What do I do
 

We've only been here 7 weeks but it feels like 7 months! My husband seems to be settling in and my kids love their school but I just don't get it! We live about 7 minutes away from the beach which my husband and kids love but i'm not a keen beach goer as I have a fear of water! I really miss my family and friends more than I could ever imagine. I havn't told anybody how i'm feeling but I really just don't want to be here. Its a lovely place and all that but I just want to go home, I know I havn't given it much chance really, i'm starting to wonder whether I really did want to take the plunge and actually move here in the first place. I've just found out that I am pregnant which probably isn't helping with my state of mind either. What do I do??!! :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Re: What do I do
 

Its normal to miss family and friends but i think you need to give it a least six months. But talk to your hubby and let him no how your feeling. Being pregnant cant be easy especially when your away from your familly. We are moving to Aus in 18 months but im used to moving around due to my husband being in the forces. Ive often had to move away from familly and my sister just moved to new zealand. We've got a web cam and speak on skype regularly. Its difficult when you miss people but what about making plans for them to see you for a holiday or you to see them?

Try getting out and finding some positives if you dont like the beach try other activities with the familly away from the water or things you used to do in the UK

Hope things improve for you and good luck with the pregnancy!

Re: What do I do
 

Hi

Your hormones are all over the place anyway so i don't think this is helping your feelings. But like the other poster said talk to your husband about how you feel. You need someone to share this with.

Good luck and hang in there it will get easier :)

Re: What do I do
 

oooooo vik73. it is such a horrible feeling being homesick. the only advice anyone can offer you is this.

If you think you are doing enough to get out there and make friends

if you think you have done enough to try and put these feelings to the back of your mind

then you must talk to you hubby and he might be able to help you. homesickness is lonely enough without not talking to your nearsest and dearest.
give it time. don't be too hard on yourself and most importantly, allow yourself to be happy. when i was homesick i felt that i was being unfair to my old life if i enjoyed my new one. take it for what it is and try to get along being happy.

hope it gets better for you, if not we are all here to try to help :)


Louise

Re: What do I do
 

Homesickness can be hell and it can leave you feeling very depressed, especially when you simply can't get your mind around the negatives to see the positives. Its perfectly normal and telling your OH that you're finding it hard to settle in, may be the tonic that you need. Even if you make light of it, you need to unburden yourself.

Take up cooking new recipes, paint a room, plant some plants, anything to take your mind off how you feel right now and simultaneously make yourself at home.

Hope this helps but am sending you a hug as backup.:thumbsup:

Best of luck.
Cheryl

Re: What do I do
 

Re: What do I do
 

I can't add anything to other people's excellent advice - but congratulations on your pregnancy and lots of ((((hugs)))), I hope things get better for you soon!

Re: What do I do
 

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that.

Hope things pick up for you soon.

Re: What do I do
 

I've been here 4 and a half months and am finding it really tough. I can see all the advantages for the family but sometimes want to scream WHAT ABOUT ME-- I WANT TO GO HOME!! I have promised DH (and myself to some extent) that I will give it 2 years but that just feels like a lifetime away at the moment. I think it's harder because we are so broke (I cant seem to find work) I cant see how we will afford to go back home even for a visit.

All that said, I think it is getting easier. I force myself to go out and meet people and to join groups I would never consider in the UK. I have met some people and friendships are slowly begining to evolve. (I have also had some Horrible experiences -- going to groups and being ignored, put down etc but I try not to take those personally and just put it down to experience) I speak to people everywhere in the hope it might develop into something (my new best friend is the man at our local post office!!!! and although it sounds silly I think the fact that he recognises me and talks to me makes me feel a little more part of the community -- how sad am I????)

I think I feel better today than I did a couple of weeks ago and that the bad days aren't quite as bad as they were.....So there is a glimmer of light at the end of that tunnel -- it just feels a long way off. It has helped talking to my husband. He thinks I mad (no change there) and doesn't understand why I feel like this but I'm the sort of person who just feels worse the more I bottle stuff up....

