me and hubby want to emigrate in the next two years have a cousin living in nsw who will sponsor us i am a med sec and he is an electrician. we have three kids, 14,10,8 only problem is 14 year old daughter is reluctant to even think about it we have screaming matches, she wants to be left here, i know its that terrible age but time is running out for us and we are both 40 anyone had the same problem

J

difficult one this one, there are posters on this site who have got teenage kids I am sure you will be inundated with advice. 14 is a very difficult age, I still have vivid memories of that time in my life and I'm now 35.

Try sitting her down but before bombarding her with questions put her at ease by saying you don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want and wouldn't force you opinions on her. The ask her OPEN questions to get her talking i.e. What does she like about this country. What does she want to do when she gets older. How does she think she will feel in 2 years, What does she feel would be the worst/best points to moving, where would she like to raise her family when she is older etc etc.
I know they are deep questions and some soul searching ones for such young girl, but obviously I appreciate that some kids just know what they want in life. If she doesn't know then maybe you could help her find the answers. I didn't know what I wanted when I was 14, I felt totally lost and out of touch with my parents, who I adore dearly now (and by the way are also from Liverpool). Maybe thats is why she won't consider sher doesn't know what she wants out of life yet.

Anyway I hope this helps

Keep us posted with the progress.

Jo B

Why not apply now anyway, give her a bit of time to get used to the idea, go for a validation trip when you get your visa to show her what to expect,,then come home. If she is still dead against it you have validated your visa so you then have 5 years within which time to return. By then she will be old enough to make a mature (ish) decision about going, if she doesnt decide in the next year or two.

sue

good advice.

If you and your husband are sure it's what you want to do, I think you should go for it. I don't know whether you've been watching the series 'A New Life Down Under', but from what I can remember there were many teenagers who have made the move with their family and they seem to settle in a lot easier than anyone else and made friends really easilt and seetled in school well etc. Maybe you could get some info on the good points of NSW and show her. It must be really hard, I would have hated to be apart from my friends at 14, it's such a difficult age. I wish you luck anyway.

Interestingly, it can start as early as 9 years old. My eldest who is 10 this year has been adamant for the last 10 months that he wouldn't want to come with us and that we should sign the house over to him so that he can stay with his friends and go to the same school. It is very difficult if you've always stayed in the same place and made really close friends especially if friends mums get on aswell. We've just talked about it quite naturally and involved him in any conversations and sold the opportunities that he'll have whilst living in Oz, like surfing, which seemed to be the most obvious activity for a 9 year old, however, that did encourage him to have a bit of a nightmare, where he dreamt I had gone surfing, fell off the board and got chewed up by a shark to which my husband had to save me but unfortunately left the sea with me in his arms and a shark standing upright on his head
We've let him know that if he decides later on when he's old enough to go back to the UK then we'll do what we can to support him.

Probably haven't been any help, but might make you giggle a bit!!!

Sam (DID)

thanks for your advice sue i will try this approach i am hoping in the next 12 months she will have changed her views about life to be honest i would have been so excited about moving away at that age even though i had good friends i think i am more ambitious than she was the problem is my husband works away all the time and i am left on my own the kids which i don't mind but the nights get lonely and i have no social life

That's exactly what I was going to say.

It can take so long to get the visas and prepare to emigrate: She will have time to get used to the idea and start to think through what she wants to do with her life. You can explain that you need to include her in your application to keep her options open when the time comes.

My two daughters were all for it originally but are now both determined that they're not going. At 18 and 16 they feel know what they want to do with their lives; however they have until their visas expire in 2008 to change their minds.

So teenagers' views can change completely. If you're sure you want to go, apply now anyway and see what happens.

Good luck,

Elaine

thanks elaine
i would just hate her to be terribly unhappy once we got there
yet i know i am doing it for her future

As others have said, it seems often the kids settle more easily as they make friends quickly through school.

It seems the secret to settling in when you emigrate is to take every opportunity to meet and make friends with local folk. Kids do this more naturally than adults who are reluctant to ask each other about their history - where do you come from, how long have you been here etc for fear of seeming too nosy.

In the end no-one knows how we will like our new home until we get there; all we can do is give ourselves the best chance by anticipating possible problems and thinking how to tackle them if they arise.

In the meantime I personally wouldn't go on about emigrating; just let her know you're applying, including her in the application, then give her some space to think about it while it all goes through. Nearer the time you can have a much calmer discussion about the options if she's still of the same opinion.

Take care,

Elaine

We have been in Oz for just over 7 months now, have two boys aged 13 and 15, they were very keen to go right up until the last minute, probably the last 2 weeks, then it was tears etc, they have settled into school really well, my youngest has his up and down time there, but i can honestly say my oldest has settled better than any of us, and never wants to go back. We are both in our 40's and felt time is running out, told them we would give it two years get the citizenship, then go back to the uk for a holiday to decide where we want to settle. At least when you have citizenship you can come and go as you please!

I`m constantly amazed at how many Brits are emigrating to France/Spain/Canada/Australia....

Don`t know what the exact stats are, but I heard on tv it was 120,000 a year. Amazing.

Meanwhile there are many more asylum seekers and asians arriving every day. Maybe there`s a correlation there, or maybe ppl are really unhappy about the standard of living or something here. I`m curious to find out.