Originally Posted by Fiona&malc

just spoken to mum on the webcam there, she was giving me an update on how my brother is (understandably) heartbroken and then she came out with the comment.... well thats me and your dad back to having no grandchildren !!!! i got really angry at this and told her that regardless of what happens or where in the world we are, our 2 children and my brothers child will ALWAYS be their grandchildren, ive got a bloody thunping headache now, talk about making you mad

im off to have some panadol and a glass of wine

Originally Posted by Fiona&malc

just spoken to mum on the webcam there, she was giving me an update on how my brother is (understandably) heartbroken and then she came out with the comment.... well thats me and your dad back to having no grandchildren !!!! i got really angry at this and told her that regardless of what happens or where in the world we are, our 2 children and my brothers child will ALWAYS be their grandchildren, ive got a bloody thunping headache now, talk about making you mad

im off to have some panadol and a glass of wine

Originally Posted by Fiona&malc

We've been in Oz now for a year and a half, and had our ups and downs like everyone else, but now we are getting to a stage where we feel 'settled', we are enjoying our jobs, have made friends and have a social life again, and neither of us have any desire to return to the UK, the kids are happy, have friends and love the school they go to, however, when we moved out here, my parents (in particular my dad) took it very badly, so much so that my dad was prescibed anti depressants, which made me feel like a complete b!tch for 'leaving them', they have got slightly better, but whenever we talk to them on the phone or the webcam, there is always a question or comment made asking us when we will be returning, it gets to the point where you dread talking to them, which is awful. Its not as if im an only child, i have brothers too, but anyway, last night i was talking to my mum on the webcam and she drops the bombshell that one of my brothers will be separating from his wife!! they havnt made it offical, nor does anyone know about it yet (i am not even supposed to know!!) and then my mum tells me it would be easier if we were here, that me and malc could go talk to them both and help sort it out- see this was the thing that used to really pi$$ me off, we would always be expected to help sort out any 'mess' or help out in any crisis. Then later that night, i get an email from my brother (the one who is separating) asking me how we are and also, when are we coming back home as things are not the same without us and they all really miss us and im missing out on seeing my niece grow up etc etc, this is just so unfair, we are really trying to make a go of our new life and loving out here, but yet im constantly getting asked when we are coming back, it constantly puts damper on things, i mean the thought of going back does not appeal as we have a far better quality of life here, but if anything happened healthwise to my parents i would feel responsible
i apologise for this thread, as normally i make my posts light hearted, but needed to 'offload' somewhere to people who (hopefully) understand.
You would think after a year and a half they would find it easier to accept that we are here, and i appreciate that having family around is very important when something like this happens, but im made to fell guilty for not being there to help sort things out, or for moral support, it sucks !!!

anyway, got that off my chest

fee

Originally Posted by Margaret2

Fiona i have just read this and feel sick I haven't told my family yet, and i am glad coz my mum is in hospital and if i had told her before her hospitilization, me and everyone else would blame the fact that i am emigrating.

Things are motoring on with us now and we will fly in Nov , when am I going to tell them??? I don't know!!!

I do alot of the caring for my mother, and the family will be furious that i am bailing out, like you i have a big guilt complex about everything anyway

I don't understand why they are making you feel sooo bad, coz it sounds like there is quite a few of them and all in good health (although personal circumstances not great, but everyone goes through these). They have alot to be thankful for , try not to let them make you feel too bad

Originally Posted by Fiona&malc

just spoken to mum on the webcam there, she was giving me an update on how my brother is (understandably) heartbroken and then she came out with the comment.... well thats me and your dad back to having no grandchildren !!!! i got really angry at this and told her that regardless of what happens or where in the world we are, our 2 children and my brothers child will ALWAYS be their grandchildren, ive got a bloody thunping headache now, talk about making you mad

im off to have some panadol and a glass of wine

Originally Posted by Margaret2

I do alot of the caring for my mother, and the family will be furious that i am bailing out, like you i have a big guilt complex about everything anyway

Originally Posted by iPom

Oh Margaret ... I so feel for you.
If they're so furious then it's only because they'll have to make an effort themselves ... It's probably been so convenient with you doing all the hard work.

