Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Oct 2nd 2006, 11:55 am
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 205
Very funny diary from Alice Springs
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Oct 3rd 2006, 5:52 am
#2
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 27
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Pmsl :d :d :d
Oct 3rd 2006, 6:58 am
#3
(It's not my real name)
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Ilukapool. WA
Posts: 12,467
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
The old ones are the best ones
Oct 3rd 2006, 8:21 am
#4
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Ningi, QLD
Posts: 1,777
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Originally Posted by rossfive5
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Now go and have a
and calm yourself down.Sam x.
Oct 3rd 2006, 9:25 am
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Originally Posted by renth
The old ones are the best ones
Never heard Alice Springs mentioned before.....
I think that now concludes the place names in the OZ post code booklet.
The next lot of place names to be used are either in Nzed or Antarctica...
WW
Oct 3rd 2006, 9:53 am
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 1,217
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
LOL thats hilarious.
Oct 3rd 2006, 1:21 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Iluka WA
Posts: 207
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Already seen this before as a diary from Karratha!!!
Oct 3rd 2006, 2:34 pm
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 336
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Originally Posted by rossfive5
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Don't know why the Ozzies complain?
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskas and cat s@#t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s&%$! It feels like a giant $&##n blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts!
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bl&&$y $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bl&&$y humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid $&##n place.
November 8th:
If another wise @@ss cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to $&##n throttle him. $&##n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin $&##n wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my $&##n @@ss was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my $&##n @@ss. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried @@ss, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a $&##n recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and $&##n sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn $&##n place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the $&##n pool. Even the palms can't live in this $&##n heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my @@ss out of jail for assulting the stupid $&##r. $&#k Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented $&##'n idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are $&##in kiddin!!!!!!!!
Oct 3rd 2006, 11:38 pm
#9
(It's not my real name)
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Ilukapool. WA
Posts: 12,467
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Originally Posted by jayjd12
Very good that one mate!
Oct 4th 2006, 5:23 am
#10
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 205
Re: Very funny diary from Alice Springs
Originally Posted by renth
Anyone know what POHM stands for?
