Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Cheers alan and sam and thanks herrchook. No doubt everything will sort itself (I hope). My parents are over at the minute (they live in France) haven't told them yet but will be next week. God, I hope it goes better with them. Like I said before haven't mentioned this to anyone i.e family or friends so it is quite difficult. Even harder now with MIL taking it badly

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Your brother has a really good point I must say

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

it was hard for us too but - its got easier - who knows maybe they will come to the place for a visit and fall in love with to and you can sponsor them for a parent visa or maybe a retirement visa.?????
obviously i dont know situation but we eased ours by getting them to agree to a visit to us within the year and now they are excited and feel involved - just an idea. :beer:
whatever you do - follow your heart - life is too short to think what if - ?

probably doesnt seem like it now but promise it will get easier :)

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Hi Mick/Lynne I think you just need to give your in laws a bit of time to come to terms with your news,I left Bradford 34 years ago I'm probably old enough to be your mum, my mum had 4 daughters and I had there only grandchild a boy to boot but she gave me her blessing but she cried for days she did come to visit us in Germany or anywhere else we were stationed then 8 years ago my youngest went to OZ and i realised what she went through we gave him our blessing and have been out to see him 4 times and are in the process of going out there ourselves on a parent contribution visa.
My mum and dad are now in there 70 and have told us to go for it you only live once and mum will come out to oz for her grandsons wedding in November.
I wish you both the best of luck I hope your MIL gives you her blessing
Janet :)

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Positive vibes from a Bradford lass. Used to be one myself (Cottingley). Much appreciated words. Thanks

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

When we told my parents they were very supportive saying stuff like "if we were your age we would do the same thing" and "you're doing the right thing". My mother is especially looking forward to visiting. I have no idea if it is all front but if it is we are grateful that they are not putting us through the hassle of a guilt trip.

My wife delayed telling the MIL for quite some time as my FIL passed away during the process of applying. When she finally told my MIL my MIL just went very quiet for a while and then said that she wouldn't come and visit us in Oz as she's too old. No shock there as she won't visit us in England (she lives in Germany, we offer to pay for her tickets and at 63 she certainly is not too old). That's her choice. It may have hit her hard as our son is the only grandson and as my wifes sister is 37 and doesn't want kids he is likely to be the only grandchild (until we have more).

My wife and I have lived in seven countries between us, due to work, and therefore were rarely in England or Germany so we know what it is like to be living away from our home countries. I have a very good relationship with my parents and speak often on the phone and I wouldn't say that our relationship has worsened.

Darren

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Well I could write a book on this subject and bore you all to death with tales of emotional blackmail etc, but I wont! We left the UK in 1990 and due to the promise of work not materialising, as it was promissed, we retuned to the UK 8 days (YES EIGHT) later!! We came back here 15 months later to a proper job offer and settled in Brisbane. Nobody can deny that the wrench of leaving your parents (both sets) and depriving them of watching their grandchildren grow up, tears you to pieces. The only thing that keeps you going is the feeling that you are bettering your family's lifestyle and future opportunities for your children and their children. I was VERY close to my Dad and sadly he passed away just last October. He and my Mum have been out here many times and he admitted to me that I had made the right decision to leave the UK. That wasn't easy for him because we have the only Grandsons in the family. My wife's Mum & Dad have also been out here and also can see why we made the move. At the end of the day...........you have to do what you feel is best for you and your direct family. The only word of caution I can offer is, only do it IF you BOTH feel that you are sure its the right decision. Again...............I could give you countless stories of failed attempts to settle on the other side of the world because one of the couple couldn't settle and "never really wanted to come in the first place". Just as long as you focus on setting up your new life as an adventure and enjoy it, you will carry yourselves through the tough times ahead. Condition your minds to depression due to feelings of guilt and you are doomed to failure.

Hope to have helped with this.

Trevor Jones

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Imagine if your parents talk you out of going to Oz by playing the guilt card, how they will never see you or the grand kids again etc, then a few years later for various reasons you find you are no longer able to immigrate to OZ,
then your parents both get retirement visas to OZ and send you postcards from the gold coast telling you what a great time they are having.

