Very sad
#1
Very sad
I was talking to a collegue at work who is a always a bit grumpy (LOL, I used to just put it down to his age, and used to call him GOM -short for grumpy old man) but found out his story today.
He moved over to Perth back in the late 1980's with his wife and 2 very young children.
He apparently hated it from day 1, but his wife loved it so he stuck it out for her sake. The kids started school & made friends.
He's had a good job from day1. Wife was initially a stay at home mom, but once the kids were in school she went back to work.
A few years after wife went back to work, she met someone else and my collegue and she got divorced (this was apparently about 10 years after they first moved to OZ).
He says he has not made any true friends in the 23 years he's been in OZ and apparently spends hours every week phoning his friends in UK but when pressed admits that the UK 'friends' very rarely call him.
He says he is (and has been) sticking it out "for the kids", but said 'kids' are now in their mid 20s and one of them is about to move to the UK and the other has met someone from Sydney and is about to move over there.
So my collegue has gritted his teeth and lived in a place he hates for 23 years for the sake of his family but now is about to have no 'family' in Perth.
When I asked him did he regret not going back to UK years ago he said he wished he had put his foot down in the first couple of years and insisted they went back while the children were young but at the time thought he was doing the right thing by sticking it out. He also thinks he's too old to start again in the UK and even if he follows his son back to the UK, he knows the son will eventually move back to OZ at some point in the future, "so whats the point?" (his words not mine)
On the train home tonight I was thinking about what he told me & thought it was a really really sad story. Just wanted to post it here in case it helps someone to not end up so sad in 23 years time.
PS. Just to clarify - This collegue is the exception! I've not come across any other Brits (or other nationalities for that matter) that have felt this way, but still thought it was worth posting.
He moved over to Perth back in the late 1980's with his wife and 2 very young children.
He apparently hated it from day 1, but his wife loved it so he stuck it out for her sake. The kids started school & made friends.
He's had a good job from day1. Wife was initially a stay at home mom, but once the kids were in school she went back to work.
A few years after wife went back to work, she met someone else and my collegue and she got divorced (this was apparently about 10 years after they first moved to OZ).
He says he has not made any true friends in the 23 years he's been in OZ and apparently spends hours every week phoning his friends in UK but when pressed admits that the UK 'friends' very rarely call him.
He says he is (and has been) sticking it out "for the kids", but said 'kids' are now in their mid 20s and one of them is about to move to the UK and the other has met someone from Sydney and is about to move over there.
So my collegue has gritted his teeth and lived in a place he hates for 23 years for the sake of his family but now is about to have no 'family' in Perth.
When I asked him did he regret not going back to UK years ago he said he wished he had put his foot down in the first couple of years and insisted they went back while the children were young but at the time thought he was doing the right thing by sticking it out. He also thinks he's too old to start again in the UK and even if he follows his son back to the UK, he knows the son will eventually move back to OZ at some point in the future, "so whats the point?" (his words not mine)
On the train home tonight I was thinking about what he told me & thought it was a really really sad story. Just wanted to post it here in case it helps someone to not end up so sad in 23 years time.
PS. Just to clarify - This collegue is the exception! I've not come across any other Brits (or other nationalities for that matter) that have felt this way, but still thought it was worth posting.
Last edited by Vegemite Kids; Feb 21st 2011 at 8:48 am. Reason: to add a PS
#2
#3
Re: Very sad
I hate to say it but if your mates rarely call you, your wife leaves you and years later your kids do too, I think you've got to ask yourself why this keeps happening. I think it unlikely that he's purely a victim of circumstance.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
#4
Re: Very sad
I hate to say it but if your mates rarely call you, your wife leaves you and years later your kids do too, I think you've got to ask yourself why this keeps happening. I think it unlikely that he's purely a victim of circumstance.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
#5
Re: Very sad
Poor devil, I know how he feels - except I still have the DH and he's the only reason I am here. I also have one son in UK and about to get married so he wont be back (and I dont think he wants to come back any more either) and another son with family intermittently out in the bush miles from anywhere. If I were him I'd be gone - get him to check out the MBTTUK section if he wants inspiration for older Poms returning, there's a brilliant bunch in there.
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Perth
Posts: 2,237
Re: Very sad
As quoll says, lots of similar stories to your colleague's out there, and there's Beedubya, returning to the UK very shortly.
#7
Re: Very sad
I hate to say it but if your mates rarely call you, your wife leaves you and years later your kids do too, I think you've got to ask yourself why this keeps happening. I think it unlikely that he's purely a victim of circumstance.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
All of the above have happened to a relative of mine and it's cos he's a pratt.
Now my kids have moved away, one to Brisbane for better work prospects & the other posted out to a naval base. I don't feel like a failure because my kids have moved away I'm pleased for them.
