Tazzy update
Sep 30th 2003, 12:12 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Tazzy update
I can not thank you enough for all the kind words and supportive advice you have all given me since I posted yesterday. (Even more on the PM'S) I kind of feel like I’ve had group therapy! Someone would pay a lot of money that.
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
Sep 30th 2003, 12:20 pm
#2
(Jon) returning to NZ 04
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 816
Tazzy,
I really feel for you - that is not a nice experience at all. Such a pity that your parents cannot support you in the way you would like, but frankly it's their loss.
I would hope that one day (soon), when they see that they can't make you stay, they will change their tune and choose to support you.
They are the one's losing out, and they are driving you away further with their comments. I hope they realise it before it is too late.
Best of luck - whatever happens, enjoy life!
I really feel for you - that is not a nice experience at all. Such a pity that your parents cannot support you in the way you would like, but frankly it's their loss.
I would hope that one day (soon), when they see that they can't make you stay, they will change their tune and choose to support you.
They are the one's losing out, and they are driving you away further with their comments. I hope they realise it before it is too late.
Best of luck - whatever happens, enjoy life!
Sep 30th 2003, 12:23 pm
#3
I'm PR Now!! Yeah!!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Georges Hall, NSW
Posts: 192
Re: Tazzy update
Originally posted by Tazzy
I can not thank you enough for all the kind words and supportive advice you have all given me since I posted yesterday. (Even more on the PM'S) I kind of feel like I’ve had group therapy! Someone would pay a lot of money that.
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
I can not thank you enough for all the kind words and supportive advice you have all given me since I posted yesterday. (Even more on the PM'S) I kind of feel like I’ve had group therapy! Someone would pay a lot of money that.
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
Cheers
Sam & Andy Barrow
Oz Bound 2004!!!
Sep 30th 2003, 12:31 pm
#4
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Good on ya, Tazzy. It sounded like something like this needed to happen...Not nice to go through, but at least it's out there in the open. Can't believe some of the things your parents said. But it's all another form of emotional blackmail - they try to be as nasty as possible to you, so that you are overcome with guilt and back down. But you're doing well - stick with it and, once they realise that throwing a tantrum isn't going to get them anywhere, surely they'll have to change tack.
Well done for finding the strength to crawl out from beneath the parental hold. Keep holding onto the positive side of what you're doing, and remember why it is you want to go in the first place.
Well done for finding the strength to crawl out from beneath the parental hold. Keep holding onto the positive side of what you're doing, and remember why it is you want to go in the first place.
Sep 30th 2003, 12:37 pm
#5
Brain Drained
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,882
Re: Tazzy update
I would hope that there initial reactions are just "knee jerk". Its a sad fact then when hurting people often lash out in an unthoughout manner. Perhaps you would be best to leave it for a while and then perhaps put all of your feelings in writing. I am sure that your parents know that you love them and if they can digest your side of the story without having you there to bounce there hurt off, they might take things in a little better.
I would also say that you need to keep the calm heads here. If you are commited to Oz then there is no point letting there hurtful remarks and actions drag you down and make what is already a very daunting prospect any harder. Just keep plugging away at them and hope they come around
I would also say that you need to keep the calm heads here. If you are commited to Oz then there is no point letting there hurtful remarks and actions drag you down and make what is already a very daunting prospect any harder. Just keep plugging away at them and hope they come around
Sep 30th 2003, 12:44 pm
#6
Nov 27th 2003: Brisbane
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Neath
Posts: 172
When people are so blind that they can't see further than their own feelings is such a shame.
As people here have said, good on ya.......your bound to have yer bad days.....but stick with it.......if you stood down from this one, how will you know if you can ever make a descision again without them having a go at you?
I don't know you or your parents, and I'm sorry to say this but people like that just piss me off.
All the best to you and your husband and baby.
As people here have said, good on ya.......your bound to have yer bad days.....but stick with it.......if you stood down from this one, how will you know if you can ever make a descision again without them having a go at you?
I don't know you or your parents, and I'm sorry to say this but people like that just piss me off.
All the best to you and your husband and baby.
Sep 30th 2003, 12:47 pm
#7
happy bunny!!
