Canada if they want.) Work something out with your kids that if they want to go back to UK for uni then they can. They are still young enough that they will adapt to life in Oz and probably will not want to leave.
It is a very big step for anyone to leave their home and family for a new place. I can certainly understand your wife and kids' fear, because we all have gone through the same emotions. The only thing is that if you are going to apply, you best be getting that process started. Once July rolls around it will be too late for skilled emigration.

Re: What would you do?
 

this is my opinion which probably doesn't count for much. i would go hell for leather to get the visa and validate it. by doing so it will give you 5 years to make the final decision. if you don't get the visa you WILL always wonder what if. i know it could be a costly exerciser for something that you never use but do you want to take the chance?
i think you will regret not getting the visa more than if you do get it and never use it.
this is a decision that only you can make but unfortunately you it's not one that you can afford to put off. you could always start the process even if you chose part way throw to put an end to it.

good luck and all the best sparks124.

Re: What would you do?
 

Hello,

With two kids aged 2 and 5 months I can safely say that they don't have any say in our decision to go but having been a teenager myself I also know that what I said I would do with my life at 13 was sure a lot different to what I wanted at 15 and then again at 17 when I finished school! Aside from any doubts on their behalf, is there any particular reason you are going to wait until they finish secondary school before going out? I did all my studies Up to degree level) in Australia and have never had problems getting a job in the UK with my Australian quals.

Have any of your family been to Perth? Might it be an idea to do a recce/holiday over there with the whole family to see what they think about it before they make any decisions. Photos are great but they aren't the best way to give someone an idea of the look and feel of a place. Having friends over there is an even better excuse to get there (and should help bring down costs if they are willing to put you up for at least part of your holiday). If you went in March/April or October/November you'd get a good feel for the place and it would be cheaper to go, flights wise (assuming your kids could get the time off school/didn't have exams etc). Then when you come back you'd have a better idea of whether they want to go or not.

i do think that it's understandable that some people would find a leap like that into the unknown (assuking the rest of the family haven't been) very difficult to make without having been there themselves. I personally would love a leap like that but i can understand why others would find it tough.

Good luck with the dream!

Michelle

Re: What would you do?
 

WHat would I do? Well, I would look at what a life in Perth would offer and see if that matches up to the lifestyle and quality of life that I want. What makes up your quality of life is unique to you - you need to think about what you want aside from warm weather, because warm weather alone is not going to make you and your family happy. However, it may pave the way for doing different things in your life, so look at what you want to achieve. I know it only takes one visit or a photograph or a video to whet your appetite, but you also need to consider if these things are representative of 'real' day-to-day life in Australia. Don't just look at emigrating as gaining sunshine - you will be losing a lot too (and so will your wife and children). Only you can work out if the gains outweigh the losses.

There are economic factors to consider, so you are right to think about your income/outgoings. I know you're only 45 but if you are thinking of going in 5 years , how long then before you then want to retire, and can you afford to be out of the job market for several months as a new migrant?

Good luck anyway - I'm sure you've got much more soul-searching to do!

Re: What would you do?
 

Go for visa, validate with (extended) family holiday and then you have your options open still..

Otherwise you will end up resenting everyone.

Re: What would you do?
 

well, you havent been in Oz since 1982 and i can imagine if you have had the idea, the urge to have a life in Oz since then, its pretty serious stuff .......I realise you have a family to consider but on the other hand its your life as well.......

You say, you have a pretty good life, very little wishes except you are sick of the miserable cold weather..Have you really made up your mind to actually live in Australia or is it just a dream you have?? something you think you want??.......I would say compromise.....Go find out what you want and spend a month or maybe more over there by yourself.........See if after all this time you still want to be part of it; your wife should be able to give you that freedom..........If the answer is yes......another compromise with the kids........come with us until you are old enough to return to Scotland and look after yourself......it would only be for a few years......another couple of years and they are off to uni or at work.......It seems a pity to waste valuable years for kids who wont consider what you want and only what they want.......and who will be independent in a few years......

