Hello all! Long time reader, first time writer.
My hubbie and i have been mulling over a move to australia for the last year or two...probably for most of the reasons outlined by other writers. But for the last few weeks we've both been thinking a bit more about it, and we were wondering ...are we being really selfish to our two kids?
I mean we're potentially dragging them half way round the world, away from their family and friends, school and all the rest of it, just on what seems at times nothing more than a whim. We've talked about it a couple of times with them (son and daughter...eight and six) and though they seem quite excited I'm not sure they grasp that it would be for good, and not an extended holiday. I know they would make new friends, but the thought of them growing up without the rest of their family...I'm not sure how they would cope. To have a long expensive airline flight everytime they want to see their grandparents seems really tough....thats going to happen once a year at best???
We have a pretty comfortable life here at mo, decent school, house....so are we being selfish? Also not sure if long term prospects for them in Aus. are particularly good...career wise.
any thoughts appreciated.

I empathise completely.

However I don't think selfish is the right world, and you shouldn't think of it that way. An alternative is that you are giving your kids another or alternative opportunity, they will end up better for the experience, even if you all return back to the UK. Kids are growing up in a different world now and family units just don't stay together, the world is a global place and IT is there to help you keep in touch (webcam/email/cheap telephone)

Your family are only a plane ride away.

Try and list out the good things and the bad for going and staying and make an informed rather than emotional choice.
Mash...

If you were to make a move, your kids are probably now at the best age. They are young enough to adapt with both school and family/friends. Once they get past 11 years old, I think it gets very difficult.

However, (at the unintended risk of sounding harsh) you may be thinking of the kids as an excuse rather than a reason for not coming. The kids will almost certainly be fine, and remember one day they will leave you for their own future. Perhaps you need to be clear in your own mind whether you want to come? I certainly wouldn't make such a drastic move "on a whim".

The peopel I know who have successfully emigrated are the ones who either really didn't like their current life or did a considerable amount of research before they came. You might want to think of the latter suggestion - that you could even do with your kids so that you all see what you could be getting into.

It is a big decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I have just been going through the same worries as you have. I have a son of 8 and daughter 3. I have no concerns about my daughter because she is so young, but my son was bullied at school on and off for 18 months. Now he is really finding good friends, and he has a better social life than I do.

This made me feel really guilty - to take him away from his new found friends. We know that the move will be very difficult in many ways, but we (as a couple) will be able to deal with it. It was just the thought of making him start all over again. When we asked him how he would feel, he said he didnt want to make new friends, but when we showed him on the internet pictures of places in Adelaide he was really excited.

We have talked a couple of times since then, and will do so again, to check how he feels. We have told him to tell us if he has any questions or worries, and we have agreed that we must give it a couple of years before we will know if it is a good decision. Now he knows that we can always come back if it is truley awful, he is fine.

Where we live, it is difficult for the children to play out as much as they should. Our garden is nothing compared to what we could get over there. The schools are supposed to be better than they are here, and so our decision is about giving our family a better quality of life. Simply the weather alone would improve things for the kids.

I dont think that there are any simple answers, but so long as the children are happy, go for it. What is the worst that can happen. They are young enough to adapt, and they will do it long before you do.

We have had the same thoughts - we have twins aged 7 but we do believe that the whole family will have a better lifestyle living down under. The children love being outside and we believe there will be more opportunities out there. Properties/gardens are bigger from what we have seen on the internet.

We haven't been before but are heading for Brisbane once we have sold our house so within the next few months we hope. We have spoken about it and they are keen but I do not believe they understand the concept of what it actually means. They have concerns about missing their friends but we have reassured them that they will be able to keep in contact through e-mail/webcam. We too as parents have had the same concerns but I guess that is last minute thoughts about what we are actually doing. It is all very daunting but part of the experience. the children are the right age to give them time to settle before secondary school when it becomes more important.

It will be a good experience for the whole family. Think positive.

Mash,

All this "your family are only a plane ride away" business is what we convinced ourselves with in the first place. However, the reality is that it costs $9,000 to get a family of 4 back to the UK, and grandparents are ageing all the time and won`t always be able to stand the very long flights and jet lag etc.

The fact is, its a very, very long way away. See others posts on this too - it`s not just my opinion.

Firstly, I don`t think you`re being selfish.

Secondly, your children WILL adapt very easily - everyone I`ve spoken to with children say the same, and our two (boy and girl aged (then 9 and 7) stepped straight into a new school and now have friends round all the time and are loving it.

