perthies

Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone else had the same problem,we came here nearly 2years ago with 2 teenagers (now 17 &20) my 20 year old has been back in the UK for the past 6 month and the 17 yr old will soon be going, they say its not like home and would rarther be there, We dont know what to do because we love it here and they say we have messed up their lives.We have thought about going back many times,because whats life without your kids around.We have explained to them they need to get their citizenship and they have agree under presure!!

Teri

I think no matter where you live in the world, many healthy young adults are more than likely going to explore the world after school. So if you lived in the UK - you would probably find them wanting to go elsewhere after school - I left my home country for a while and returned years later and so did many others that I know. And those that did not - regretted it many years later. I don't think you should make any decisions until they have settled after a few years. Make it an absolute "family rule" that holidays are spent together - one holiday you go there and one holiday they come here.

And don't blame yourself - even if they blame you. Just think it coincidental - and remind yourself that even if you lived in the UK - they probably would have left the UK and gone somewhere else. I bet if you stay right where you are - enjoy your life and show them everytime they visit Aus - how great it is - and then as they mature a little I bet they will want to return.

Good Luck - Chin up!

Phoenixuk2oz

Oh yes...I know EXACTLY how you feel

We have our feet in two camps cos we brought one of ours over here and left the other.

We planned to come out as a complete family, then 2 weeks before departure our 17.5 year old decided he wanted to stay in UK [he had a GF ]

So...we had two options.

Option 1; drag him kicking and screaming to Aus, only for him to return to UK 6 months later, homeless.

Option 2; Let him go find his own feet in life but set him up with a home so at least he had somewhere to live.

Believe me, option 2 was the hardest decision of our life

To leave our eldest boy [nearly 18] 12,000 miles away to fend for himself took some letting go but we figured if you keep a bird caged up, eventually as soon as the cage is open they fly off anyways. One year on I can now speak from experience.

My son has grown up considerably, he sounds so much older and more wiser and I'm amazed at how considerate he now is. In hindsight it's been an incredibly mentally tough challenge [and ongoing] but one we're now glad we took. And it hasn't been easy......for him or for us. However, one year on we have no regrets. Absolutely none

Our other lad who's 16.5 has also found it difficult at first to settle here in Aus,and although one year down the road he's much better, he still wants to go back to UK eventually. He says he would retire here in Aus, but can earn more in UK so wants to go back. Fair enough. It's his choice even if it's not ours but once again we'll support him whichever way we can.

The one thing we have always said, is if the boys EVER want to come here to live then the airfare is here, paid for. Their home is here if they need it, wherever in the world that may be.

Then we also had to come to terms with "where do we live"?

As parents of grown up kids we have decided we need to think about our hopes and dreams and what we want to do in the Autumn of our lives. We love Aus and have no desire to move back to UK. And surprisingly our boys have supported this too and I've no doubt this was as tough for them as it was for us

So....the morale of the story is that letting go isn't easy..... whether you're a parent or a "child".

The key is to just make sure you each know you're always there for each other when needed.

In a nutshell...... the miles are just an obstacle...not impossible

Hope this helps somehow perthies?...and best of luck to you all.

Phoenix

soapy©

how many times have i heard this line
our lot are like that, but only when we are having a set too with them. any other time they love it here.
i have decided to write down all the hurtful things my kids say to me now and i will show them it later he he cant wait till they come runnin with their teen probs....oot the book will come
do what your head tells u. u brought them here for a better life, if that gives them a choice, then well done to u. they didnt have it in the uk.
good luck

mand8002

Hi
We too left children in the UK. Hannah 18 and Fiona 10 came with us but two stayed in the UK for the time being. One is 20 and the other 16, and the reason the 16yr old stayed is that she is at boarding school anyway and wanted to finish her education there first, but we had to make the move now for visa requirements. They have both said they will come at some point but realistically I don't think the 16yr old will stay.........but hey she might so no point worrying about that at the moment.
Everyone is happy with how things are and contrary to what a lot of so called friends think, we have not abandoned our children. They are approaching adulthood and fully know what they want out of life but also consider other people and realise that this journey is one we wish to make.
I fully understand what you are going through but quite often things work out when you least expect them to. Hang in there and they might just realise that life in Australia is better than the UK.

madsad

Hi,

Maybe the time has come for your kids to live thier own life & for you two to start enjoying your own i know its hard to let go of the last 20 odd years,always having your kids around but its a fact of life.
I think its a good thing for you to atleast pressure them into staying for citizenship then they have the choice whatever they decide
Dont give up your happiness here to return just to keep your kids happy,they wont thankyou for it & will go off & live their own lifes anyway.