Because what then ? after they are out of the house and you are left behind with your dream, still living in cold and rainy scotland wishing you would have been brave enough to make the move??

Re: What would you do?
 

I love it when there's a post which sums up exactly what I'm thinking, cos it makes you realise that you're not mad/alone/the only confused one, etc!
That's what we've decided - go for it and okay if we never use visa for any reason (Family illness/schooling/job promotions/whatever...) then at least we can't sit there in 10 years when our kids have decided to go off to Oz and say "I wish..." or "What if..."
At the moment we are awaiting TRA response and (if we get that AND Dimia also say Yes) are thinking of keeping house here, renting it outand going for a year/18months so that we can either come back to what we had before or sell up and make it permanent if everyone is happy. We're lucky enough to have the chance to go for a visa (no doubt a huge percentage of the country would love to but for various reasons can't) so we ought to give it a go shouldn't we?! :)

Re: What would you do?
 

when some one asks a question like the original poster has then you have to be subjective. i know we can all say what we would do, but we are not in the situation with all the facts and what will suit us will not suit someone else. with the original post were there is apprehension with other family members as well as tight time restrictions then everything has to be done to try and please everyone. this is often difficult to achieve, but when the time commitment in this case you have to try and buy as much as possible. you can only do this buy getting the visa enabling them to gain an extra five years before any further commitment one way or the other.
all the best to everyone in a similar situation.

Re: What would you do?
 

I would wait until I was so sure about my decision (whether "I'll emigrate" or "I won't emigrate") that I didn't feel the need to consult anyone about it. :)

Re: What would you do?
 

honest answer?? sounds like you and your family have different objectives ie want to live in different places. Rarely does dragging a familiy who dont want to go to OZ work. I assume your family are your most important consideration, so why not get the whole family together and take a 2006 look at australia, my guess and the changes ive seen since 2000 would say its nothing like your 1982 memories. Look at jobs/ house priaces/cost of living/ what it may hold for your childrens futures rather than seaworld and the beaches, base costs on your likely aus income. After that you may have a more up to date opinion and at least the rest of the family would have something to base their decisons on.

Re: What would you do?
 

[QUOTE=karter1]I live in the North East of Scotland (born & bred), with my wife, son (nearly 15) and daughter (13). I have a good job as an IT Manager, a very good quality of life, the family are really happy and I have very little to complain about except..... I hate the cold, miserable weather & virtually hibernate for 6 months of the year. Even the summer weather is depressing, apart from the long daylight hours we get here.

Hi Karter.
That could have been written by myself other than the age difference. My wife did not want to go either 4 years ago but she now feels different.
My children are 3 and 5 so that is not a problem and I do not understand the problem you are experiencing with your own children.
Like yourself I have a good life in the U.K but am fed up with the weather, e.g being stuck in for 6 months of the year (being generous at that). Many people think the U.K is a shithole and there are many things I and others don`t like but lets not start another BE rant on that, in the main I like the U.K.
Wherever you go I am convinced that you will soon gripe over the chosen countrys ways.
Like yourself I thought about the process and it would have cost me around £3000 by the end of the year to know if I could get in or not. For me it will be £3K well spent even if I dont go/ get in, at least at 60/70 I will have satisfied my own questions such as what if?. I bet 2 weeks in Spain for 4 costs a total of around £3K so it is f*** all in real terms.
Your life can be turned upside down within 24 hours and I am not talking about some financial upset many deem a disaster- so you go for it and if you don`t go - well you know.
:)

Re: What would you do?
 

I think that I would plan a long family holiday - next summer (UK), our winter and see what you all think. I would also do all the groundwork for the assessment. If you don't get that you won't be going anywhere easily.

You are going by what you thought over 20 years ago. Perth and all of Aus has changed dramatically in that time.

If you come out on holiday but do loads of work whilst you're here, speaking to agencies, colleges, looking at housing and areas, you might decide it's not for you afterall.

