Vegemite Kids

I was talking to a collegue at work who is a always a bit grumpy (LOL, I used to just put it down to his age, and used to call him GOM -short for grumpy old man) but found out his story today.

He moved over to Perth back in the late 1980's with his wife and 2 very young children.

He apparently hated it from day 1, but his wife loved it so he stuck it out for her sake. The kids started school & made friends.

He's had a good job from day1. Wife was initially a stay at home mom, but once the kids were in school she went back to work.

A few years after wife went back to work, she met someone else and my collegue and she got divorced (this was apparently about 10 years after they first moved to OZ).

He says he has not made any true friends in the 23 years he's been in OZ and apparently spends hours every week phoning his friends in UK but when pressed admits that the UK 'friends' very rarely call him.

He says he is (and has been) sticking it out "for the kids", but said 'kids' are now in their mid 20s and one of them is about to move to the UK and the other has met someone from Sydney and is about to move over there.

So my collegue has gritted his teeth and lived in a place he hates for 23 years for the sake of his family but now is about to have no 'family' in Perth.

When I asked him did he regret not going back to UK years ago he said he wished he had put his foot down in the first couple of years and insisted they went back while the children were young but at the time thought he was doing the right thing by sticking it out. He also thinks he's too old to start again in the UK and even if he follows his son back to the UK, he knows the son will eventually move back to OZ at some point in the future, "so whats the point?" (his words not mine)

On the train home tonight I was thinking about what he told me & thought it was a really really sad story. Just wanted to post it here in case it helps someone to not end up so sad in 23 years time.


PS. Just to clarify - This collegue is the exception! I've not come across any other Brits (or other nationalities for that matter) that have felt this way, but still thought it was worth posting.

deb68

Blind love, sad for the guy.

77hil

I hate to say it but if your mates rarely call you, your wife leaves you and years later your kids do too, I think you've got to ask yourself why this keeps happening. I think it unlikely that he's purely a victim of circumstance.

All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.

irishbloo

I really dont believe that it could be true.Hes not the first guy to split up from is wife and for his kids to move out of the house.I dont speak to my friends via the phone any more.We have simply moved on.We email every now and again.Im pretty sure Im not a pratt but who knows.

quoll

Poor devil, I know how he feels - except I still have the DH and he's the only reason I am here. I also have one son in UK and about to get married so he wont be back (and I dont think he wants to come back any more either) and another son with family intermittently out in the bush miles from anywhere. If I were him I'd be gone - get him to check out the MBTTUK section if he wants inspiration for older Poms returning, there's a brilliant bunch in there.

HelenTD

As quoll says, lots of similar stories to your colleague's out there, and there's Beedubya, returning to the UK very shortly.

cresta57

It's just life mate, we moved away from all our friends & family & started again. We moved away, their lives carry on without us, you just don't get calls that often you make the effort if you want yo keep in touch. FB & Skype have made it easier in recent times.
Now my kids have moved away, one to Brisbane for better work prospects & the other posted out to a naval base. I don't feel like a failure because my kids have moved away I'm pleased for them.
I think the post was more about how the bloke stayed here 23 yrs for the sake of his kids "blind love" is an apt description
Sad tale but with weekly access or shared custody moving back years ago wasn't an option Thanks for sharing

eddie007

Kids grow up and leave home... Its life.... Suck it up... "friends" in the uk dont give a damn... Out of sight, out of mind... Its a universal experience for expats.. They dont need us... Get over it.. Marriages end in divorce.. He's not the only one

Tell him to Get out there and bloody do something about it....


Sorry.. I'm becoming an advocate for the bag of cement school of social psychology...

mr mover

Over my last 30 plus years in the moving industry i can relate hundreds of similar storys.....like the old girl who waited till the husband died and took him home in an urn.
Her last words to me were as we packed up the container were I hope George will forgive me , he never wanted to go back............MM

sonlymewalter

shit happens. He can either wallow in self pity or get off his ass and change it

Maybe if he wasn't so miserable he'd be making lemonade instead of looking at lemons

Pollyana

Sometimes it just isn't that easy though. When you've put up with a situation for years like he has you really do get into a rut that its very hard to get out of. That long away from the UK its going to feel very much like moving to a whole new country - new house, new job, new friends, it can be an exciting thought, or it can be a truly terrifying one. And if he has lost touch with his friends there over the years he is probably going to be thinking "What AM I going back to? What if its just as bad back there and I'm still alone"
I really feel for him, lived his life for everyone else, and now doesn't know how to make one for himself. Some people can do it, but not everyone has that strength to make a huge move like that on their own. His family have been the focus of his life for so long - take that focus away and a lot of people find it very hard to cope.

eddie007

Life has victims... And survivors... Those who bemoan their lot, inflict their unhappiness on others ... And those that insist on the silverlining approach to life.

Some one who is grumpy all the time... Aint fun to be with... What ever their story.. Yep its sad he didnt see the future, that kids grow up and leave the nest... Wouldnt have taken a crystal ball, but hey? We're all blinkered to some extent....

He has been here 13 years plus divorced???? a lot of people would have moved on by now... Found some one else... Not still be dwelling on it..

Maybe he did stay for the children, maybe he does blame oz for his divorce...

Would YOUR friends stay in touch if you spent hours on the phone every week whinging about life or would they get sick of it and start to avoid you?

Cant help feeling there is a bit of singe ing martyr in the air...

CEM

Or perhaps someone suffering with depression?

Pollyana

........which is very possible in the situation described.

quoll

Absolutely, poor devil. And he probably thinks he is Robinson Crusoe as well, hasnt met anyone else who feels the same way as he does and he probably never tells them anyway because they would think he was bonkers (everyone just lurves Australia, it's paradise dont ya know). I think he needs to know he is not alone and that there is hope!