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

For me I am still finding it hard after 4-5 months of being here, when I ring my parents i feel guilty and its strained conversion on the phone to mum and dad i feel doesn't want to talk to me as it just reminds him that we are over here, my parents are not in the best of health and I feel guilty for wanting to get on with my life.

I find it hard to say anything good and exciting cause that just makes the guilt even bigger and our phone calls are becoming less and less frequent. Paul

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Your "family" are your husband and children, do whats right for you and your family, if people dont like it, then thats not your problem. We only live once and we HAVE to make the most of it. We emigrated 20 months ago and havent regretted it for one second in all that time. Australia is a wonderful place for children and adults. Your parents/inlaws have had the same options open to them years ago, and chosen to "stick to what they know" Thats for them, now its your turn. They will soon be on a plane to visit, and when they see how happy you all are over here, they will be pleased for you........GO FOR IT.

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

I know exactly where you are coming from Paul.The only thing you can do is to sink yourself into your life over here and try to stay focused on your goals. Reassure your families that you miss them dreadfully and try explaining to them that it is actually harder for you than it is for them.

Its not as easy for some to have Cadbury's Fingers outlook.........but if that works for him/her then who are we to criticise.

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Loads of us have been through a similar reaction. Certainly my inlaws were the the same. MIL crying, FIL just sitting there like a damp teacloth. A year later and she still cant bring herself to talk about it. Thing is FIL is better, he acts like the link between us. He says she is coming to terms with it. She better, as we aint changing our minds for her!

My parents however were the opposite, but then they dont come form england anyway and moved here to make a better life for themselves. They totally understand our reasons for wanting to go..

My advice would be...
make sure you have discussed every possible angle with your partner. So you are saying the same things to them

Decide what you are going to do if a parent dies (or at least have a standard comment ready - ours was "If there is the possibility of time off work and flights available at a price that wouldnt make us overdrawn we would of course come back. If that wasnt possible we would take the time to go to a local church and say some prayers for them

we had several a standard phrases ready.

But for us it was more important to ensure we werent got on our own i nthe first few months with the MIL. She tried so hard to play us off against each other. We just used to be really blunt and call to each other "Hey Oliver, your mum wants to know stuff about australia, do you want to come so we can talk about our plans together" Im sure it used to p*ss her of but she started to make things very hard for us so we were even more determined to show a united front.

Hope i havent rambled too much

Lisa.x

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

I think the other thing to add is that my parents could have been in Oz 25 years ago, but they decided not to "because of their parents being upset"

Most of my family went as £10 Poms and most came back home as well because it was too hot !! lol

I bet if you had an in depth coversation with them they might have been on the boat too !!

My parents and the IL's both said "dont make the same mistake we did", and every person I tell, says "I wish I was doing that, I dont blame you"

Follow what your heart desires for your family, you have to be selfish for your family you two and your kids, you are starting a new generation !!

In fact all my family moved from London, I was the only Sussex born and bred maybe I should be upset that they moved from London ! The reason they moved was because it was better for the family to be near the sea...

WELL FANCY THAT !!

Good luck to you both, we will stay in touch !! Timelines are similiar !!

Nick

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

"Snap" - I must have stated the same thing in one form another many times now. Just because they chose to live their life their way is no reason for us to. I had no qualms at all telling mine or hers, neither did she. They know where we are and they are coming to visit - I never gave 'leaving them and taking their grandson' a first thought, never mind a second. Live for yourself!!! :D

Re: Telling the parents!!!!
 

Hi,

New to forum.

We moved from UK to Ireland in 2000.

I told my MIL as husband couldn't bring himself. She was very upset and his sister was upset at us for uspsetting her.......We are 5 1/2 years here and have loved every minute. The In-Laws came for a week at New Year, and this was the first time in all the visits that they seem very relaxed and finally accepted that we live here and are happy. I has take 5 long years......

And we have had a positive TRA on 6th Feb, and visa application was posted on the 8th Feb...........

And NO I am not telling the In Laws this time....................

My parents have been told, and they are OK but starting to think about the grandkids.............

We are leaving the In Laws for a couple of more months..........

S