However, it is a VERY long way away and VERY expensive to fly home $9,000+ for a family of 4, and grandparents won`t always be fit enough to make the long journey here.

My opinion, for what it`s worth, is that we won`t be staying here for much longer because I feel our children will have greater opportunities in Europe than Australia. Oz is a beautiful place for a holiday, and many people will love living here (I don`t hate it by the way) but the opportunities for the children are very, very limited and the accent at school is on sport rather than academic achievement.

Don`t stay in the UK if you`re just worried about the children settling in, but do ask yourselves whether the isolation would be a problem for YOU.

Thanks for all the advice! (and please keep it coming)
i have to say that I think pommieshiela is right about the travelling thing...the fact is it is a twenty four hour plane ride away, and also a lot of money. and yes we do think both me and my husband would miss our parents...who can honestly say they wouldn't?
ps one small thing...this is not on a 'whim'...its just thats how it seems sometimes (does that make sense?)

Life is too short, it' what you want not everbody else ...

Cheers,

do you mind if I ask if you have children?

Hi there,

Yes we have two children aged 5 and 9,

We have been thinking about moving to Australia for about 2 years and feel if we don't try it now we never will,

Our children are growing up fast, as they all do and feel that we will all enjoy a new lifestyle, ready for something different, if we don't like it we will come back, simple, that's what we have told everyone,

However we do have 2 uncles, 1 aunt and 6 cousins living in Australia,

Like most on the forum we all will cash in from the sale of our UK homes (work part time) ...

We do have parents here, but to quite honest we think they will follow on at a later date, my husbands a only child my brother has lived in France for 11 years,

It is a hard choice that requires a lot of thought, but we feel it is worth a try, as I said life is too short to think about it for too long ...

I really wish you well in what you decide to do, please let us all know thanks,

Cheers,

Hi Louise.

Firstly the fact that you are taking you childrens views into consideration proves that no you are not be selfish. We too have 2 children(daughter 9, son 6) and understand you concerns. We have just made sure they are kept informed every step of the way and when we were first thinking about it we sat them both down and explained to them exactly what this would mean to them in simple terms. Even young children can grasp concepts about new schools and friends.

If you are realistic to yourselves and your children about what to expect of living in Australia then you should be fine. It is not all sea, sand and barbies! Most of the time it's just everyday, run of the mill things just like Engalnd only with better weather!!

Good luck for the future. Hope you come to the right decission for all your family.
Bye Sally
PS not in Oz yet but have many family members there

I think it would be a lot easier when the kids are younger. As they get to 10 plus they seem to get very strong opinions. I strongly back Pommiesheila on the "its only 24 hour rubbish". Not many here can afford that sort of money ($9000+ just for the airfares) and most parents dont undertake the trip to Oz more than once, because honestly unless you can afford Business class the trip is hell. Also known a couple of families here who did manage it but find that taking 4 weeks off work often means loosing the job. English kids usually love the schools here, they are much easier and the kids seem to be accepted by the Aussies without prejudice. Missing family in the UK hits the kids just as hard tho as the adults so dont overlook that. Bigger gardens and bigger houses soon loose their appeal unless you are a materialistic family, they just mean more hours a week of yard/house chores.

Dotty,

Do you think webcams, digital photos, e-mail etc help overcome the "tyranny of distance" in a useful way?

Hi Louise

It seems for most of us its a series of trade-offs and the situation isn't black and white. There are no guarantees to your future happiness in Oz..or how much you will miss your family or England once you are gone? but obviously for many of us we seem to take on this "adventure" aware of the risks. I can't see any advantage to my kids family all living on the other side of the world but My husband, me and our two kids are also a family unit who believe there will be lots of oppotunities and experiences which will be fabulous for us as a young family. Our kids are not much more than babies and it doesn't really seem worth overly worrying about their job/career oppotunities yet as I don't in the U.K but I have looked at schools in Oz and was extremely impressed...I think they will have an enjoyable and sucessful education in Oz. I completely agree with Dotty a big house is so compensation for no family...but life in Oz works for many families and I think one of the strongest considerations is you and your partner are happy because that ultimately is who your children need. My Mum isn't 60 she wants to come out for at least a month a year, the kids will see more of her then than now..I agree in the future parents will be older and more frail but maybe you can't deal with every issue now..you have to make decisions and live with them and deal with the problems as and when they arise..
Personally I think my kids will have a fabulous childhood in OZ, dual citizenship for the rest of their lives, links to the u.k and the oppotunity when they are adults to make informed choices on where they want to live.