If you all decide you do like it, if you pass the assessment, you can then make a realistic decision.

You will also have to see if people will employ you when you are 50 odd.

Everyone has their reasons for migrating out here, purely because of the weather is probably not the best one I have heard.

Re: What would you do?
 

A good reply but I disagree with the weather bit. You are right it should not be the only reason to emmigrate the same as the "big" house should not be. The weather is a major factor here for me and has been for years. I am happy go lucky and a positive person but I get positively pissed off through the winter.
I took my 2 boys and 2 nieces bowling yesterday because thats about all you can do when its cold in the U.k and it cost me £40.00 which was only for 2 hours after all. Last weekend my boys were fighting all day on Saturday so I said on Sunday we would go to Willen lake which is fantastic on a nice day, it was freezing and many other parents were there just trying to get the kids out and do their best.
Thw weather affects your life greatly in the U.K for at least 7/8 months of the year and in my opinion that is long enough to make you unhappy and a good enough reason to go.
I have heard about the days in Oz when its too hot to go out but how many months of the year does that add up to - I bet its not 7/8. :)

Re: What would you do?
 

The weather is very important to me, I am quite ill in cold weather. But my point was that there didn't seem too much in the way of other reasons for wanting to move abroad from the OP. Or at least none that he mentions.

Re: What would you do?
 

Everyone on these forums knows I'm big advocate for Australia - but sometimes, when you read posts like this, you need to put all the relocation stuff aside and consider the basic facts as you've presented them.

Your children don't want to go, and you've made no indication that you wish to force them to go. That's your deal-breaker right there. If your kids were on-side then your wife would be on-side and you'd be on the phone to the migration agent. So - if you go you risk breaking up an otherwise happy family, with an excellent quality of life, based on some fond memories you have of Australia from over 20 years ago. We all have dreams, but if pursuing one leads to the break-up of an otherwise happy family, then sometimes they're not worth pursuing.

In the short term there are a couple of things you can do. First - go on holiday to Australia with the whole family (and, pardon my French, but **** the cost). This clears up a couple of things - it lets your family see a little of the country you're asking them to move 12,000 miles round the planet to - and it lets you see if the Perth you remember from '82 is the same as Perth '06 (I suspect not).

If when you get back from checking out Australia it still appeals to you and/or your kids decide it's not actually some Soviet gulag you're wanting to move them to - then your path forward is clear. If not, then you're going to have to consider other options. I've read too many posts on the Moving Back forum to know that these things rarely work out well when one partner isn't keen on the idea. If you work your arse off for the next 10 years or so - build up a nice nest-egg and pay off the mortgage, then there's nothing stopping you retiring there - I suspect that's probably your best bet unless you can get those you love to come round to your way of thinking.

Re: What would you do?
 

karter1


Hi my friend

In your particular situation there is no easy answer.I can understand all the what if's that are running through your mind.This is a life long dream you've had and its not easy to let go of them,especially when you believe in your heart it would improve the quality of your family's life. So in many ways it would be ashame to not experience living in a warmer climate and having this adventure while you're still relatively young.


You are obviously a good family man to consider the opinions of your wife & children. Many bread winners would simply say we are moving to Australia because dad can provide a better life for the family and we are not taking a vote.I personally think its important to weigh the effects moving would have on the wife especially. If she is on board with the idea then I would find a marketing approach to sell the idea to the kids. Children tend to adjust better than we adults in many situations.They will ultimately fall in love with being able to enjoy the beaches and out door activity once given the chance.


Its scary for most people to move so far away who are settled in to their routine. Might be a good idea to take the whole family on vacation to OZ first, so they all can understand the up sides of moving there. At 45,as long as your wife is on board with your decisions, you must think about those things which are important to you.Your children can not decide your life for you.At some point they will be out the house living their own lifes and you could, or might regret not having gone after your dream.


