smiling4

you're family announce, if you emigrate, we will never see you again, as we couldn't afford to come out!

Hi
thanks for reading. Fairly new to this site.....I like to sit and read what everyones got to say.....been thinking and actively looking to emigrate for a number of years now. Due to circumstances didn't go back in 2002, (not to Oz)but the dreams have never gone away.......recently been thinking about it more and although nothing major happened, I got told by my mum last week that things are on the decline in Oz, (quote my uncle, who lives there and a national paper)crime etc....when I mentioned this in front of my sister she said well she probably said it as she doesn't want you to go cos we would never see you again as neither of us could afford to ever come out!
Ouch! It was the way it was said too and when I think I haven't taken any major steps yet,(got alot of them to take prior to anyway) just thinking, and get that blurted at me, it makes me wonder......I appreciate that going could be difficult for everyone, but I have to think of my family and what would be best for them.........am I being totally selfish? sorry to waffle on!

Be gentle! LOL!

Wendy

My brother more or less said the same thing to me, although to be fair to him he didn't say it to make me feel bad, as he said I think you are doing the right thing. Well I've just been on the phone to him now and he's booked his flight over here, he's coming in June with my son.

You have to live your life for you, not your parents, siblings, friends or anyone else. If you didn't apply, or at least give it a go because of something they said or did then eventually you would start resenting them. If you ask me, they are the ones being selfish

Just tell them how else are they going to get cheap holidays to Oz

steandleigh

OK:

Do what you want to do/ no-one can live your life for you/ they are only saying it because they are jealous/etc/etc

Can you gather by now that this topic has come up a million times on this forum? (Not undermining your situation at all though)

There are an awful lot of us who have gone through the emotional blackmail stuff....

They do it because they love you and they will miss you and mark my words....

THEY WILL BE 1ST ON THE FLIGHTS TO COME AND SEE YOU!!!!

Ignore it, make your plans and live your life for you.

TheBaillies

hi, one of my friends told me she wouldn't see me again cause she didn't fancy such a long flight. Her hubby has them booked on the flight after us! She has since decided that she will be coming to visit us. My advice is ignore it. They don't say these things because they literally mean them, they say it as an attempt to change your mind. They hope that you wont go, because it doesnt suit them. If it suits you then you should do it. Others will be sad because they will miss you but being of a less selfish nature will wish you all the best because they want what is best for you. When people try to discourage/ black mail you emotionally it doesn't make them a bad person it is just down to the type of personality they have, and how they deal with change. You are causing a change in their life which is outwith their control and some people find it very difficult. Try to be sympathetic but stand by the decisions you have made. It will help if you do all your research and make sure you have made up your mind and can list the reasons for your decision before you start telling people about your plans. That way their comments will have a lesser effect on you.

Sorry to go on and on but hope this helps you out a bit. It is a very difficult situation to go through when you are facing such a big event in your life and your support network has weak points.

Eileen xx

smiling4

thanks to you both! I know it happens to everyone, think I was just shocked at how blunt it was said!
anyway really appreciate your comments and will go on doing what I need to do for myself and my family!! Selfishly or not! LOL!

thanks again

MurphFam

We went through this 18 years ago and ended up actually coming back after a year - on the day that we left England my OH's father actually locked himself in the lounge and wouldn't come out! He found it very difficult to deal with. As I say we've been back here 18 years now and are now applying again and will definitely go out this time and only have our own interests at heart, ie, us and our two kids. It is hard but you need to do what's best for you and yours. My parents left to live in Spain a couple of years ago and although I miss them I know they did what's right for them. My sister went to live in Melbourne last year and I missed her terribly but she is so happy and I know that she has done the right thing. In fact we have spoken more now what with MSN, e-mail, webcams - didn't have that 18 years ago!!

