mick69

Decided to tell the in-laws today about our plans for Australia after receiving a positive back from TRA. Told them and the MIL just walked out of the room in tears saying she can't believe it. Stopped and finished our drinks then left without seeing her or saying goodbye. FIL said for us to leave it for the time being until the news had sunk in. Mick just doesn't know what to do now, doesn't want to upset his family. Haven't told my parents yet as that is coming next week!!!!
We knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard either. We are stuck in limbo at the minute as so confused. We know its the best opportunity we have and don't want to have "what ifs" the kids are at the right age to go as they are still young and can adapt quickly. Thats why the MIL is upset because they will miss the kids and vice versa but then its back to the "what ifs". don't know what to do.
Lynne

Suni&Jay

You must do what is right for you and your kids, like you said never look back on life and say "what if"
Good luck with whatever you decide.
P.S. I think it's a great place for kids to grow up

sparks124

if you keep focusing on the "what ifs" then you'll allow parents/in laws to talk you out of it.you must remain focused on what you want and the reasons that you want to go. if you have gone as far as to get a TRA assessment then there must have been alot of thought gone into it already.
once things have carmed down some what you'll have to sit down with them and explain your reasons for going.
after all the world is a much smaller place now days and with web cams etc keeping in contact is so much easier.

good luck for the future.

mick69

Thanks Sparks and Suni & Jay for your comments, I think thats what I need at the minute a little bit of a pick me up. Feeling really down at the minute. Like you have said we will wait until things have calmed down and hopefully they will understand our reasons.

belleandscone

Hi, for what it's worth, there are 2 women at my work who had applied and been granted visa's years ago to go to Oz, but didn't go - one girl because of her mum, she did the whole guilt trip thing so she didn't go and admits they were not close then and things havent improved since, needlless to say she definately regrets it. The other woman didn't go because she fell pregnant and didn't want to leave her family, and she does regret it, but once she had the kids she felt she couldn't leave the UK.

So don't let anyone talk you out of it, this is your decision for your family, and don't fall for the guilt trip thing, when they come and visit on holiday they will realise you did the right thing and probably wish they has the opportunity themselves.

Hope this helps.
Clairex

cakeychef

Hi, i told my mum over the phone & after i had a couple of glasses of wine. The only reason i told her was because she had asked me,

'what's happening with the Australia thing'!
'Not a lot' i replied.

Then i felt guilty all day, so eventually told her.
she said she didn't know what to say & was obvioulsy upset & disheartened in her voice.
Later I phone my sister, who then siad mum had cried to her for the previous ten minutes.

1 week later she had got over it & quite happily talked about all apsects of myself, wife & 2 young children moving & living in Oz.

So, I am sure your mum will feel better soon, & that she will understand that it wasn't easy for you to tell her either,

good luck.
Simon

rugbymad

Mick/Lynne,
It's all been said before but just focus on what you want and whats best for you and yours,we are going through it big time with mil so bad now she has upset our kids and they don't want to see her! Life is for living and not a dress rehearsal,you pass this way but once,go live your lifes and be happy,it'll be alright in the end,keep smiling matey

BRICKY ADE

Hi Lynne

Just do what your heart thinks is best for you and YOUR family, and if you still end up following your dreams just remind everyone that your only a plane ride away. Also the better still, is to set up MSN and the web cams so you can talk and see one another any time of the day every day (thats if you want to that is. LOL)

Hope this helps to put things in perspective and choose wisely.

BRICKY ADE

nick72

Feel for you both..

We told our parents 3 months ago and I dont think it sunk in properly. Now we have applied for TRA and hoping to send in main application in Feb, they realise we are doing it for real.

Kids are 7 and 9 and taking them away from their grandparents is the hardest thing we are doing, however the way we look at it is, this is not the place our children should grow up and we need to do whats right for them.

Not to sound morbid because I love my parents dearly but they maybe only have another 15 - 20 years left, my kids hopefully have 75 - 80 years left. I need to make the decision based on my children not my parents.

With the internet and telephone systems the world is a much smaller place, I know my parents will be upset, but also pleased that we are making the decision to have a better life for our family ie my wife and 2 children.

So I am in thought with you and hope everything works out for the best.

Cheers.

Nick

rugbymad

Good post Mate!

mick69

Our kids are 3 & 4 and MIL looks after them while I work. She has spent all her time with them since they were born thats probably the reason why she is so upset. It is going to be hard taking them away from their grandparents but like Nick has said this isn't what we want our kids to grow up around. Don't get me wrong, I know there is good and bad places everywhere but this option would give them a good few years of how things should be. Again, thanks for all the advice. Its just what we need and its also good to chat to others in the same situation. We haven't told anybody else yet so can't discuss it elsewhere.

rugbymad

Thers always someone on here who'll listen and give good sound advise,keep smiling people!

Sam

It's when i read posts like this that i count my blessings (sort of)

We don't really have any contact with Alan's family at all so they no absolutly nothing about our pathway to Oz, and as Alan said sod them when they find out (which will be when the for sale sign goes up soon)

My family have been brill, we've told them from the start what we were doing, and whilst they are all really devistated that we're going they havn't actually said so (yet) i'm really really close to my mum (she lives in the adjoining semi) but still wants what is best for us and the girls! (is so hard for her too)

so am glad that we havn't had any negative responses to our hopeful move (yet)

They will come around when they realise that they can get on a plane and visit any time !

herrchook

My in laws are reacting in pretty much the same way, but I just wanted to share something my own Dad said last week - "We're gutted that you're going, but we understand you believe it's the best thing for YOUR family. No ever told your Mum and I how to run our lives so we're not going to do that to you, whatever makes you happy, we'll support"

I nearly cried - My Dad's not a man of many words and I know that these were probably amongst the hardest he's ever had to say, the saddness was written all over his face.

Keep talking to them, is probably the best advice I can give. Hope it all works out well.

Sleeping Beauty

ditto all the above really.

just wanted to post what my older brother said to me when i first mentioned going over to australia (where he now lives).

we have been deliberating over this decision for quite a few years. hubbie would have gone right at the beginning, but i am very close to my parents, so i could not make the step. however, i called my brother one night and asked him how he could leave us/our parents (he left about 12 years ago to go to NZ). he said it was very hard, but you have to think, YOUR family is within your 4 walls. THAT is your family. you put YOUR family first, above all else. this is the thought which is carrying me through this. we discussed it with my parents, and they said 'well if you are going, we will come with you!'

we will see what pans out, but my brother's comment really sticks in my mind.

good luck
xx