Selfish people need to get a life.

Originally Posted by Margaret2

Ohhhhhhhhhnooooooooo, now I feel guilty coz some of you on here might think that, that's not the case, honest

My mother has never kept good health, so much so, we were fostered out when we were little, i was lucky enough to be looked after by my Gran , then when she died my Aunt (who is fabulous), anyway said aunt, still lives across the road from my mum and both her and her husband (mum's bros), and both now 71 help every day with mum, I like to take my turn so to speak, as they have been caring for our family, one way or another all our lives, as well as their own children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

My bros stays even further away from mum than me, i stay about 30 miles away , him (don't know how many miles), but a 2 hour drive anyway, and he gets through as often as poss and does as much as he can.

My sis, aka, ionaskye, comes home from the States every year for 2 weeks and stays with mum to give everyone a break, she is due over on Tuesday

The only selfish person is really my mum, who takes all this for granted and keeps asking for more (and I feel guilty saying that)

Originally Posted by WendyC

You shouldn't feel guilty Margaret, your Mum is an adult and you are her kid. She should be the one that feels guilty for putting all this pressure on other people. I know she is ill, but that is not your fault just as much as it's not hers.

Originally Posted by Margaret2

Ohhhhhhhhhnooooooooo, now I feel guilty coz some of you on here might think that, that's not the case, honest

My mother has never kept good health, so much so, we were fostered out when we were little, i was lucky enough to be looked after by my Gran , then when she died my Aunt (who is fabulous), anyway said aunt, still lives across the road from my mum and both her and her husband (mum's bros), and both now 71 help every day with mum, I like to take my turn so to speak, as they have been caring for our family, one way or another all our lives, as well as their own children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

My bros stays even further away from mum than me, i stay about 30 miles away , him (don't know how many miles), but a 2 hour drive anyway, and he gets through as often as poss and does as much as he can.

My sis, aka, ionaskye, comes home from the States every year for 2 weeks and stays with mum to give everyone a break, she is due over on Tuesday

The only selfish person is really my mum (and me), who takes all this for granted and keeps asking for more (and I feel guilty saying that)

Originally Posted by Vanessa

How selfish of them all. They should realise that you have your own family now that takes precedence over them. If your brother and his wife are having marriage troubles then surely their best bet would be go to somewhere like Relate, who are professionals in their field. Are they really suggesting that by you returning to the UK all their problems will be solved and they will want to live happily ever after. If they can/want to make a go of their marriage then they will do, whether you are around or not.

I am afraid to say that you are going to have to be truthful with your family about how you feel, whether they like it or not. It's called 'tough love' and sometimes that is the only way to go.

With regards to your family (parents in particular) getting ill. Yes they probably will do one day but this will happen whether you are in the UK or Australia - The UK is only a day away and if needs be you will be able to get home relatively quickly.

Think about what is best for you and your husband and children - not your extended family.

Finally - DON'T LET THE BUGGERS GET YOU DOWN!

Originally Posted by David and Lynsey

Hear, Hear!
We are not yet in Oz, but are starting to realise how this situation happens.
We have already galvanised ourselves to the extended family
Your family has moved with you- as ours will, 2 girls 1 and 7, 1 boy 2(hopefully!)
It may be hard but think of all your grandchildren that will be growing up in the laid back atmosphere and thank you for it.

Originally Posted by ELLJAY

Saying that - you have to prepare yourself for the fact that your children (and mine) may choose to live elsewhere in the future - and we will have to face life without our respective grandchildren :scared:

from....another Linsey!

Originally Posted by David and Lynsey

You are right, but would like to fhink that we would be supportive of where the kids want to live, not give them a hard time about it.
Having said that we would be gutted if they chose to go back permanently!

Originally Posted by ELLJAY

Are you really on at 2.30am :scared:

yeah - i agree with you. it's a very tricky area. My Dad said to my mum "I thought Linsey said she'd always look after us when we're old". I did - but that was so LAST YEAR! things change...doesnt stop you feeling guilty though.

L-j