Just seen my Aussie born 2nd oldest Daughter and her "almost" fiancee off at the airport tonight. She's been living in the UK for past 2.5 years, and came back for her first holiday.

I've done plenty of goodbyes at the airport, but for some reason this one was particularly tough, in fact the toughest I've ever done. Took me a while to realise the reason.

It wasn't the fact that her youngest brother, who was only 7 and a half when she left, and almost a totally different person at age 10, 2.5 years later, and will obviously be very different again when we/or she meet again. (I've been through the same quantum changes with my own, much younger brother) It wasn't the fact that she loves London with its opportunities and rewards for the bright and ambitious, that it is obviously the right place for her at this time. Not even the fact that she slipped back into our lives, for such a fleeting time of less than 3 weeks, with such a familiar feel, that it was almost like she had never been away.


Nope, it was the fact that she has found a new life partner by the looks of things, and the draw of that is stronger than any countries boundaries. My Girl born on my 30th Birthday, is now a woman with an agenda all off her own. I/we missed a vital part of her life. That transition from ours to being her own with a future to share with someone else.


She'll be back in the UK within 24 hours, to her new life, with her new partner. The time difference will handicap our freedom to chat freely. Our lives responsibilities will interfere with our abilities to meet when we want. The ability to conquer distance, will be stymied by financial restraint.
.

I find it almost impossible to belive that after 28 years here tonight I found the different hemispheres with their geographical and time difference such a painful personal cost.

I will get over it, but just goes to show, theres more ramifications in this migration lark than one bargains for.

Hi Ozzieeagle, what a poignant post!

I can totally identify with this from your daughters' perspective. I have not lived in the same country as my parents since I was 19 (bar two years when we were all living in the UK). Leaving has always broken my heart (even though I have an ultra rocky relationship with my folks).

We are moving from Cape Town to Brisbane in seven weeks' time and your post really echoes my worries about the time difference - at least here I can call my mum/dad whenever I feel like it.

I read your post with interest as my mother is finding it very difficult to deal with the fact that I am leaving for Oz in May. I know it will always be hard but it is good to read thoughts like yours as to what people actually go through. Your daughter has to do what is right for her, I am nearing 30 and going to Brisbane with my husband, because its what we have to do, we would regret not trying! Its where our hearts are.

My mother cannot understand that the pull of a country can be stronger than the pull of family but it is a lot more involved than that. I don't see it as leaving my family, just living elswhere to experience new things to share with them in the future. I'm not even gone yet and its already a very complex thing this emigrating business - I'm sure it makes everyone all the more stonger for having the experience! the other thing that doesn't help is that I don't show emotion too much, unlike my mum who'll cry at anything! So she thinks i don't care. But I do, deeply.

I wish you guys and your daughter all the best

I know where you are coming from.

I lived in Oz from 1970 through to 1992 and then returned to the UK, my marriage had broken up, amicably thank goodness.

Our two boys stayed with mum but we kept in touch regularly and i got them over to the UK three times for holidays.

Im now retired and living in France and my boys are both in Oz, one in Canberra ,one in Melbourne.The eldest , 26 was in the UK for 2 years and then came to stay with us in France for a while before going back to Oz.
As i am now in my early 60s and have had a few heart problems , i know im not going to last forever and when i took him back to the airport in Paris, it was not the easiest of goodbyes but we managed,!!.

I now ,with the wonder of modern technology, the PC and Skype, we talk every week and with the web cam we can sit and have a brew or a beer and watch each other laugh and pull faces at each other, he even did a tour of his house with his laptop so we could see what his home and garden is like.

So really the world is a lot better than it used to be, i remember trying to ring my mum from Melbourne in 1970, it was a nightmare.

So chin up , get your daughter to get the PC organized and you can both have a real mum/daughter chinwag.

I know ive rambled on but there are ways of getting a personal touch to your chats.

All the best.

Beautifully Put!

Your post has touched me ozzieeagle.

Twenty-two years ago, when l left for distant shores with boundless energy, inscrutable optimism and a burning desire to discover, I never fully realised what my mum was feeling at the time. She wished me all her love and said that as long as I am happy then that is all that matters. I smiled and turned to go with eyes wide open. When the energy became a matter of economics, the optimism a mortgage and discovery came with wife and sons of my own, I reflect and understand the depth of her words. And she still says it to this day but now I can now feel the tears behind her eyes and appreciate a caring mothers unconditional love in return - not something as a growing boy I could easily understand.

The toughest goodbye's, for me, are at the last moment every four or five years I go back to see her. Or saying goodbye at my fathers grave because I couldn't get back home in time to hold his feeble hand. Or, in fact, every time I think of my parents and send a silent prayer. But I have learnt a lesson in life and that if my sons ever want to go abroad to live, I shall also wish them well and think of their happiness before mine.