I think the post was more about how the bloke stayed here 23 yrs for the sake of his kids "blind love" is an apt description
Sad tale but with weekly access or shared custody moving back years ago wasn't an option Thanks for sharing
#8
Re: Very sad
Kids grow up and leave home... Its life.... Suck it up... "friends" in the uk dont give a damn... Out of sight, out of mind... Its a universal experience for expats.. They dont need us... Get over it.. Marriages end in divorce.. He's not the only one
Tell him to Get out there and bloody do something about it....
Sorry.. I'm becoming an advocate for the bag of cement school of social psychology...
Tell him to Get out there and bloody do something about it....
Sorry.. I'm becoming an advocate for the bag of cement school of social psychology...
#9
Re: Very sad
Over my last 30 plus years in the moving industry i can relate hundreds of similar storys.....like the old girl who waited till the husband died and took him home in an urn.
Her last words to me were as we packed up the container were I hope George will forgive me , he never wanted to go back............MM
Her last words to me were as we packed up the container were I hope George will forgive me , he never wanted to go back............MM
#10
Re: Very sad
shit happens. He can either wallow in self pity or get off his ass and change it
Maybe if he wasn't so miserable he'd be making lemonade instead of looking at lemons
Maybe if he wasn't so miserable he'd be making lemonade instead of looking at lemons
#11
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,806
Re: Very sad
I really feel for him, lived his life for everyone else, and now doesn't know how to make one for himself. Some people can do it, but not everyone has that strength to make a huge move like that on their own. His family have been the focus of his life for so long - take that focus away and a lot of people find it very hard to cope.
#12
Re: Very sad
Life has victims... And survivors... Those who bemoan their lot, inflict their unhappiness on others ... And those that insist on the silverlining approach to life.
Some one who is grumpy all the time... Aint fun to be with... What ever their story.. Yep its sad he didnt see the future, that kids grow up and leave the nest... Wouldnt have taken a crystal ball, but hey? We're all blinkered to some extent....
He has been here 13 years plus divorced???? a lot of people would have moved on by now... Found some one else... Not still be dwelling on it..
Maybe he did stay for the children, maybe he does blame oz for his divorce...
Would YOUR friends stay in touch if you spent hours on the phone every week whinging about life or would they get sick of it and start to avoid you?
Cant help feeling there is a bit of singe ing martyr in the air...
Some one who is grumpy all the time... Aint fun to be with... What ever their story.. Yep its sad he didnt see the future, that kids grow up and leave the nest... Wouldnt have taken a crystal ball, but hey? We're all blinkered to some extent....
He has been here 13 years plus divorced???? a lot of people would have moved on by now... Found some one else... Not still be dwelling on it..
Maybe he did stay for the children, maybe he does blame oz for his divorce...
Would YOUR friends stay in touch if you spent hours on the phone every week whinging about life or would they get sick of it and start to avoid you?
Cant help feeling there is a bit of singe ing martyr in the air...
#13
Re: Very sad
Life has victims... And survivors... Those who bemoan their lot, inflict their unhappiness on others ... And those that insist on the silverlining approach to life.
Some one who is grumpy all the time... Aint fun to be with... What ever their story.. Yep its sad he didnt see the future, that kids grow up and leave the nest... Wouldnt have taken a crystal ball, but hey? We're all blinkered to some extent....
He has been here 13 years plus divorced???? a lot of people would have moved on by now... Found some one else... Not still be dwelling on it..
Maybe he did stay for the children, maybe he does blame oz for his divorce...
Would YOUR friends stay in touch if you spent hours on the phone every week whinging about life or would they get sick of it and start to avoid you?
Cant help feeling there is a bit of singe ing martyr in the air...
Some one who is grumpy all the time... Aint fun to be with... What ever their story.. Yep its sad he didnt see the future, that kids grow up and leave the nest... Wouldnt have taken a crystal ball, but hey? We're all blinkered to some extent....
He has been here 13 years plus divorced???? a lot of people would have moved on by now... Found some one else... Not still be dwelling on it..
Maybe he did stay for the children, maybe he does blame oz for his divorce...
Would YOUR friends stay in touch if you spent hours on the phone every week whinging about life or would they get sick of it and start to avoid you?
Cant help feeling there is a bit of singe ing martyr in the air...
Or perhaps someone suffering with depression?
#14
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,806
#15
Re: Very sad
Absolutely, poor devil. And he probably thinks he is Robinson Crusoe as well, hasnt met anyone else who feels the same way as he does and he probably never tells them anyway because they would think he was bonkers (everyone just lurves Australia, it's paradise dont ya know). I think he needs to know he is not alone and that there is hope!