oliverandlisa

Sew corks on all your hats and caps

Professional Princess

Say to someone 'Is there any way I can wrestle some crocs like Steve Irwin' And when they say no, throw a tantrum saying you thought thats what they were there for.

When you find a spider in your house, shout and scream and say 'I never knew you had spiders in Australia'

Complain to the local council about parrots and how noisey they are, and is there anything that can be done????

Run around and say 'Sun protection is a load of shite' and then proceed to sunbathe with a handkerchief over your head and go pink enough to resemble a joint of gammon.

oliverandlisa

Ask for directions to Ramsay Street

Tell them Tim tams arent as good as penguins

And constantly remind people that 'Uluru is just a rock'

diddy

Here's a few more:

- Refuse to greet people with G'Day, always say 'Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening'

- Tell everyone you meet how wonderful it is to be in the colonies and complement them on having basic amenities such as toilets.

- Inform people that AFL isn't really a proper sport, but it keeps the colonials happy and stops them rebelling.

- Always wear a bowler hat.

- Inform everyone that rather than granting Australia independence, the country should be ruled directly from London, so that they don't have to worry about complicated matters.

- Whenever you're introduced to someone Australian, ask them what crime their forefathers committed in order to get transported over.

Paul.

hevs

PMSL

Professional Princess

Tell them that you realise how hard it is to rehabilitate yourself from the 'nation of convicts' and tell them that they really shouldnt be jealous that you are from England.

Ask the lifeguards why they wear those silly hats on their heads and tell them they resemble the top of a mans willy with a condom on it.

Ask them what the hell is 'Iron Man' anyway? Its just a silly contest right?

Pick up a blue bottle with a large pair of tongs and chuck it at the nearest surfer shouting 'Catch'.

Tell them that there are lots of people in England just waiting to break the law, so they can be convicted and sent to Australia and isnt it great, we can all be friends?

Do nothing but moan constantly about how salty the sea is.

Poppett44

Oh my god you have all had me PMSL

lindaclaire

Hiya,

Just wanted to say, this is, by far teh funniest thread i have read since joining the forum. found it last night and was roaring with laughter to the point that i had tears streaming down my face!

loving your work guys!

luv Linda x

Professional Princess

But you must add to it to keep it going


Tell everyone you know Rolf Harris and he comes to your house for tea.

When you go to the local Coles, do an aboriginal dance at the checkout.

Ask the local policemen if they watch 'the Bill' and then tell them EVERYTHING that happens in the plot to ruin it, embelish your story and add to it to get them excited.

Ask them if 'Cell Block H is real'

Go to a barbie and tell them sausages are for girls.

sloake

refuse to like Delta Goodrem.. and call her a home breaker. (I find that really helps)

Also, remind them that Kylie is now officially British as she lives in the UK now. but Danni is still Aussie....

Brisben

Danni is welcome to stay at my place anytime

worzel

Tell them you didn't realise they had inside toilets and not just dunnies

Tell them you didn't realise there were bitumen roads between cities (my dad said that one to me)

Say that the aborigines are poorly treated by the whites (dare you!)

When they ask in Target if they can look inside your bag say sure, can I look inside your handbag too

Say that Aussie wine is no substitute for the better French stuff

Scossie

OK Sam....!!!!

I think it's about time you had Myself, Bordy, Soapy, & Biggy, as, "mysterious Scottish strangers of unknown repute" in your next BE story!!

Professional Princess

Defo!

Scossie

Waaaay.....