Its been a while since I posted on this forum and I get a bit leery of it as it feels a bit too much like a private club. I am posting because I am hoping that my story will encourage some of you out there.
Talk about ups and downs.
I am an Australian with UK passport (found it in my porridge oats-nearly broke a tooth). I havent lived at home since 1996. In that time I have become a stranger to my own country and a person a home in a strange country-much as many of you will become, that are successful in your quest to become Australians.
I met my husband in the UK, we married in France, bought our first home together in the UK and had our first child there.
We decided to move back to Australia which is when I first stumbled accross this website. It was an absolutely brilliant site with loads of help from many people, especially Jeremy, in helping me obtain my husbands spouse visa.
Anyway, things happen, as they do. Our furniture had already travelled halfway accross the world to Sydney when personal issues forced my husband to go back to France. I followed soon after, pregnant with our second child, the idea being that we would make the best of the situation and give the grandparents and extended family time to get to know the children before the big goodbye.
We had been in process of selling out house but it fell through at the final hurdle. Very quickly the idea of a quick stay in France became a nightmare of trapped in rural France, living with the inlaws, pregnant and supporting a UK mortgage and having a husband working day and night on a very low wage to keep us going
The borrowings that we had taken out to make our house in the UK habitable (gch, adding a proper bathroom and putting in a kitchen) suddenly felt like a huge extravagance too as we had to pay for that as well, and on top of that, we had to eventually pay for storage in Australia. We had no money for clothes or food let alone airfares, and were dependent on the inlaws for everything. And yet again another sale on our house fell through.
I was ferrying my daughter to school and back on the push bike, must have been quite a sight with my big belly, but it was too far for her to walk and I had no car. Meanwhile hubby, parents in law , brother and employer were doing the norm which in their family means working from 7am to 10pm. Its just how they like to work
Things got to a head, and I contemplated going back to Australia as a single parent, even asking here for advice on welfare payments. I was desperate!
Somehow we got through this and are stronger than ever. Then the money reared its ugly head and recently we came to grips with the fact that we would have to go throught the whole ugly lotto of house selling again, even at the risk of losing everything. I wanted to be an ostrich but hell, Ive bitten the bullet. Luckily we have a sterling agent and so far have had some positive results. We asked someone on this site for help with the money issues and despite an in initial indication they would try, we were to hear nothing more.
I think that this site is brilliant for support and advice on gaining the visas, on living costs, on flying there, changing money, and the such. I am not so sure on some other aspects especially the 'quick to judge' and the 'my house is bigger' brigade. I feel quite frightened at times to post anything on here. There are plenty of 'in' groups but sometimes I feel like a complete outsider and wonder what I may have done! Expressing opinions is very risky unless you are one of a few golden people and Im afraid I dont have the inate political correctness and delicacy to see me through...(I am after all first and foremost an aussie). Therefore although I sympathise with many things posted here I dont normally post in case I start something off.
Ive lived in three different countries now. I absolutely loved my time in Australia and recommend it to anyone with kids. I am grateful for my schooling (yes kids in Oz are just as bright as anywhere else despite the lack of league tables).
I loved my youth in the UK and the fantastic clubbing and social scene, the opportunity to work my way up the ladder (and never being able to rely on social security-I always had a job), the parks, the differences of the british people. But having a family in the UK was a no-brainer for me - it was like oil and water!
I absolutely adore France despite everything, including the lack of work and isolation. If it wernt for hubby I would stay, but he is eager to explore Oz.
I guess whatever country you choose to live in, its best to keep an open mind and embrace change (easier said than done) and realise that while you may be accepted to a certain level, on another level you will be an outsider for the rest of your life. Thats not necessarily a bad thing and I wish you all the best in finding your paths.
For those of you with personal problems - just keep on believing. Take it on the shoulder and look up not down. And if you need a friendly ear please feel free to pm me.

Nice post, thanks for sharing

You've had a right time of it, but you sound like a strong person and it looks loke you are ready for the next stage in your life. I hope everything turns out good for you.

Fantastic post right from the heart.

I wish you lots of luck with everything

(Are you in Australia now?)

Fantastic, honest and wonderful thread. I wish you all the luck in the world and hopefully a positive future wherever you are. x

An inspirational post

Good luck x

wow, great to hear from some of you. Restores my faith :-) Will send a little bit of karma to you all.
I forgot to add we are still in France, waiting for 3rd time lucky on house. New addition of a beautiful boy, 9 months on and just started walking.

[QUOTE=Ruthyman;4496951]I loved my youth in the UK and the fantastic clubbing and social scene, the opportunity to work my way up the ladder (and never being able to rely on social security-I always had a job), the parks, the differences of the british people. But having a family in the UK was a no-brainer for me - it was like oil and water!
I [QUOTE]

Great post.

Don't worry about in-groups and golden people, just dive in and say what you think (put your flame-proof suit on first, and try not to take it too seriously).

I was particularly interested in your comments about having a family. Do you think it's harder for kids in the UK? What about in France?

I'm in Perth and think we may go back to England at some point, but I do worry about how the kids would settle (they have never lived there before). They love it here, and seeing your kids happy is the greatest thing for any parent.

yes what a great post. its interesting to hear all peoples' experiences. i agree with the above - just wade in and post. most of the time people who u think are in exclusive clubs are always happy to "talk" to anyone - its just that after a while you tend to chat to the same people and to others it may look exclusive but i would bet that in 99% of the time it isn't.
a belated congrats on your new son

Great post - I wish you well.

I was scared of posting opinions etc at first and did get a bit upset at a couple of things - I'm not a FFS type of person - but then I realised there are lots of nice people on here so you can ignore the others, also people don't know you so its easy to misinterpret so don't take anything personally.

Also I think people on here use the fact they are hiding at home somewhere to be more rude than they would on a face-to-face basis - if I get a disparaging remark I just imagine that person as a geek wearing underpants on their head - it reallly helps!

Great post. I've gotta agree with what others have said. Don't worry about jumping in if others appear to be in groups. Everyone's opinion is valid and as they say "a stranger is just a friend you've not met yet" and that person whom you think is not interested in you, might just end up a good friend. I tend to find that I speak most often to those I'm online at the same time as and relationships are built that way.

All the best selling the house.

Gill

Hiya mate! There are a few of us still around you know.....keep reading and you'll see a few names from the "olden days" Some of us have even been promoted - who made me a Mod anyway? I woke up one day and I'd got a new title! Mind you, most of the new lot aren't so bad
Do you think you'll ever make it back here? I thought by the end of your post you were going to say you'd finally cracked it and were on your way.

thanks for sharing and I wish you tons of karma luck.
A x

great post
there are some lovely and really helpful people on here but there are also some jumped up keyboard warriors too.

none of us are shakespere, yet we are supposed to get every thought we have written down in two lines. woe betide anybody who cant spell or is not willing to kiss some butt.

that said ruthyman, most of the posters are really nice and dont bring their stress to the boards.
i must owe about ten beers to different posters and about ten beers to certain posters

sounds like you've had it tough
good luck with your move

Great post,good luck with the dreaded house sale, we too are in that boat!

Great post. I wish you lots of luck.