Compromise is a wonderful concept provided there are acceptable options. If affordable some people in your situation would opt to buy a summer house in OZ,Spain or Florida which could be a great solution .Maybe not exactly what you planned but not a bad investment and certainly would ease the pain of dealing with year long cold weather.


I must say your situation have scared many guys from getting married because they fear losing their right to live where they want.I met the perfect woman in many respects,she had very few down sides except for one. She wanted to live her life in a little town in the middle of no where near her family, and that for me was the deal breaker. You are in a great situation whether you stay put or follow your dream because your wife is on board.Just got to sit the kids down and explain to them how important this dream is to dad and tell them if they want to go back to the UK for university years later you'll support their decision.I'm in my early 40's and know too well that its important to achieve those goals now, that are best enjoyed while age is a factor.

Best of luck

Tell us what you decide











I live in the North East of Scotland (born & bred), with my wife, son (nearly 15) and daughter (13). I have a good job as an IT Manager, a very good quality of life, the family are really happy and I have very little to complain about except..... I hate the cold, miserable weather & virtually hibernate for 6 months of the year. Even the summer weather is depressing, apart from the long daylight hours we get here.

I went to Perth on a 4 month working holiday in early 1982 and wanted to emigrate a few years later but my wife wouldn't consider it. Over the years it's been hard to suppress my "Aussie dream" but it has got easier in recent times. I just had to accept it was not meant to be and realise how lucky we are to have what we've got. However, I am the type who is rarely contented and always looking for "greener grass". Things flared up again when my best friend & his wife returned last December for a visit after emigrating to Perth over a year ago. After hearing how much they love it there, seeing their photos and videos, plus my own recollections of my time there, it got me going again! My friend suggested I call the agent he used to find out what's possible. I did and was told I could get a 139 visa if I got a successful RPL assessment from the ACS.

On New Years Day I discussed with my wife about emigrating after the kids finish secondary education in a few years. To my amazement she said "go for it!" As I am 45 in July and having a RPL to do, I figured it best to use an agent. After lots of research (mainly here on BE) and negotiations I selected an agent. The total cost for our visa application, including meds will be about £3000. However, after discussing with the kids, they both said there was no way they would go to Aus now or in the future. In turn my wife says she wont go if the kids don’t. In addition, I discovered lots of negativity about Australia on BE and I have now taken off the rose tinted glasses. Therefore I decided to abandon my visa plans back in early February but after a week my mood was "down" so I resurrected things again, did more research, soul searching, discussing, etc but the outcome was the same - abandon. Again I couldn't let go and my mood suffered so I have resurrected things again for a final time in the hope that I can make a decision one way or another and be content.

My head is saying don't waste time and money trying to get a visa that, in the current and foreseeable circumstances, will not be used. My heart is saying try and get the visa to give options for the future - the kids might change their minds, I might lose/loath my job or get even more depressed about the weather, etc. Even if we were to emigrate as a family in say 5 years (Perth or Brisbane area), would I get a decent job at 50, would we enjoy life there with less equivalent income, how long before a family member wants to return home and the rest follow? If things remain the same as they are now then is giving up what we've got worth all the stress, upheaval and cost for some extra sunshine, experiences and uncertainty? It's all very well to say "just go for it" but when you are making life changing decisions that affect the whole family because you are the only one that's unsettled, it's very hard!

What would you do? :confused:[/QUOTE]

Re: What would you do?
 

Hats off to Hutch and YankeemovingAbroad, for a couple of bloody good posts. :cool:

Re: What would you do?
 

Vash the Stampede

Hi Vash.Certainly not a easy decision.Hopefully he will think long term.Usually works best.






Hats off to Hutch and YankeemovingAbroad, for a couple of bloody good posts. :cool:[/QUOTE]

Re: What would you do?
 

Nice post but must take issue with that paragraph - what sort of neandethals do you know :eek: Can honestly say I can't think of anyone in this day and age who would come out with such a statement to their family, well not if they want to hang on to their wedding tackle anyway ;)

Re: What would you do?
 