Goodluck x

Donna.

tiredwithtwins

lol...and they would say it even if you were in the uk!!!!

soapy©

u hit the nail on the head

Flutterscutter

We didnt have the exact same dilemma as our daughters had already flown the nest before we left, even though they were very young to do so. Both did it at 18.

I had kids very young, so we deided that now is the time for us to enjoy our new found freedom. Even though the girls wish us well and dont appear to have any problems with us upping sticks and going to the other side of the world, being a mother, i STILL have pangs of guilt, feeling as though i have abandoned my children (yes, i'm a daft old bat!!) Goes with the job i guess. Parenthood automatically slaps a humungous big GUILTY sticker on your forehead till the day you die.

Try to look at it from this perspective. If you decided not to stay because they didnt want to, how are you going to feel when THEY decide to bugger off and live their fantastic life whilst you sacrificed your one chance at chasing a dream? Being boys, i doubt very much they would give it a second thought. Yes 17 is young, but i was preggers with my first daughter at that age and i'm still here to tell the tale. This could be his first big adventure!!

Good luck whatever you decide

Pommy babe

I'm going on 17 in October, all four of us have the Ozzie visa, however with my school turning out seriously good exam results each year I am in for a good chance of going to Oxford or Cambridge Uni's where I already know several people. However by the time I've been through Uni the time for my parents to go would have come and gone. I've told them that i'm applying to English and Australian Uni's and if I get in to Oxbridge I will go but that I want them to go to Oz. I'm not going to let my decision later on affect what they can and cannot do. They have already sacrificed for our education and I think that they should have a break. I can understand some kids say that they have friends and stuff but who really later on in life keeps in touch with those friends if they did what would be the point of friends reunited. Everything you do in England you can do in Oz and both have their fair share of problems only the quality of life compared to Aus is a lot worse. Australia came 3rd on quality of life and the U.K came 12th! Parents shouldn't wait for what might happen if your kids go to college or Uni they could be given a job placement in another country and then you are stuffed. I would love to go to Australia, my fav is Brisbane and Noosa but I think the weather is a little humid for me. I would say to those teenagers that they should set up a name on here and talk about what they worry about if they move or what their problems are out there because their is ALWAYS a counter arguement. I would personally like to talk to some more people my age it doesn't take a lot to do some posts and you build up friendships anyway.

Pommy Babe.

perthies

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice,i know you are all right in what you say and deep down i know we have done the right thing,but kids have got a way of making you feel really guilty.I think if we went back to the UK after a few months we would be misserable like we were before we came.
I had a big lump in my throat reading all the post,i thought we were the only ones with this problem.
I also agree with the comment made about if we were to go back for the kids they could bugger off miles away and then we would be left knowing what a big mistake we made....
You have all made me more determind now to sit tight and wait for them to admit WE WERE RIGHT !!!
thanks everyone
ps..Hope this post didnt put anyone off of comming to OZ,,,sorry if i did .
Its a great place ,but we just have a few teathing problems.lol

hevs

Bloody hell Delores, lets oil the zimmer

kev235

Hi

The Aussie move is such a big life change thing, that of course there are the downs. Just reading this notes and reading sharing there views, opinions, problems is just insprirational (spell check !). I do not have this particular problme with dependent kids, but of course have other issues to deal with.

"We are here for a good time, not a long time"

Good Luck Kev

srd

Hi

I have the same sort of problems, we will be returning residents, having given up previously after 6 months in Oz. Now our problem is the 18 year old has an apprenticeship here he wants to continue, the 17 year old (boy) refuses to come and my daughter who is 16 says she will come for 2 years but not go to school (she did not like it before). My husband and I are looking forward to our return, but my heart is breaking at being a divided family, any ideas?

srd

[QUOTE=perthies]Hi all,
Hi, i have done a search to try and help find anyone with teenage problems, i realise that you posted over a year ago but would really appreciate some advice.
We are returning residents, we were in oz for 7 mnths and for many reasons had to return to uk, this was 2.5 yrs ago, since then my OH and i have been trying to move back to oz, the house is finally sold and we can go, but my 19 and 17 yr old both boys are refusing to come with us, they hate my OH and myself for 'ruining' their lives and say there is nothing there for them. We also have a daughter who is just 16, she is not happy but is resigned that she has to come with us, we have asked them to at least come and get citizenship but they wont, we are at our wits end and i cannot bear the fact of leaving them here knowing they are unable to fend for themselves. I dont know whether to call their bluff and go in the hope they will follow or to give in and not go and give up on our dreams, please help, what did you do and where are you now? many thanks srd