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What do we do now????

What do we do now????

Old Mar 13th 2019, 4:55 pm
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Default What do we do now????

Hello everyone,

our son, who will be 15 in June, has now started saying he doesnt want to move back to Australia. We moved to Australia when he was 7 and we came back to UK when he was 9.

We have said we will buy a house with a pool, get a dog as he has wanted one for a long time and was very happy to move back.
He has a friend he has grown up with at nursery, pre school, primary and secondary school. They have drifted on and off with there friendship and his friend never invites him round to his parents house, and my son is always asking him to come out or meet up at weekends, but theres always an excuse.

Now that my sons friend is making a bit more effort, they are talking about when they will be 17 and have passed there driving tests, they cant wait to drive around together etc.... Whilst i find this very sweet and mature, I know what kids are like and can and will fall out with each other. I have friends in Australia who did the move when one of there kids was around 17/18, she hated it at first but nkw absolutely loves it and would never go back to UK, only to see family etc....

I have wanted to move back to Australia for ages now and have been very patient, but now faced with this dilema, i honestly do not know what to think!! Am i being selfish and forcing him to go or do I just crack on with it?

When we lived in Australia before, he was in primary school and didnt really like it and didnt make that many friends, but he is much older now and will not be long before he goes into employment. Although our move back to UK was for family reasons, not because he didnt like primary school back then. We did such a lot more in Australia and he loved it.

Please help, has anyone been or is in this situation!! I'm starting to feel desperate.

I dont want to not go for the sake of my sons friendship with his mate and regret it for the rest of my life, especially if his mate was ever to move away and get married etc.....I will then be the one who has to live with my decision for the rest of my life, like I'm sure other people have.

Thanks so much.
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Old Mar 13th 2019, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: What do we do now????

Leave him to do his GCSEs and A levels and head off. Perhaps he could stay with family or even friends that you trust. He can pop over to visit you for holidays. It’s not really a great time to move kids anyway - continuity of education is quite sensible at this age then when he’s at a natural transition point he can make the choice about whether he goes further in U.K. or Australia. I assume you got citizenship for him before you left? He would still probably have a good case for a RRV even if he stayed until the end of school if he doesn’t have citizenship.
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Old Mar 13th 2019, 7:42 pm
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Default Re: What do we do now????

Hi Quoll, thank you for your reply.

Our plan is to do the move next year after he has left school. He is a citizen by descent through me. We are about to apply for my husbands RRV but my sons comments at present are making me uneasy and not sure what to do. We couldnt possibly go without him him, not at his young age, I could never do that..
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Old Mar 13th 2019, 8:12 pm
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Default Re: What do we do now????

I would sooner chop an arm off with a rusty saw than move my daughter even to a different school, never mind internationally, any time from here onwards - she is 12. I know others disagree, and say that "kids are resilient", but being a teenager is crazy enough, with hormones, education, transitioning to work or higher education, and so ripping them away from their friends at this time just doesn't seem like a very good idea if avoiding it is humanly possible.

That's my 2c.

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Old Mar 13th 2019, 8:21 pm
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Default Re: What do we do now????

You need to sit down and try to have a good chat together if you haven't already done so.
At 17 he is on the cusp of his independence. Many kids leave home at 18/20 and start out . He isn't that far off this.
Likely it may not be so much about his pal but more about how he presently sees his life panning out. What he enjoys. what is on his horizons.
He just doesn't see Oz as you do ATM. It is a childhood memory, not that of a young man.

What are his plans for after school and exams? Uni?

This is a cleft stick for you really. A no win.
You can head on out without him having set him up perhaps with extended family and see if he feels the pull to Oz .
You can force him to Oz only to have him leave for the UK at the first possible chance.



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Old Mar 14th 2019, 4:29 am
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Default Re: What do we do now????

Originally Posted by OZZYOZZY View Post
Hi Quoll, thank you for your reply.

Our plan is to do the move next year after he has left school. He is a citizen by descent through me. We are about to apply for my husbands RRV but my sons comments at present are making me uneasy and not sure what to do. We couldnt possibly go without him him, not at his young age, I could never do that..
If he is a citizen then that makes everything easier as he can move whenever he wants to, IF he wants to.
You say you would not leave him in the UK at hos young age.....well obviously some 17 year olds are more mature than others, but there are thousands of kids that age who have to look after themselves. Are there no relatives he could stay with if he doesn't want to move when you do? As one who was forced to break the apron strings at 16 and spent my last three years at school lodging with various friends, I can assure you that kids that age are very resiliant and resourceful when they have to be.
Even if he moves with you, within a couple of years he's going to be living his own live, regardless of what you are doing then, so you need to think ahead and plan for your own lives.

I had a friend back in the days when I was first thinking of moving here. She was also in the UK, had three kids, oldest one was 15. They did a reccie to Aus and the 15 year old then refused to emigrate. So the family scrapped all their plans and stayed n the UK. AT the age of 18, 3 years later, he came to Aus and NZ on a WHV. 15 years later he is still in NZ, never went home. The family had lost their chance to move just because they let him dictate their future, and my friend bitterly regrets listening to his tantrums.
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Old Mar 16th 2019, 12:42 am
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Default Re: What do we do now????

Staying in the UK for continuity of education, is valid. Staying because your 15 year old has a mate he runs hot and cold with, is not.

Though keep in mind at age 15/16 a lot of Australian kids pick up and move to completely different settings - things like going to ag school, leaving the government system for the private one in Year 11, etc - so at least here it is not entirely unusual if not necessarily ideal. A lot of schools in the regions only go up to Year 10 and require a move to a boarding school for Years 11 and 12 . . .

I would put forward a suggestion - take advantage of the different calendar years for the schools, come for a visit during the UK summer and enrol your son for a week or two in what will be your local school here for a "try out." Explain to the school beforehand that this is what you are doing - these arrangements do happen (usually just for a day or two though, but they can't stop you from enrolling if that is your 'local' school, but most schools will be supportive anyways). This way your son can get his head around the new place and have more information to see how he feels about it.

Further to that - what are your plans for when you get here? The Australian economy is not like it was when you left. If you struggle to find work (or find it harder than you anticipated) - that extra stress and tension might be like adding tinder to the fire. Carefully weigh the pros and cons of doing this now vs just waiting two or three more years. You are a citizen so there is no real time crunch.
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Old Mar 16th 2019, 1:34 am
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Default Re: What do we do now????

Wait until he’s 18 and let him decide. If he’s off to uni in the UK then it’ll make little difference.
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