I hope things work out well for you. Congrats on the little person! I've heard that the mothers groups out here are great so maybe that will be a good way to meet people. Look after yourself and the bump and I really hope things improve for you soon...

Re: What do I do
 

shouldnt you tell your husband for starters

Re: What do I do
 

Rather than an internet forum of complete strangers. Sounds like good advice to me.

Re: What do I do
 

It may be a good idea to share these feelings with your OH, but give yourself some time to come to terms with all the major life changes you have experienced in such a short space of time-its enough to make most people feel that they are not in full control. When we are under stress familiar things are a source of comfort, at the moment you are lacking these, but you still have your OH.

I am a recent arrival here in the Sunshine Coast, although been in Oz 2yrs -didn't feel settled until recently. I too have husband and kids who loved being here immediately. Email me if you want to meet for coffee and a chat. Not sure where you are but I'm sure we can meet half way.

Re: What do I do
 

Congrats on your pregnancy.


Chin up chick, get your shoes on and go meet some people - down the coffee shop, at the park, sign up for a course at the local tech, do something for fun, make yourself feel good and do something for you. You need to make some friends, but it's hard at first, I feel for you. BUT, it's not impossible!!!
Take up all offers of coffee (decaf of course ;) ) and accept all offers of anything... you can weed out the no hopers later on. ;)

There's nothing to 'get'... It's either life here, or life there... the rest is up to you.


Good luck sweetie.

x

Re: What do I do
 

Wow...congratulations on the pregnancy first of. Secondly what you're feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL.......You need to try and take it one day at a time then move onto a week, fortnight etc. Make a very small list each day (one or two things) and try and achieve them. Try to make it something that you didn't do in the UK....If it's a walk along the esplanade (avoiding the water!) or sitting having a cool drink outside in the Autum. Talk to friends and family and above all talk to your hubby. All else fails talk to us!

Cheers
Ginny

Re: What do I do
 

Thanks for all your advice. I know realistically I havn't given myself much time to adjust but this has always been my husbands dream not mine and I now know that i've just been kidding myself and that deep down I never thought it would actually happen, you know upping roots and moving to Oz!
I had a really good life in the uk and thats gonna be hard to top. I've told my husband how i'm feeling but he just got angry with me and said that I hadn't given it enough time, I know this is true and can't blame him for being angry, at the end of the day I am putting a whacking great black cloud over his dream. I don't know what'll be the outcome, i'll give it perhaps a year, then if I still want to go back then I will but I think it will be without my husband.

Re: What do I do
 

Hang on a minute. Just slow down. You've been here 7 weeks. Jaysus, girl, it took me 6 months to start making friends and getting the tiniest inkling of a life that I had in the UK! :lol:

You're laying all your unhappiness at your husband's door. I'm not surprised he's angry with you!!! You've said it is his dream, like you've not been party to coming here at all! :blink:
Did you come here kicking and screaming? Were you forced somehow? Blackmailed into it? Kidnapped? :unsure:
I bet not, because at some point, you agreed to having a go and look at you 2 months down the line... you're angry, you're full of blame and self pity and you need to get real.
You're a team, a marriage and you're partners, yet you're talking about leaving him because he's trying to help you all get a better life?

Ok, reality check... because whilst I am sympathetic to your situation, all I can see is you blaming your OH and making him feel bad, whilst you have some temper strop about how terrible your life is.

If you carry on like this, how do you think your marriage is going to turn out exactly? Trust me when I say I've been there. :unsure:

Granted, there is never ever only one side to things, but unless you're willing to accept responsibility and start accepting why you've suddenly found yourself on the other side of the world, you will be having some very lonely times.

You're only living in a different country for a while. That's all. It's not the end of your life or the world as we know it!
It's just moving house for a bit and changing a few things.
Sure, they might be pretty big changes but this is where you show what you're made of Vik ...
Are you going to be a little girl and sit there and kick your heels on the floor and scream?