Hi moneypen20

I was referring to the kids being told where to move not the wife.




Nice post but must take issue with that paragraph - what sort of neandethals do you know :eek: Can honestly say I can't think of anyone in this day and age who would come out with such a statement to their family, well not if they want to hang on to their wedding tackle anyway ;)[/QUOTE]

Re: What would you do?
 

Thanks everyone for taking the time to give me your opinions - many valid points. However, just like the U2 song - "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" :confused: :)

Re: What would you do?
 

KArter1 - just left you a PM

Re: What would you do?
 

Been thinking about this some more, now that the thread's been bumped up...

Obviously you cannot simply make a decision without taking your family's views into account. You've been to Australia, but it doesn't sound like they have - perhaps fear of the unknown is part of the problem?

Like Hutch, I suggest a reccie trip for the whole family. I know it's a horrendously expensive option, but it might just turn out to be the difference between (a) living in limbo (which you're clearly not enjoying) and (b) settling the matter once and for all.

At the worst, it would just be an expensive holiday, with your wife and kids preferring to remain in the UK; at best, it could be the point at which your wife and kids change their mind and agree to take the plunge Down Under.

Either way, you'd be able to say that you and your family had made a truly informed decision.

Best of luck with it all. :)

Re: What would you do?
 

Karter, we were lucky in that both my wife and I wanted to go to Oz. We have 3 kids and the eldest is 10 (the other 2 are 7 & 4). He was dead against the idea of going, as he had just started to become involved with a group of friends at his school.
It's taken us 4 years and a few grand to get our visas sorted. When we got them it felt great. Unfortunatly our house sale fell through and left us having to validate in January this year. Here comes the cruncher.
It was the BEST thing that could have happened to us.The kids all loved the place, especially the 10 year old. we visited schools, shopping centres, beaches, and one or two touristy places.
At the end of the day, if you can spare the money apply for the visa. Worse casr scenario, you don't use it. At all costs visit Australia with the family. Our 3 week trip, cutting no corners, but without being ridiculous with our money cost around 7000 GBP. Worth it for the peace of mind alone. If that doesn't persuede them to give it a try, I'm afraid it wasn't for you. Good luck.

Re: What would you do?
 

What a horrible situation to find yourself in.
I honestly think your Oz working holiday is haunting you....But why? maybe it was just the change you enjoyed!
Yes it would be nice to live in permanent sunshine with plenty of options to
venture outside the house.
We don't have that in the UK and most of our recreational activity is based on wether it rains or not that day!
It's a shame your children are not keen on the idea, but I suppose they think they are getting a short straw (leaving all thier mates behind) and thats probably all it is for them at that age...
If I were you and money is not a problem I would just apply for my Visa of my own back (maybe even keep it secret) and if they say Yes and Grant it, then you and the family need to make a decision, otherwise if the answer is NO, you have no decision to make: End of Story........

Re: What would you do?
 

What would you do? :confused:[/QUOTE]

I would sit down with your wife and work out whether you are prepared to risk losing £3000. If you are prepared then go for the visa as then you will have the option to go. The whole visa process will take the best part of a year (or at least 6 months) and things may have changed by then, family may feel more like going.........or perhaps not, but you will have the option.

If you all decide to go for it then, try to rent out your house rather than sell it and speak to your boss to see whether he/she would be happy to have you back if things don't work out (honesty sometimes pays well).

Put your CV forward to all the recruitment agencies in Oz before you leave the UK and then say to yourselves that you will give it a year and if it doesn't work out, you will still have a home (and maybe a job) to come back to.

I remember the time I fell in love with Australia, I was 11, we were driving through beautiful countryside near Manly (Sydney) and Dad said "hey kids, you were nearly born here". You can imagine our dissapointment. The feeling has never quite left me, even though like you, I tried to forget it. I worry that I might not like it when I actually live there, but I know I have to give it a try!

Good luck

Cheers :)