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Joondalup
Posts: 206
Re: Tazzy update
Hi Tazzy
What a sad, sad situation. I have just read over yesterdays post and feel so sorry for you, and your dad. I am close to my dad aswell but unlike yours he is as excited about us going as we are! He's looking forward to joining us for 3 months very year or two. I dont know how I would cope if I was faced with what you are having to deal with. The thought of it reduces me to tears, and Im sitting here, my heart breaking for you. It is very difficult for your dad to lose his little girl, and he is hurting more now than at any other time in his life. Hurt is an emotion that does come disguised as anger, unfortunately its the only way we know how to show it. Just try to bear with him while he comes to terms with his loss (you), dont hold it against him and be there for him when he comes out the other side, because he will.
Its tough for you aswell, because he's your daddy and you probably love him more than words can say. To see him hurting, hurts you, but also you will miss him desperately when you go, so you have an emotional rollercoaster going around in your head right now. But with all of this going on, try not to let it cloud your judgement. As many have said before me, you have to do in life, what is right for you, and your family. Regret is another emotion that often comes out as anger, and if you dont go, it will be directed at your dad at a later date.
I really hope you get through this with as little permanent damage as possible. Once your dad hears the stories and sees the photos of your new life, he will realise that his little girl is as happy as she can be, and he will be happy for you too. He loves you and that will never ever go away.
Lots and lots of luck Tazzy, I wish you all the best.
What a sad, sad situation. I have just read over yesterdays post and feel so sorry for you, and your dad. I am close to my dad aswell but unlike yours he is as excited about us going as we are! He's looking forward to joining us for 3 months very year or two. I dont know how I would cope if I was faced with what you are having to deal with. The thought of it reduces me to tears, and Im sitting here, my heart breaking for you. It is very difficult for your dad to lose his little girl, and he is hurting more now than at any other time in his life. Hurt is an emotion that does come disguised as anger, unfortunately its the only way we know how to show it. Just try to bear with him while he comes to terms with his loss (you), dont hold it against him and be there for him when he comes out the other side, because he will.
Its tough for you aswell, because he's your daddy and you probably love him more than words can say. To see him hurting, hurts you, but also you will miss him desperately when you go, so you have an emotional rollercoaster going around in your head right now. But with all of this going on, try not to let it cloud your judgement. As many have said before me, you have to do in life, what is right for you, and your family. Regret is another emotion that often comes out as anger, and if you dont go, it will be directed at your dad at a later date.
I really hope you get through this with as little permanent damage as possible. Once your dad hears the stories and sees the photos of your new life, he will realise that his little girl is as happy as she can be, and he will be happy for you too. He loves you and that will never ever go away.
Lots and lots of luck Tazzy, I wish you all the best.
Sep 30th 2003, 1:35 pm
#8
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Good luck Tazzy & family - remember the old saying "you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family".
Hopefully things will improve in the future, but in the meantime we're all here, and we're all here whenever you need a mate.
Hopefully things will improve in the future, but in the meantime we're all here, and we're all here whenever you need a mate.
Sep 30th 2003, 2:21 pm
#9
I Know What's Going On!
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: On The Outside Looking In!
Posts: 1,499
Re: Tazzy update
Originally posted by Tazzy
My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
Tazzy
My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
Tazzy
I bet you £1000, if you'd have asked them last year, if they wish that they'd have gone to Australia years ago, as a £10 Pom or not, if they had the chance of a better life, they would have said 'yes'. Well, they would have been leaving parents behind, they may have been taking Grandchildren away, but that's OK! How hypocritical!
The ironic thing is, the more grown up the person, the more childish the tantrum. Do not show them signs of weakness and never show them that you are having second thoughts. They'll respect you more in the long run if they know you are serious.
Emigrate.....Quickly!
Sep 30th 2003, 2:23 pm
#10
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Maybe we should be setting up a forum - or a support group - for abandoned parents...
Sep 30th 2003, 2:46 pm
#11
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
Sorry to hear it didn't go well, but good on ya for not backing down. The one thing i find ironic in all of this is the support all of us strangers get from each other on here, when those that we expect to back us up let us down so very badly.