The internet is a wonderful thing, a phone call as simple as can be, a letter or card is special and international flower delivery a real treat! But the feelings and respect I have grown because of my decision 22 years ago runs deeper and lasts longer - my heart is overwhelmed on every hello and breaks on every goodbye. Writing this has some cathartic effect but I suspect you already know that by submitting your post. Have a good life - I am

Hi ozzie, I understand exactly where you are coming from

In our time here we left with a toddler who saw my parents quite a few years on and he 'knew" them from pictures but he didnt KNOW them. My parents and kids stood on their doorstep strangers. They have missed our kids childhood - 2 trips to UK in 7 years is not a ongoing relationship.

I saw my Dad age, then went back twice as he was expected to die. Saying those goodbyes tore my heart out.

I saw my Mam cut basically me ( and then the kids at xmas/birthdays ) out of her life because of the pain I caused by doing this. I dont blame her its shes not jealous of my fabby llife in the sun shes lost her grandkids.

We considered leaving OZ but my eldest son by then had a partner, further education to complete, if we put UK family back in our life we lost him.

Now its possible he may go to the Uk to live, by now the younger two are so aussie 'educated' humm i dont really think the transition to UK education in senior high school grades would be possible, possible perhaps but with severe ramifications.

It just goes on and bloody on really.

The cost of airfares for a family out of OZ is easily 10 grand in school hols, (plus all the other costs of an overseas trip making it almost double that) keeping in physical contact is more expensive than most can afford and thats something people dont appreciate till they get here. I was one of the "its only a flight away" type before I came here, stupid :curse: in other words.

I guess I am made your bed lie in it type, words my man flung in my face often as we left, after we left. We just get on with it. I no longer expect the feelings to go away instead we work 2 jobs and a business to try and keep the odd trip to the UK a reality. If we can ever afford to retire I know what my life will be, an old bat travelling back and forth between relatives shattered across the world. I spend my life as a total health freak so my chances of doing that are possible, seriously daily dedication, to the saving and the health.

Chin up ozzie and start saving to go see her

I'll bet your daughter is on the plane now thinking just the same as you - no matter how exciting the pull of her life in London, she will be hating leaving behind the people she loves.

Hi ozzieeagle,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm moving to Australia to be with a man my parents don't approve of. Only about 2 years after I first decided about it, have they started talking to me again. Our relationship is slowly improving now that my time with them is finite. Thank God for budget airlines and the internet now.

Janice

Great post Ozzie. I've not had a goodbye session at an airport yet. I'm dreading a hello one when we go visit later in the year ! I imagine the way you're feeling is similar to how parents feel when their baby gets married, regardless of where they are living but obviously the distance is a killer blow.

Take care.

If it's any consolation at all mate, within a few years there is a very good chance that her life partner will be on this forum inquiring about spouse visas.

Buzzy

Wow such an insightful post it had me greetin!

Ginny

Hi, we too will be leaving ALL our family and ALL our friends behind in London very soon. The worst will be my parents and younger brother. We are all very close and so too are our kids, 5 and 2.5. They love their uncle and grandparents and spend weekdays with them as they act as carers while we work. My mum will be worst to part with, both myself and her are very emotional, and I can still remember the day I got married 8 years ago, and the flood of emotion and tears...I couldn't let go of my dad or mum...my younger brother too....

When I think of what the "goodbye" at the airport will be like, I always get a "sick" feeling, and huge lump in my throat...I know we are going to Oz to improve lifestyle, change for kids etc, but my folks have always been there, always...and even though I'm a mum now, it will be hard for them and me...having kids of our own makes you really realise how hard it can be for family to part...

We have NO family in Perth, no friends either...just beginning to make contacts wit other expats...but are 100% on leaving. So there is a strong feeling that things will work out, but guess trying to avoid the unavoidable "goodbye" at the airport....I know like other posters have said, there is always the net and calls, but the kids will have lost the "touch" and magic moments with g/parents, the feel and belonging...makes you wonder why you are taking all of this away....both myself and OH grew up without g/parents ( they were not living in UK) and so now are not even close to them, but seeing our kids-they have the opportunity to be with them which we are taking away...it will be hard, there is no doubt about it....best of luck to all in similar situations as it can't be easy...

Thanks all, hope everything goes well for everyone at those fraught times at airports. Feeling a lot better today. Just seen the youngest two off to school and life is returning to a warm state of familiarity. The main thing I've learned from this experience, is it's very important to keep separated siblings in as close contact as possible, especially those with a large age difference.

Theres not much one can do about the unforeseen, except to expect it. When our Daughter went to the UK to enhance her career, getting a life partner was the furthest thing on our minds. To witness the changes that kind of commitment brings in one hit is quite confronting. I guess the younger the person the greater chance of personal change.

We'll spend plenty of time together in the future. I just hope that most people that go through this separation of family find a good solution as well.

Hi,

This is the very reason that we have decided not to have anybody take us to the airport when we leave the UK. It will be bad enough saying goodbye to my mum dad and brothers at the house. I want the moment we leave our hometown to be the start of our new adventure. I could not bear to have the kids crying as they get on the plane waving off their grandparents.

God, just typing this now is making me fill up!! I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end