What did Australia do to your marriage?
Jun 26th 2007, 1:01 pm
#31
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 732
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
I followed my OH out here thinking that I would give my marriage one last go, see if he had changed. The minute I stepped off the plane, I knew I had made a big mistake. He has had many many issues over the last 10 years and has caused me a lot of sadness and grief. Including losing my home.
I spent the last of my money coming out here and so wish that I hadn't. I want to go home to the UK but can't afford it. I gave up my son,a brilliant job and a flash car (my pride and joy)
to come here. It wasnt worth it.
Lou
I spent the last of my money coming out here and so wish that I hadn't. I want to go home to the UK but can't afford it. I gave up my son,a brilliant job and a flash car (my pride and joy)
to come here. It wasnt worth it.Lou
Jun 26th 2007, 1:33 pm
#32
Cheeky member
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
|Were not married, but hey ho...
We didn't come here to fix anything, we are the same as before, we have our ups and downs, like before...
We didn't come here to fix anything, we are the same as before, we have our ups and downs, like before...
Jun 26th 2007, 1:36 pm
#33
Made the move -
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,910
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
I phoned my sister last night who told me that her mate emigrated with her husband and 'thought' that everything was OK/good in her marriage.
When she arrived there, one of her kids developed epilepsy and her husband over the space of 4 months turned into the most sexist pig ever, leaving her to cope with their poorly child and going to the pub every night with his new mates.
She later returned to the UK with her child and her husband said 'You are on your own mate'. Horrified, she could not believe how someone she thought she knew could change so rapidly.
I find it alarming to read on here about how some people find that their marriages/relationships change dramatically once they have migrated. Some people have mentioned that their husbands appear to have had the sexist attitude of some rub off on to them.
Some people seem to settle straight away and everything works out and I do wonder in cases of where the relationship has deteriorated, were there 'silent signals' prior to leaving the UK, that could have indicated there was a problem but was sort of swept under the carpet in a manner of speaking.
How has Australia affected your relationship - either once you have emigrated or even prior to it, with the build up to moving and the hassle that goes with the visa?
And what advise would you give to those about to make the move?
I am just interested and if I admit, a little nervous because although I think all is well in my world, I would hate to think I am blind to potential problems.
Await replies with interest.
When she arrived there, one of her kids developed epilepsy and her husband over the space of 4 months turned into the most sexist pig ever, leaving her to cope with their poorly child and going to the pub every night with his new mates.
She later returned to the UK with her child and her husband said 'You are on your own mate'. Horrified, she could not believe how someone she thought she knew could change so rapidly.
I find it alarming to read on here about how some people find that their marriages/relationships change dramatically once they have migrated. Some people have mentioned that their husbands appear to have had the sexist attitude of some rub off on to them.
Some people seem to settle straight away and everything works out and I do wonder in cases of where the relationship has deteriorated, were there 'silent signals' prior to leaving the UK, that could have indicated there was a problem but was sort of swept under the carpet in a manner of speaking.
How has Australia affected your relationship - either once you have emigrated or even prior to it, with the build up to moving and the hassle that goes with the visa?
And what advise would you give to those about to make the move?
I am just interested and if I admit, a little nervous because although I think all is well in my world, I would hate to think I am blind to potential problems.
Await replies with interest.
My advice to anyone is if your relationship isnt that strong then think very carefully before putting yourselvces through it, it can be very stressful at the beginning and if there are alreary a few cracks there, then this would make it much worse.
Jun 26th 2007, 1:49 pm
#34
Cheeky member
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
In the Emigrate Challenge DVD it said that migration is usually driven by one partner.
We have discussed it that we are not going to just move back if one of us is not settled because homesickness seems to hit about the 4 month mark and we are going to have to give it longer than that.
I would move back for my husband if he was that unhappy and couldnt imagine leaving him like some have had happen to them.
We have discussed it that we are not going to just move back if one of us is not settled because homesickness seems to hit about the 4 month mark and we are going to have to give it longer than that.
I would move back for my husband if he was that unhappy and couldnt imagine leaving him like some have had happen to them.
4 months! Whoever/wherever you got that from, it's total bollocks!
A friend of our did move back because his wife was unhappy here, they moved back here 9 months later... bought a house, kids settled in school (again) wife decides shes unhappy again, house has been on the market for a couple of months, relationship has dwindled, they are all going back, hubby is unsure what the future holds regarding his marriage, he has to go back, because he loves his kids.
Jun 26th 2007, 1:53 pm
#35
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 8,913
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
A friend of ours buggered off back to UK without her husband. She took the kids and just went. No explanation.
He was devastated. It took him 3 months to forgive her. Then he went back to UK to patch things up. They are happily married now back in UK. But staying in OZ would have killed it.
He was devastated. It took him 3 months to forgive her. Then he went back to UK to patch things up. They are happily married now back in UK. But staying in OZ would have killed it.
Jun 26th 2007, 4:24 pm
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
Plus if you have older kids factor in that they will have just the same sort of emotions
and can ruffle the plans just as much as the adult members of the family.Most kids over about 11 can be very vocal about it, and once they get to 16 they can pretty much do whatever they want about it.
The amount of familes ending up split up with the family in UK but the kid ('s) in OZ or vice versa is alarmingly high. Its a problem that comes up on the MBUK forum time and time again, heartbreaking so discuss first, its easy to overlook what sort of reaction they might have by assuming the kids will love it - many dont.
Jun 26th 2007, 5:01 pm
#37
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
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Posts: 28,176
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
Not true in our case...
4 months! Whoever/wherever you got that from, it's total bollocks!
A friend of our did move back because his wife was unhappy here, they moved back here 9 months later... bought a house, kids settled in school (again) wife decides shes unhappy again, house has been on the market for a couple of months, relationship has dwindled, they are all going back, hubby is unsure what the future holds regarding his marriage, he has to go back, because he loves his kids.