Sep 30th 2003, 4:23 pm
#12
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Eatons Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 2,289
Re: Tazzy update
Originally posted by Tazzy
I can not thank you enough for all the kind words and supportive advice you have all given me since I posted yesterday. (Even more on the PM'S) I kind of feel like I’ve had group therapy! Someone would pay a lot of money that.
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
I can not thank you enough for all the kind words and supportive advice you have all given me since I posted yesterday. (Even more on the PM'S) I kind of feel like I’ve had group therapy! Someone would pay a lot of money that.
Your support gave me the courage to go round and face my parents last night. Hubby and baby came too. I thought it would be better as a united front. However we lasted about 5 minutes in their house. My dad’s reaction was that he is pissed off that we are going. He can’t bear the thought of the count down and doesn’t want any reminder of it. He said through clenched teeth that he realises it’s my life and I can do what I want to do but he will not support us in our decision. My mum was much nastier. She said that we will be taking her grandson out of their lives, that it will be my fault he’ll grow up not knowing them and can we live with that? They said they will not come to see us as they refuse to fly that far. And she blamed my husband for putting this into my head, it was his fault and I’d be staying if I hadn’t of married him.
But the final straw came when she threw in our faces that if I loved and respected them I wouldn’t do this to them.
With that I’d had enough. We did try to put our point of view across through this hurl of abuse but in the end I got up, picked up my child and walked through the door. My husband following in stunned silence! We drove 200yards before I broke down in floods of tears.
So, today’s a new day. Funnily enough I am glad it’s all out in the open. I’m feeling a little numb from last night but I keep drawing from what you all have said and that hopefully, in time, they will come round.
I’m still determined to get on with all the planning that’s needed. Received some info on PSS this morning, so plan now to have a good read over it.
Like a lot of you have said, this life is not a rehearsal, and I should be making decisions for what best for my own family now.
Daddy’s little girl has (finally) grown up!
A much happier (although slightly dazed)
Tazzy
Stick to your guns mate, you know in your heart if it is what you really want to do and if they won't fly out to visit then it is their loss not yours
best of luck
rach
Sep 30th 2003, 4:31 pm
#13
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: Gold Coast- the best place in the world
Posts: 3,196
What an awful response! You did the right thing telling them now, it would be worse for them if you gave them short notice.
Ignore them saying that they wont come and visit you, I would be very surprised if they held to this. My Mum said exactly the same thing to me. Now 3 months on she is excepting it and although she won't say when has hinted she will visit us.
They are being unbelievably selfish - at least they have each other and are not being left on their own. Imagine how guilty I feel taking my 3 kids away from my Mum and knowing that she will be here on her own
But, you have to live your own life and if you don't you will always hold it against them.
Ignore them saying that they wont come and visit you, I would be very surprised if they held to this. My Mum said exactly the same thing to me. Now 3 months on she is excepting it and although she won't say when has hinted she will visit us.
They are being unbelievably selfish - at least they have each other and are not being left on their own. Imagine how guilty I feel taking my 3 kids away from my Mum and knowing that she will be here on her own
But, you have to live your own life and if you don't you will always hold it against them.
Sep 30th 2003, 5:54 pm
#14
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 875
Sorry to hear things did not go well.
However, when you have cooled off a bit I would write them a letter setting out your position and letting them know that you do love them and they are welcome to visit you in Australia at any time.
You might want to point out to them that if they loved you they would be excited for you and would be supporting you in your decision.
However, when you have cooled off a bit I would write them a letter setting out your position and letting them know that you do love them and they are welcome to visit you in Australia at any time.
You might want to point out to them that if they loved you they would be excited for you and would be supporting you in your decision.
Sep 30th 2003, 6:36 pm
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2003
Location: GC
Posts: 3,353
Oh dear Tazzy, what a shame - I feel really sorry for you. At the same time pity your parents - I am sure that they dont mean to be so awful. Lets hope that they come round in the end.
It is difficult, I know as I am away ffrom my family and they get really upset about not seeing the children but what can you do as everyone has to live their own life.
Chin up.
Debs
It is difficult, I know as I am away ffrom my family and they get really upset about not seeing the children but what can you do as everyone has to live their own life.
Chin up.
Debs