Or perhaps you can make the conscious decision to shake up and have a go at something new? :)

At what point didn't you think coming to Australia was not going to happen? When you got your visas? When you packed your house? When you loaded the container? When you went to the airport? When you sat on the plane?
You are an adult. You are part of a partnership. You had ample time to say you didn't want to do this, but you did because you love your husband and you wanted to support his dreams and maybe see if he wasn't onto something good.
That's why you're here.

What you do and how you deal with this is up to you. This moving lark, like marriage, takes effort. If you don't put in, you get nothing back. :lightbulb:

Re: What do I do
 

Hi there

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this but it is acutally nice to hear there are other people out there like me who are really homesick. What we are feeling is normal!!! My husband and I have been here 8 weeks now and I am also home sick. We both had a dream to come over to Oz but when you get here you tend to question if it was the right decision etc as it would be so easy to go back. You leave all of the stability of your life back in the UK and have to start over again so it is normal to want to go back to the easier life in the UK. We have said we will stick it out for 2 years to give it a real go.

We joined a local expat club in Brisbane and went for our first 'meet up' yesterday. It is difficult to get out there and meet people but we are really glad we went. We met some really nice people who are all in a similar situation - we even got an invite for a BBQ next weekend!! I think the key to making it work out here is saying yes to any opportunity - you never know what may come of it.

I also think that you and your husband need to be there for each other. When I am having one of my bad days I always feel so much better after talking to my husband and having a good cry!!

I hope you can stick it out a bit longer!! Good luck!!

Re: What do I do
 

Your thread asks "what do I do?"

First thing is switch the PC off and get out and about, find some clubs / social things / volunteer work - absolutely anything that will get you out of the house and meeting new people.

Making friends is probably one of the most important factors in feeling settled and happy again - OK you wont replace your good UK friends straight away and it does take a while to build good friendships, but even the chance to chat to people outside the home really helps.

Good luck :)

Re: What do I do
 

For the record I do not blame my husband for anything, how I am feeling is totally down to me (although being in the early stages of pregnancy and having the morning sickness from hell isn't helping!) I have always been honest with my husband about my reservations so this is not a huge surprise to him, I have done this for him because I do love him but that doesn't mean its right for me. I'm not ready to jump on a plane back yet I just don't see at the moment that this is where I want to stay. I do know people here and do get out and about but sadly that doesn't help. I hope it doesn't come to me moving back and him staying but at the end of the day you can only do so much and you can't live your life for other people, what you want counts too.

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I know how you feel with the homesickness - me and OH have been here for 6months now and the homesickness hasnt got any better. I want to go home NOW.

I felt left out at Christmas when all the family were together. My SIL gave birth to my new baby nephew yesterday. Me and OH feel so left out.

Dont want to be left out of anything else - we are heading home in October probably for a hol and deciding what to do (i secretly I want to go forever and never come back to brisbane) but thats just wishful thinking.

On a positive note - I have my mum and dad here for three weeks they arrived last sunday. We are both working this week but taking the next two weeks off to explore with them - and show them a few sights and discover new ones with them.

The way I see it is - you only have one life and you have to make it the happiest it can be. If that means moving home - do it. Whats the point in being depressed here.

Re: What do I do
 

Hello,
I really do know how you feel. We moved to Oz years ago at the time I only had my 2 year old son. I could not settle and eventually moved back to the UK. Like yourself it was my husbands dream that I went along with, and he was devastated but supportive.
Everyone told me that I was doing the wrong thing but I did'nt listen.
Now after years of being back in the UK I cannot wait to leave this country.
We are moving back permanently in June this year with my 2 sons. I am so excited and I know that I will make a go of it. It will such a better life for you and the children you really need to hang on. Please I have the t shirt it really is not the right thing to do. The homesickness will get easier, and just say to yourself that your on a long holiday, don't ever think that you can't see your family and freinds in the uk
Hope this helps, please give it more time or you will regret it I know that I regret coming back
Hugs
Janex