We came back the last time for all the wrong reasons and I know we won't make that mistake this time around!! Now that I'm older and wiser!!!

stacey31

I believe that you should do what you have to do, try and you succeed GREAT, or try and if it isnt what you thought it was going to be come back, but either way you have done something rather than just dreaming and wondering what if!!!

hope it helps

Shaun&Dee

I would go for it. They might just be trying to put you off and then when you tell them you are actually doing it they may be supportive. Otherwise you will always wonder...

As the saying goes 'better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all'

Good luck.

wheatsheaf42

Speaking as a parent of a 25yo daughter here..she has told me she is intending to give up her work- as a graphic designer in a prestigious London organisation- travel round the world for a year and end up in Oz and hopefully work there. Having read this forum for a while I pointed her in the direction of the information about visas and printed them off for her to apply for a temp working visa and read up on the options. She can get in as a skilled person if she wants.
Personally I wish I were her age and had her get up and go.

Anyway as far as I am concerned so long as she is safe, happy and well that's fine by me. Getting to Oz via strange places across India and the far east are a worry but so long as she knows the risks that's that. Miss her? Course, but I only get to see her every month or two in any case and she can get on email or phone if she has the urge. Anyway daddy will be out there now and again for a base for long holidays if it happens. Don't know what her mum thinks ( we separated 20 years ago and only meet once a year at Xmas) as I haven't asked her yet but I expect she will be as supportive as yours truly. It will be happy tears, if any, for us.

Alana and Arrons mum

Hi,
We have had the same thing said to us and it is really awful when you have huge decisions to make anyway.We have 2 children and my MIL rang my hubby crying and begging us to stay.We were gutted and it has made things tough.It hasnt helped our relationship with her either:she will not even discuss things with us.We plan to leave in 12 weeks and I hope things improve.
I feel more anxious about my parents though,who have supported us 100 %.I have felt very selfish ,but I am doing this for MY family who are ultimately my priority.
I think the in laws will come out though,and plan to ask them out for christmas-watch this space!
Good luck and go for it!
Andy

Dorothy

Although it's nice for all of you to say that parents just say this because they are either jealous or they are hurt, that's not always the case. Both of our parents told us that same thing and we both know it's true. My father is 87 years old and my mother is 82. There is no way they could either afford the flights or survive them. From Toronto to Adelaide is a 30 hour journey in a cramped airplane seat, which my father with 2 artificial knees could not make. My mother in law (although we don't wish to see her anyway) has had both legs amputated and could also never do the flight. I'm sure if her husband helped her she could manage most of it, but he never brought her to ours when we lived 15 minutes away, so couldn't imagine him bringing her 30 hours. One of my sisters has lived in Brisbane for 22 years and the only company she's ever had were friends who came over about 15 years ago. None of my family realistically can afford to come to Australia, so when they say they won't be here, then they won't be here.
I don't mean to sound like I'm whining because I'm not. The decision to come here was ours, knowing that if we ever wanted to see our families again it would be up to us. Please weigh in your own mind whether you can live with not having family come to visit. You certainly can go back for visits if it's financially possible, so it's not like you won't see them again. It's just that they won't be coming to you.
Hope I didn't ramble on, just wanted to give an alternate view of the "don't worry" posts.

Alana and Arrons mum

My mum is profoundly disabled and wont be able to visit and i have had many sleepless nights about our decision to move.
It hurts though, when you get the negativity from people who dont really have a legitimate reason not too visit.Its a hard enough decision to make without the added guilt from friends and relatives.

busterboy

Very, very tough!

Vash the Stampede

Tell them politely that you have your own life to live, and you're old enough to make your own decisions.

GinaUK

Somebody else on here posted two or three days ago how before they left for Oz her mother had said she would never come and visit (and she apparently said lots of mean things as well). They have now lived in Oz for three years. Guess who is coming to visit then this summer .... the mother.

Obviously, if you relatives are disabled then visitng may not be an option. But if they are in good health, I'd just be patient ...

As for flight costs: I was reading recently that Singapore Airlines are now thinking of starting up a "no-frills" service from the UK to Oz and back. Return flights for £300.

Gina

P.S. My MIL has also said she'll never visit - but we're still moving to Oz.