4 months! Whoever/wherever you got that from, it's total bollocks!
A friend of our did move back because his wife was unhappy here, they moved back here 9 months later... bought a house, kids settled in school (again) wife decides shes unhappy again, house has been on the market for a couple of months, relationship has dwindled, they are all going back, hubby is unsure what the future holds regarding his marriage, he has to go back, because he loves his kids.
She can't remove the kids from Australia without his consent.
Jun 26th 2007, 5:10 pm
#38
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
Emigrating has tested our marriage to the limits. We are still together and as stong as ever thankfully.
I am one lucky woman. And of course, hubby is one lucky guy 
I have seen couples split up due to the stress of this. So sad. I think if there are cracks in a marriage, this stress level will widen them.
I am one lucky woman. And of course, hubby is one lucky guy I have seen couples split up due to the stress of this. So sad. I think if there are cracks in a marriage, this stress level will widen them.
Jun 26th 2007, 5:33 pm
#39
NorthLakes, Brissy
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Bridgehaven release - North Lakes!
Posts: 2,423
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
Emigrating has tested our marriage to the limits. We are still together and as stong as ever thankfully. I am one lucky woman. And of course, hubby is one lucky guy
I have seen couples split up due to the stress of this. So sad. I think if there are cracks in a marriage, this stress level will widen them.
I am one lucky woman. And of course, hubby is one lucky guy I have seen couples split up due to the stress of this. So sad. I think if there are cracks in a marriage, this stress level will widen them.
The only thing that has changed in my marriage is that shall we say conjugal rights have diminished......
and I quote "It's too hot"
Last edited by wargod; Jun 26th 2007 at 5:35 pm.
Jun 26th 2007, 5:55 pm
#41
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Jun 26th 2007, 7:37 pm
#42
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Joined: Sep 2006
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Posts: 2,383
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
A strong marriage is a strong marriage, a weak one is a weak one. If it hadnt been migration that did it, it would have been something else. If you are happily married and work together as a team, then all will be great and you will enjoy the adventure as a partnership.
Does that make sense? I think it's the 'weak one is a weak one' bit that gets me, and the inevitability of it. It's not inevitable, nothing is - it just depends what else is going on, and maybe some relationships that use emigration as a sticking plaster actually cause more problems than they solve when they might have sorted things out by going down a different road.
No doubt that emigration will test any relationship though.
Jun 26th 2007, 7:46 pm
#43
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Posts: 1,706
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
I'm surprised how many people have agreed with this - I would agree that relationships are strong or weak (or somewhere along the spectrum) before any move abroad, but the stresses of the whole thing may throw completely new factors in to the equation and cause problems that never existed before. Of course they will only split you up if there was some underlying problem anyway, but that problem might have gone unnoticed for years otherwise, and been dealt with better at another time in a different situation.
Does that make sense? I think it's the 'weak one is a weak one' bit that gets me, and the inevitability of it. It's not inevitable, nothing is - it just depends what else is going on, and maybe some relationships that use emigration as a sticking plaster actually cause more problems than they solve when they might have sorted things out by going down a different road.
No doubt that emigration will test any relationship though.
Does that make sense? I think it's the 'weak one is a weak one' bit that gets me, and the inevitability of it. It's not inevitable, nothing is - it just depends what else is going on, and maybe some relationships that use emigration as a sticking plaster actually cause more problems than they solve when they might have sorted things out by going down a different road.
No doubt that emigration will test any relationship though.
We didnt move here to try to smooth any cracks etc - just to live in Oz, together. We're now apart.
Whilst I do appreciate people thinking 'sure we'll be fine' etc, thats what we thought too.
Jun 26th 2007, 7:49 pm
#44
Cup of tea, Father?
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Underground, overground, wombling free
Posts: 6,895
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
I'm surprised how many people have agreed with this - I would agree that relationships are strong or weak (or somewhere along the spectrum) before any move abroad, but the stresses of the whole thing may throw completely new factors in to the equation and cause problems that never existed before. Of course they will only split you up if there was some underlying problem anyway, but that problem might have gone unnoticed for years otherwise, and been dealt with better at another time in a different situation.
Does that make sense? I think it's the 'weak one is a weak one' bit that gets me, and the inevitability of it. It's not inevitable, nothing is - it just depends what else is going on, and maybe some relationships that use emigration as a sticking plaster actually cause more problems than they solve when they might have sorted things out by going down a different road.
No doubt that emigration will test any relationship though.
Does that make sense? I think it's the 'weak one is a weak one' bit that gets me, and the inevitability of it. It's not inevitable, nothing is - it just depends what else is going on, and maybe some relationships that use emigration as a sticking plaster actually cause more problems than they solve when they might have sorted things out by going down a different road.
No doubt that emigration will test any relationship though.
Jun 26th 2007, 7:54 pm
#45
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: What did Australia do to your marriage?
I was thinking today that just before we leave for Oz, Im going to video record my entire journey into work. One overground train and two tube trains and an entire bottom pinching, thigh squashing commute into the workplace.
Then in times of homesickness I shall play it
On a more serious note, Mr PP and I have discussed if one of us is not happy and we have come to the conclusion that the WHOLE situation will be reviewed as in what our situation will be as in jobs, housing etc.
But I don't think you can tell until you get there, still at least we are communicating and talking about it and both agree on the same points.
Then in times of homesickness I shall play it
On a more serious note, Mr PP and I have discussed if one of us is not happy and we have come to the conclusion that the WHOLE situation will be reviewed as in what our situation will be as in jobs, housing etc.
But I don't think you can tell until you get there, still at least we are communicating and talking about it and both agree on the same points.
