Originally Posted by diddy

Here’s a few more

- Congratulate every Australian you meet on their English and tell them that you can understand nearly every word they say. Proceed to offer to teach them more English words for a small fee.

- Further to the above, always correct an Australian on their pronunciation. They will thank you for this.

- Before starting work at 9 o’clock, encourage everyone in the office to stand and sing God Bless the Queen. This will help them remember that they’re still a colony, so that they won’t need to worry.

- Wear G-Strings on your feet as this is what Australians do.

- On a hot day, ensure your Australian friends wear appropriate headwear, such as a handkerchief with knots tied in each corner.

- Write to any local council with an Australian sounding name and offer to rename it for them. For example, Maroochydre could become New Bognor Regis.

Paul.

Originally Posted by Professional Princess

Thought we could all do with a laugh. Although I must say that it is intended as fun and not meant to upset anyone.

I have thought of a few ways to help migrants settle into the Lucky Country.
Do this with gusto and you will be sure, endear yourselves to the local people.

Feel free to add to the list. :D

1. Wear Union Jack T shirt and shorts, socks and sandals and walk around and say 'Our flag is better than yours'

2. Tell the locals that Lamingtons are illegal in the UK on grounds of being poisonous.

3. Order yourself a beer from the bar, take a sip and spit it out saying 'Shit thats too cold, don't you have a warm one?'

4. Make a big thing about not understanding the Aussie accent and say 'Can you say that in English?'

5. Try and talk like the Queen and insist that your local bar plays the National Anthem and then say 'I love ths song'.

6. Moan about absolutely everything, from the flies to the weather.

7. Go to the beach and when you see a surfer about to enter the sea, run up to him screaming and say 'You cant do that, its not safe!'

8. When you are invited to a barbie, as the host lights the barbie and throws the meat on, run up shouting hysterically and throw water over it shouting 'fire!'

9. Say you dont like koalas because they smell.

10. Ask several people several times a day, 'Do you know Madge from Neighbours?'

11. visit the Gold Coast and say 'Can i walk to the set of Home and Away?'

12. Move the safety flags on your local beach and swap them for purple ones.


Anyone got anything to add? :D